Post # 1
Hi Bees! I need some advice from those of you who have eloped/ wanted to and didn’t but wish you did.
SO and I are not engaged (yet lol). We are, however, planning an elopement for next year.
Neither of us are really “centre of attantion” people and the idea of being the focus of a lrge group of people makes us both quite anxious haha. We’re planning to just go on a holiday, get married while we’re gone, and then have an “engagement party” (which we would be having anyway – they’re not really “centre of attention-y” to us, more a catch up with friends and family)when we return and announced to everyone that we’re married.
Our only issue with this may be with our families. We will be the first set of “children” in both families to marry. It won’t be a surprise to anyone – by the time it happens, we will have been together almost six years, living together for nearly four years, all our family knows we’re saving for a house etc (part of the reason we want to elope). We know that eloping is what we would like to do, but we don’t want to step on any toes. We’re also reletively young which may cause issues with two parents (my father, his mother – neither too involved in our lives and will disapprove even if we get married at 50), so we’re already going to cause some upset.
I guess what I’m really asking is did anyone have any MAJOR issues with family/ friends regarding you eloping? Would love to hear how it went down when you told everyone.
Thanks in advance.
Post # 2
Honestly you’ve been together long enough you know this is what you want! At the end of the day a wedding day is just for show it’s just a party to keep family and friends happy. It will be exciting to marry each other in an elopement – ensure it’s somewhere perfect and beautiful so you will always remember. Make sure you both have wonderful outfits and celebrate together afterwards with a special meal. Also maybe hire a photographer so you can capture all the special moments – that could be your main wedding expense.
I really wanted to elope I think it’s the most beautiful romantic thing but I was shot down by my fiancée – ironically nobody else had anything negative to say and infact thigh then it was a great idea. I am getting married in November and although I am beyond excited to marry my best friend deep down I still would love to throw in the towel and run off to marry.
Have a celebration afterwards something not formal maybe something fun like a BBQ or a afternoon tea with all your family and friends – deep down most people aren’t really there for the ceremony anyway (they might never admit it but it’s true). Don’t give in to pressure you don’t have to have a wedding – what’s rightly important to you is the marriage
Post # 3
I didn’t elope, so take these comments with a grain of salt…. I have no personal experience with the topic 🙂 Also, I am faaaaaar more casual than alot of bees here about wedding stuff BUT…..
Elope if you would like to- and I understand your reasoning. I’m not a ‘center of attention’ type person either so I get that. Totally. and I would far rather put my money toward a home than a one-day wedding. If you have a celebration of sorts with friends and family after you return, don’t call it an engagement party. You’re not celebrating your engagement, you’re announcing that you are married. Call it a ‘we got hitched’ party or whatever term you prefer.
In terms of your parents… well, hmm…..I would NOT tell them in advance, particularly if you think that they woulnd’t approve anyway. Just tell them you are going on vacation. when you return, tell them after the fact and then show your wedding pics at the party 🙂 Your wedding should be what YOU and your Fiance want.
I also find that (for me) telling people in advance something like ‘we are thinking about __’ is often met with comments about whether you shoudl do that or not. If you say, ‘ we did X ‘ then they jsut have to deal with it. If your family or his want some involvement ask them to help plan the party or invite people or whatever you would like done. Good luck, bee!
Post # 4
we were going to elope but ended up having a small intimate ceremony with just 6 people there. We both hate attention as well and were going to go the courthouse route but didn’t because I wanted a beautiful scenery for our forever pictures. Im BIG on having pictures because of my mom. When we went to apply for our marriage license I saw how all the couples were just lined up waiting around to be called in for their turn and it turned me off big time. But everyone is different. We got married at “our spot” a botanical garden which is where the proposal was supposed to happen (long story). My mom ended up wanting to have a small reception for us at her house which is happening today. We just got married May 10th. We live far away from friends and family and this is a one time thing so we agreed to do it to be able to celebrate with everyone. Im dying over our wedding pictures. Seriously was so beautiful where we got married.
Post # 5
be prepared for a lot of anticlimactic responses, people will be surprised and disappointed but still happy (on the inside) for you. Weddings are like community blessings, people want to celebrate and support your happiness- they’ve invested emotions watching your relationship grow so of course they want to witness the successful marriage- but when you elope people feel like their blessings dont matter. Also not witnessing the wedding makes it feel less real to some family so they wont respect or acknowledge your anniversaries.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
2nd way more casual bee here so take this with a grain of salt. If you want to elope, do exactly that. Don’t tell people, don’t hint that you may do it and don’t open the door for opinions or outside influences on the matter. Make a decision, pick a beautiful place and do it. Once you start letting people know its no longer an elopement. We also prefer to not be center of attention but once the ceremony is over, which I dread bc its so weird to me that a group of people are doing nothing but staring at you, I’m hoping that having fun socializing with close family and friends calms my nerves. If you decide you want a wedding then keep it intimate and meaningful to both of you. Doesn’t have to be some extravagant party worth tens of thousands, the goal is to be married. My first marriage was an elopement then we took a couple people out to dinner to celebrate with us. Our parents knew we were engaged but had no idea when or how we’d get married. It was AWESOME. I didn’t truly appreciate the simplicity of that day until I had to plan a wedding. This sh*t is for the birds, too late for us to back out now though.
Post # 6
We eloped and I have no regrets. Neither of us wanted the attention or the stress. Our families were happy for us but we also had siblings that have very extravagant weddings. I love that it’s our shared memory and no one else’s. We got a few gifts in the mail (cards and dish towels).
Post # 7
We eloped and it was the right thing for us!! We did hear disappointment from some family members, but they got over it!!
Post # 9
What you said, 100%. OP don’t hint or ask or tell anything , make it a real elopement .
Just do it and tell people afterwards but right away , I think it is when it is left that people get upset. Particularly tell both sets of parents asap and tell them before anyone else .