(Closed) Should we allow an 8 week old baby at our wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we allow an 8 week old baby at our wedding? PLEASE read the post first

    Yes – it is the mother’s decision to bring her baby or not

    No – you are entitled to enforce the no-child policy

    Unsure – I can see where you’re coming from, but I can see her side too

  • Post # 2
    Member
    2065 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    blushandsequins:  I would leave it up to her. Each baby is different and I don’t think it’s fair to ask anyone to leave their 8 week-old baby behind to attend a wedding. I would tell her that you’re having a child-free wedding but that you understand that she will have a tiny baby and would like to let her know that she’s welcome to bring the baby if it would make her feel more comfortable. It’s also the first step to getting along better with her – be the bigger person. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Some babies don’t take to formula, hard to predict what she will need before the baby is born. She may have to take the baby. It is her decision to tend to her child’s needs as she sees fit, not yours on what is best for her baby even if the baby could be away from the mother. If you truly do not want children, and it sounds like you truly do not want her to be there, kindly suggest that she stay home with the baby rather than separate them. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1364 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    Even if she’s not breastfeeding, 8 weeks is very young. I doubt an 8 week old is going to cause very much ruckus and everyone who didn’t bring their children will understand this exception.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1190 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I don’t see anything wrong with making clear that it’s a no kids event and inviting her and then she can choose to come without baby or not come. I think maybe the trouble is… what if your best friend had an 8 week old? Would you make an exception? Ie are you not making an exception simply Bc u don’t like this person?

    Post # 6
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    blushandsequins:  What if it was a different guest that had an 8 week old?  One that you don’t know whether they nursed their first baby or not.  Would you allow them to bring their baby?  If yes, then there is your answer.  

    I think if you set your personal trouble with her aside you’re choice will be clear.  

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Again, some babies don’t take to formula. Doesn’t matter if her first did or her age. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee

    Every baby is different so just because she was comfortable to leave baby 1 doesn’t mean she will want to leave baby 2. I kind of feel exceptions to the no kids rule need to be made for nursing babies (including bottle fed). I kind of feel like you don’t like this person and so are almost hoping she won’t come…. sorry if I’m wrong, I don’t mean to offend. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    787 posts
    Busy bee

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    blushandsequins:  I think you just proved lim3’s point, in saying that you would let her if someone else was bringing their baby. Two babies would be okay but one isn’t?

    Also, breastfeeding isn’t the only reason to keep a baby close to it’s mother when it is so young. And you know that leaving her other baby for 2 days really doesn’t have a bearing on this. 

    I totally get not wanting to bend to her when she’s such a B-word. But if you think of it as “it’s a no KIDS wedding, infants are always allowed” then maybe you won’t feel so much like you’re caving for HER. And I’m assuming it will avoid drama, which is what you wanted in the first place. 

    THEN, seat her far away! 😉

    Oh, lastly, if you make it a non issue by welcoming the baby, she might just leave it with her parents so she can have fun! Make an issue out of it, and she’ll make a point of being a pain in the ass. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3080 posts
    Sugar bee

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    blushandsequins:  It’s your wedding, so you and your SO are the ones to determine the guestlist.  Invite just your SO’s cousin and his wife. The two of them may simply decline your invitation. If they don’t, be prepared for her to bring the baby anyway and just try to ignore it.

    There’s always one in the bunch who tries to control your guestlist. I have in-laws who have bullied their kids’ way onto adult-only guestlists, in the past. Some family members have just ceased inviting them to anything.

     

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    787 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    blushandsequins:  “Can you explain why, because IMO it does.” Because you said so yourself in your OP:  “I’m aware that just because she left her first child, doesn’t mean she has to leave her second”

    I like that you admit you’re being biased against her, and I really don’t blame you – she sounds like a real treat! 

    There is another post right now on the exact same situation, except the mother is a bridesmaid so the poster obviously likes her more than you like FI’s cousins wife 🙂 

    I think ultimately they come down to the same thing though: you are hosting so you can make whatever restrictions you like on who can come. BUT, you can’t control their reaction to it and have to be prepared for the consequences in the knowledge it is worth it for what you want for your wedding. For her, she’ll be down 1 bridesmaid and possibly lose her friend unless she does it very carefully. For you, I suppose it’s a bit of family drama? And obviously her possibly not attending, but that doesn’t faze you. So, I suppose you’ve got less to lose!

    What I want to say is, you can say the baby can’t come, but you can’t expect all of FIs family to agree that you’re in the right. 

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by flossy.lou. Reason: correcting loose vs lose !!!
    Post # 14
    Member
    500 posts
    Busy bee

    Honestly, if she’s rude, she’ll probably find something to complain about regardless, so I would just go with your gut on this one.  Let your Fiance talk to his family if they have any problems.

    I don’t really see a wedding as a great place for an 8-week-old, though I doubt the baby would be a real problem. Your cousin’s wife is more likely to be a problem, lol. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1152 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    blushandsequins:  every child is different you can never predict what will happen until the baby is born. I say invite her to lunch or dinner and have that conversation with her. Then you guys could come to a compromise but if I was the mother I would not bring my new born baby with no immune system  around strangers. 

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