(Closed) Should we allow an 8 week old baby at our wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we allow an 8 week old baby at our wedding? PLEASE read the post first

    Yes – it is the mother’s decision to bring her baby or not

    No – you are entitled to enforce the no-child policy

    Unsure – I can see where you’re coming from, but I can see her side too

  • Post # 16
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    blushandsequins:  I don’t know, I just don’t see this as a battle worth fighting with her.  And I would not want to create drama around my wedding where there need not be. If she is that awful I’d rather save for a more legit battle that I will need to have with her in the future if it arises.  

    If you strip all the fluff away and only consider the facts that matter 8 weeks is awfully young, and I wouldn’t say a baby of that age isn’t welcome at my wedding no matter how much I dispised the mother.  If it makes you feel better think of the baby’s sake instead of the mothers sake.

    In my opinuon this has literally nothing to do with whether she nursed her first baby or not, or whether she left the first baby for a weekend getaway or not, that is irrevelent.  You don’t get to dictate or assume how she cares for this baby based on your observations with her previous.

    Take the high road.  Maybe she won’t bring the baby anyway.  

    Post # 17
    Member
    6552 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    What exactly is this baby expected to do that might warrant his/her being banned from a wedding and left without his/her parents at just 8 weeks old?

    Post # 18
    Member
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee

    An 8 week old at a wedding? That sounds miserable for everyone involved. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee

    Moms do have a right to change their mind. Maybe she was okay with leaving her child for an over night trip, but maybe what you don’t know is that she felt awful the whole time she wa way. I personally would not leave my 8week old home with a sitter. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    6375 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Exceptions are generally made for very young babies at weddings. We had a few at ours, and they mostly just sleep through.

    You don’t know what might happen with this baby. What if they are sick, or there are complications during birth, or something like that? What if they are intolerant to formula? What if they require extra attention for whatever reason?

    If this was anyone else, you’d invite the baby… it’s not the baby’s fault that its Mum is a difficult person.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3292 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    It’s your wedding and you are allowed to set the rules. It is ok not to invite a newborn baby! You just have to understand that the family of that baby might choose not to attend (although it sounds like the cousins probably will attend anyway). 

    I’m not saying it’s the most gracious or accommodating approach, but I am saying that it is completely fine not to invite babies. I say this as a mother of babies myself. The problem, for me,  arises when babies are not invoted, and then the host is mad that the parents decide not to attend.

    Post # 22
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    blushandsequins:  I get that you don’t like her, but I do think you should give her the option to bring the baby, especially since you said if it was anyone else, you would. If you’re concerned shes going to try to bring the 3 year old too, I’d simply call her beforehand. I’d let her know you’re having a child free wedding but you are extending an invited to the 8 week old since she is so young and to please let you know if she wants to bring the baby. 

    This may seem like a big deal now, but I guarantee you that you wont be thinking about this the day of. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1320 posts
    Bumble bee

    I know this is really beside the point, and I apologize…but I’m baffled by all the people who want child-free weddings. I couldn’t imagine my wedding without all the kids in our families. We had about 16 kids and 1 baby. None of them caused any trouble (no fit-throwing, big messes, anything) and it was so much fun having them there! Ok, I’m done now. I’ve just been wanting to say that for a long time!

    Post # 24
    Member
    1026 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    Willow90:  Just as baffled as you are at my child free wedding, I am at your joy over having 16 children at your wedding!  As they say, different strokes 🙂

    Post # 25
    Member
    3292 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    Willow90:  I agree with you, to a point — we had about 20 young kids at our wedding, and it was so fun! But that’s not the point. It’s perfectly within someone’s rights NOT to invite children. I don’t have any problem with it. It’s not for me, but neither are a lot of wedding things that are perfectly nice & fine for others.

    Post # 26
    Member
    584 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    blushandsequins:  The question you need to ask yourself is, are you trying to come up with an excuse for her not to come, or are you just trying to figure out what is reasonable in general?

    If it’s the former, I kind of understand that…just be prepared for any potential drama/fall-out as a result, as it may extend beyond this cousin.  You could have other family members boycotting the wedding, your FI’s parents freaking out, etc.  These things are known to happen, not sure how his family will react.

    If it’s the latter and you’re trying to figure out a reasonable rule, I think tiny babies (certainly those whose age you’re still counting in weeks) should be excluded from “no children” rules.

    Post # 27
    Bee
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Cottage on the Creek

    if you say they can’t bring the baby, just be prepared that they might not be able to come.  

    what’s more important to you – having her there or not having babies?

    for me, it was not having babies. We had 2 moms not come (but husbands did) bc of our child rule but that was fine with me. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    5985 posts
    Bee Keeper

    View original reply
    blushandsequins:  I would ask yourself two things:  What is your real reason why you don’t want her baby there?  Because you don’t like her or because you don’t want children there.  At 8 weeks, she may just decline going to the wedding, I certainly would have when my daughter was that young.  No way would I be bringing an 8 week old to a wedding, but for some, who cares.  I would take her to lunch like others have said and feel her out.  I think it’s rude to not allow her to bring her child, but I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting the child there.

    Post # 29
    Member
    2165 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    Your Fiance sounds great, let him handle her! Since the baby isn’t born yet there is a lot unknown about how easy it will be to take care of. If it is a difficult baby, she should probably stay home and skip the wedding.

    Post # 30
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee

    What is so bad about someone bringing their 8-week-old to a wedding? That is so young that I doubt any of the other guests who were not permitted to bring their children are going to get bent out of shape about it.

    Don’t make a big deal out of it; if you don’t want any drama from her then don’t start any! I understand that you don’t like her and would rather not have her there, but you will have other people and things to distract you on your wedding day. Stop trying to manipulate the situation to get her to stay home as that is only going to backfire and cause you more grief.

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