Post # 31
I don’t see the issue. You don’t want the baby there, your SO supports you in not having the baby there (and is willing to say as much to his cousin). It sounds more than likely she won’t bring the baby, anyway. So what if she makes a fuss, she’ll just look like a demanding b*tch if she gives you trouble and more than likely your SO’s family will be on your side (since she treats them like crap as well). I say do what you want.
Post # 32
One thing you don’t seem to be considering is your cousin. It’s his baby, too, and his postpartum wife. Especially if she isn’t breastfeeding this is about him as well. If they get upset with the baby not being invited or just don’t want to leave it, I would count on him not coming either. Is not accomodating her worth that to you?
Post # 33
8 weeks is just too young to be at a formal event. end of story. If you have an 8 week old baby, you either get comfortable with leaving them for events, or you have to forego formal events until your baby is old enough to leave. It’s part of being a parent.
Post # 34
I think by overthinking this issue at this early stage you’re setting yourself up for it to become a big deal. If you are really trying to avoid anxiety and stress in the run up to and during your wedding then just let the whole thing go. Send the invites (sans baby) and if she asks to bring the baby then say sure, infants are welcome. As others said, if you dig your heels in, she likely will too if she’s as nasty as she sounds. Don’t give it any more thought because it sounds like it’s just stressing you out.
Post # 35
I voted before reading your post, which I apologize for! I voted that it’s the mother’s choice, but after reading your post, I think it would be ok to enfore your no-child policy. I brought my breastfed 9 week old baby to my brother’s wedding (it was totally fine with him and his fianceé) but my Mother-In-Law came to take care of the baby during the ceremony since I was a bridesmaid. She ended up just keeping my baby in a different part of the church because he was fussy, so I was so grateful to have her there! I think, given that she will not be breastfeeding and was comfortable leaving her first baby it is not too much to ask that she leave this one (as long as the baby is healthy and everything). Good luck!
Post # 36
I don’t see why this is a huge deal. Neither you nor your Fiance seems to like her very much, so it doesn’t seem to be much of a loss to you if she declines. Invite her sans newborn and three-year-old and let her make her own decision. If she makes a fuss, just let her know that you’ll miss her at the wedding, but you unfortunately can’t make any exceptions to your child-free policy. If this were someone you really wanted at your wedding, it would be a much more difficult decision, but this seems pretty cut and dry to me.
Post # 37
My sister in law had a baby who was about 8 weeks old at the time of my wedding. I left the choice to her. Now I didn’t have a completely child free wedding as my 2 year old niece was flower girl and I also told a friend she could being her 5 months old. My sister in law left the baby with her parents after.
Post # 38
I know that it doesn’t mean she has to, but IMO it means she has no grounds to want to bring the new baby, when she left the last baby who was younger and was left for a longer period of time. And again, I know I’m being shitty about the situation.<br />I don’t think SO’s family will care very much (the only people that would possibly mention it would be his Auntie and Uncle, the cousins parents) the problem will be with her bitching and lying about everything.
She definitely is more likely to be the problem lol.
I have considered discussing it with her, but honestly, that just opens the door for her to pitch a fit if she does say she wants the baby at the wedding and then we are strict with it being child-free.
Post # 39
I really don’t understand why people worry so much about babies at weddings. They aren’t going anywhere at that age. Sure they might cry a bit but mostly they will just sleep. Either way, they have parents and it is their parents’ responsibility to care for them. Not mine. There will be two tiny infants (3 and 4 months) at my wedding. Im not worried about them in the slightest and, IMO, you shouldn’t be either. *shrugs*
Post # 40
I’m trying, but it’s so difficult to take the high road again, and again, and again.
We just prefer a child-free wedding. We’re entitled to have wants for our wedding, and because of her first baby being left young etc. I feel like we should be able to have our wedding the way we want it and not make an exception. The whole reason of my post is to see what other people’s opinions are on the situation.
You could ask; what exactly was the baby expected to do at a weekend getaway that warranted his/her being left without his parents for 2.5 days at just 4 weeks old.
My thoughts exactly!
Of course there is a chance she felt awful and I have no way of knowing her inner thoughts, but considering that was the first of many times she voluntarily left her baby, I doubt it. The baby would also be left with family and not a sitter.
Rachel631: What if they are sick, or there are complications during birth, or something like that?
To be honest, in this case I would expect her to stay home with the baby.
I’m well aware that their baby is more important to them, so I wouldn’t cause any issues if they decided not to attend.
Post # 41
weatherbug: This may seem like a big deal now, but I guarantee you that you wont be thinking about this the day of.
I really hope that is the case!
You’re right, that was beside the point. I’m glad you had fun at your wedding with all the children, but that isn’t what we want at our wedding.
I’m trying to find out what’s reasonable, but I’m also happy with our child-free wedding meaning she can’t come. I can’t imagine any family members boycotting the wedding, and SO’s Mum (who’s side of the family it is) won’t care if we are strict with the child-free aspect of our wedding.
It is definitely not having babies/children to me too.
Both. I don’t like her and I don’t want children there.
Very true about it all being unknown. I do think it will be best if I let SO handle the situation if it arises.
I’m not concerned about other guests being bent out of shape – no one else who is invited to the wedding has children under 18.
Post # 42
Then why are you worried about not inviting her. you don’t like her, don’t invite her.
Post # 43
An 8 week old baby (formula fed or not) is basically an extention of it’s mother. Don’t even mention the baby period or ask if she can leave it home or anything. Even if you did say something, anyone can walk in to a ceremony (unless you hire a bouncer anyone can walk in to a church/courthouse/walk by a gazebo etc) and there isn’t much you can do about it. On the same note, if a baby(even a toddler) doesn’t requie a chair and is sitting on it’s Mother’s lap…what are you going to do? Have a bouncer rough it up? lol, save yourself the headache and forget about it. You don’t wan’t to deal with that, if she decides on her own to leave the baby home then great, if not well I doubt you’d even notice the kid. Just breath, relax and remember anyone can walk in to a wedding ceremony, so at least you know the baby! 🙂
Post # 44
Even if she didn’t attempt to breastfeed the first and doesn’t plan to with this baby either, it is like you are punishing her for choosing to formula feed because you’ve already stated you’d be understanding if a guest was breastfeeding.
Post # 45
I definitely think I’m leaning towards ‘do what you want’.
My SO’s cousin won’t have an issue with us having a child-free (including his baby) wedding. I’m sure if she wants to bring the baby, she’ll talk to him about it, but I cannot see him suggesting we allow the baby to attend.
cautiously3optimistic: It’s part of being a parent.
I agree with you completely.
It’s not stressing me out at all! If the situation had happened and I hadn’t pre-empted it, then it would stress me out lol. Once my SO and I have made a decision we’re confident with, I’ll know exactly how to handle it, if it arises.
I highly doubt she would remove herself and the baby if the he/she was fussy, which is another one of my concerns. If the baby is sick etc. then I would assume she would rather stay home with her new born, which I wouldn’t have any objections to.
FantasticFawn: If she makes a fuss, just let her know that you’ll miss her at the wedding, but you unfortunately can’t make any exceptions to your child-free policy.
I like that way of saying it, thanks.
I honestly don’t know what decision she would make if I left the choice up to her as I can see reasons for her making either decision.