Post # 46
Either way, they have parents and it is their parents’ responsibility to care for them. Not mine. And I agree with you, provided that the parents remove their baby if he/she starts to cry or scream, or that they remove their toddler who is running around and playing up – unfortunately not all parents are respectful of others events.
I was worried before creating this post, but now I have, I feel much more confident that not allowing an exception to our child-free policy is the best decision for my SO and I.
I feel like she must not view an 8 week old baby as an extension of herself, if she’s willing to leave a 4 week old baby for a weekend. From your comment, it sounds as though you’re implying that if we do not give her an exception to our child-free policy, she should bring the baby anyway, because ‘what am I going to do about it’. That would be extremely rude, much ruder, IMO, than us wanting a child-free wedding.
I’m not ‘punishing’ her for not breastfeeding, but I can see how you could think that. It’s more that breastfed babies need to be with their mothers to survive, whereas formula fed babies are (generally) able to be fed by anyone. Add that to her previously leaving her new born multiple times and occasionally for much longer than she would need to for our wedding, I don’t think our request is unreasonable.
Also, our ceremony venue is a private residence, so actually no, ‘anyone’ cannot walk into our ceremony.
Post # 47
Babies are an extention of their mother….you are talking about an 8 week old child not 8 year old child. Another poster made a very, very good point. She may have felt horrible about having left her first baby when it was four weeks old. Most parents won’t leave theirkid over night for the first few years (grandma and grandpa are usually the first babysitter) and even the length of a wedding is a long time to be away from an eight week old. What she did with the first baby is a moot point, every baby is different (other posters have said it already, there are TONS of factors to consider). Also, you are punishing her for formula feeding because a breastfeeding mother could pump (even that is problematic because sometimes it is difficult/baby doesn’t like bottles) so in your own words anyone could feed the baby. Yes, she could very well just show up with the baby and I am not saying it is polite but it is not polite to make this big of a deal over an infant (which again many posters have stated exceptions are usually made for even at child free weddings). Well you are in the minority, but you got what I meant by anyone can show up. I was being light heated because people tend to forget anyone can walk in to a church.
Honest question, while I understand you are not a big fan of this woman, do you like her at all? I ask because you sound like you hate her with every fiber of your being. Any point posters make, valid points at that, as to why an exception should be made for an 8 week old you shut down. It seems like you can not stand this woman and the baby is an excuse. By that I mean you were hoping everyone would say “tell her she can’t bring the baby” and that would result in her not coming. Again, just an honest question.
Post # 48
I feel as though you have made your decision. I just want to pinpoint one thing that I found actually really upsetting that you were saying. Other bees kept saying that you can’t always plan on formula feeding, and I don’t think that point quite got through.
My best friend just had her second child. Her first was completely formula fed. She planned to do the same for the second. He wouldn’t drink the formula. He refused. They tried all sorts of things to get him to drink formula. Despite the fact her first child did drink it. It is awful for her right now. He also refuses to drink pumped milk. She can’t leave the baby for more than an hour or so because when he is hungry, no one else can do it. The baby can’t be with his Dad without her also there. She can’t leave for some time for herself.
I don’t really care whether you invite her or not, it’s your choice. But just please watch your words and use kindness. There are a lot of people out there who are struggling with things and do not need to be so harshly judged based on their past actions. You really won’t know the situation with the baby until it comes. And any of your close friends or family have 8 whole weeks to become pregnant in order to be in the exact same situation as she is in, and have to carry around a little baby.
Stand by your policy if that is what you want, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell her that her baby can’t be there. It would feel to her as though you were agressively punishing her for being a mother. Let her come to you or your Fiance to ask.
That’s just my opinion.
Post # 49
My sister in law decided not to take the baby as it would be a long day for such a small child. And they live over an hour away from where the wedding was being held. If she had been breast feeding I could see her deciding to take him though.
Post # 50
Lots of people have said that it this is likely to cause a huge stink, and given reasons why. It certainly would have caused major problems in my own family which would have gone beyond one absentee guest. However, if you’ve already made your decision, why even bother asking us? Basically, you don’t like this woman, and you’ve decided not to invite the baby so she’ll be less likely to come. Your life, your decisions, but many of us are not going to vindicate you for them…
Post # 51
I was putting in full-time hours 2 weeks after my first c-section, because the person hired to fill in for me quit. Luckily I could do some work at home and I went into the office nights and weekends, when my husband was available to take care of our baby. I returned to my regular daytime hours when my 6 week maternity leave was up.
When my 2nd child was a month old, I attended my cousin’s wedding. Neither the baby nor my then 4 year old went to the wedding with me. They weren’t invited and I wouldn’t have asked to bring them, either. The brides nephews and nices weren’t even there.
My family and social circles have been having predominately adult-only weddings, since the 1970s. When my 1st daughter was married, my niece had just her 1st child 10 weeks before. She had returned to work, after a 6 week maternity leave, and she didnt bring the baby to the wedding. It can be done!
Post # 52
I say it’s your wedding and you should be able to invite (or not invite) whomever you want. If that means no baby, then so be it. She shouldn’t hold it against you if the rule is no kids. That said, you shouldn’t hold it against her either if she chooses not to attend because she doesn’t want to leave the baby.
Post # 53
I wouldnt want an 8 year old baby at our wedding, we don’t have children yet so why would we want someone else’s crying at our wedding.
Harsh i know but whatever.
Post # 54
8 week olds are very young and I do think it’s considerate to invite newborns along with their mothers to weddings. I agree that newborns are usually a good exemption to the childfree wedding rule. It really doesn’t matter what she has done in the past. They just sleep anyway, it’s not like they can run around tearing things up. Many of them don’t cry much either at that age. I think childfree weddings are great (toddlers tend to be the more irritating ones) but I do think newborns and breastfeeding babies should be an exemption. I had to have my 1mo old at a wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and she never made a peep throughout the wedding or reception.
Usually this is done as a consideration to the mother- assuming that person is your friend or family and you love them and want to be considerate of them. It sounds like you don’t like her so why not just not invite her? You don’t need to use the baby as an excuse.
Post # 56
I voted that you can enforce the no-child rule. If she isn’t ok with finding a sitter or not bringing her baby, she doesn’t have to come. Simple. Guests need to respect the wishes of the bride and groom. An 8-week old baby just doesn’t belong at a wedding anyway, In My Humble Opinion. My matron of honor will have an 18 month old at the time of my wedding and she’s having her stay with someone.
Post # 56
This post is 3 years old…