Post # 1
I am helping my niece with a few parts of her wedding. They asked me to make a dessert table for them (I’ve won a couple of local pie contests). I’m making their 3-tiered wedding cake (a very simple design), a pie and a cheesecake for their wedding. I’m also hosting her bridal shower because her BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor don’t have a lot of money; and I’m providing the food/drinks for it too. Her wedding is in Chicago because that is where they met in school (we are all from Michigan) so we also have the expense of driving/lodging. Do we also get her a gift? If so, how much do we spend? If not, I never said everything was in lieu of a gift. Not sure what to do – feel like I’m going broke.
Post # 3
Oh my gosh, I would say NO! All of that stuff is your gift and a very generous gift at that. I would never expect another thing from you. What a great Aunt you are!
Post # 4
I would say no. I would just make sure to bring a card with a note expressing best wishes, etc.
Post # 5
I definately wouldn’t expect anything else from you after all of that. Of course, I would probably giver her and her FH a card, with a nice note saying that you wish them the best and that their day was all they hoped for.
Post # 6
Nope! You are making a LOT of food for them and food supplies are NOT cheap! A nice card would be plenty!
Post # 7
Wow you’re already doing a lot for your neice! Thats’s very nice of you…most family (even parents) don’t do that much! I would say just get her a nice card and your congrats!!
Post # 8
I think what you are making for them is an incredible gift and your niece is very lucky to have you. A card would totally cover it from here. 100% completely.
Post # 9
I agree, a note will be sufficient. As you are doing the cake, maybe you could help freeze a slice or tier for their anniversary. There’s no need to purchase any gift in addition to what you’ve done.
Post # 10
I would give them a card and maybe let them know before hand that you intend it to be their gift. Maybe ask about her preferences and say “I’m working on your gift… what kind of pie is your FIs favorite.”
Post # 11
I defintely do NOT think that after all that you’ve done you would be expected to provide a gift…but I like the card idea that sjbee has!
Post # 12
If you can’t afford a gift on top of everything you’ve already done, don’t feel obligated to do so! A nice card would be a good gesture, though.
Post # 13
No! I wouldn’t give her one, especially if you’re making the wedding cake. Wedding cakes are labor intensive… I actually won’t make wedding cakes for friends unless they’ll pay me for it. I charge less than I would a customer, but I’d much rather buy them something off their registry lol.
I think you have done a lot already & a nice card will be the cherry on top 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Whether you give a gift or not (I would still get something very small off the registry, but I agree that you don’t really have to with all of the work you’re already doing for your niece), definitely give a card.
Post # 15
As the bride, I would not expect a gift from a person who had contributed so much to my wedding. If there is something special you would like to get her, then go ahead. but if you feel like you are already spending a lot of money on this wedding, I am SURE she would assume that the cake and the shower are her gifts.
However, please, please, please, please make sure to get her a card. We had a quite a few people who did not get us gifts for our wedding. I didn’t mind one bit, but was a little hurt by some close people who didn’t even give us a card. One person had thrown an engagement party for us about 6 months prior to the wedding… so perhaps she felt that was her gift. I know she spent a LOT of money on it, so I didn’t mind a bit, but would have loved a card from her with her sincere congratulations.
Post # 16
It sounds like you don’t have the funds or really want to give her a gift and that your services (which are amazing and commendable!!) will serve as the ‘gift’ in your eyes.
As a bride, I am not expecting a gift from anyone – and I would certainly not expect a gift from someone who poured so much time, effort and money into the wedding as you have.
I think boils down to a personal comfort and monetary ability. If you want to get her a gift, do so (in whatever amount you wish). If you feel like you can’t or don’t want to because of the money you’ve already spent, then of course, don’t.
It’s hard to know how people will react to things. If your niece thinks you are well off, she could be expecting a gift (I think gift disappointment is based on people’s expectations and assessment of financial status.) That said, do what feels right to you – there’s no wrong way to go about it. If all you can do is a card, then do that. I’m sure your niece will realize all you’ve done to help her with her wedding.
I sometime go through this when I’m a bridesmaid – I am out the cost of dress, shoes, alterations, hair, usually help throw a shower, buy a shower present, have bachelorette party expenses, and have always bought a wedding present equivalent to what I would get the couple if I were just a guest. That said, you know your niece best and know if she’d be offended if you didn’t get her anything.