Should we cancel our cursed wedding?

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Have you considered scrapping the venue you’re being ignored by and renting out a restaurant? You can keep it much simpler that way. Fuck the cake, it’s not necessary and no one will miss it. 

I’d say at this point it is not worth the stress to go ahead with things as they are. I’d either change course to something smaller and simpler or fuck it all and elope. 

So sorry that everything has been so tough for you 🙁 

I do hope that all of this has brought you and your FH closer. 

Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

What a whirlwind!! I’m so sorry you are going through so much; what you have listed includes all of the most stressful expeeeinces a person might endure – minus childbirth!

Stressful experiences can impact your ability to deal with the day to day, never mind planning elaborate events. The additional experiences have compounded your stress, it is completely understandable that you’ve reached the point of feeling overwhelmed.

what do you and your fiancé want to do? The wedding is a celebration, and more than anything else it is meant to be memorable and enjoyable for you. If you want to postpone, it would be understandable – but do note that it won’t make the other stressors go away.

Unrelated to the wedding planning, do you have a good support network? You are going through a number of changes and difficult situations, many of them new experiences. I hope that you have friends, family and access to services that can help ease the burden.

please don’t feel defeated and don’t allow yourself to feel ‘cursed’ – unless this is a source of morbid humour that helps lighten your load. 

You asked what I would do in your shoes.. so here goes:

 

1. I’d talk with my fiancé first to see how he’s feeling about everything. I’d want to make sure we are on the same page. I’d consider having a less elaborate event.

2. Because of the health situation, I’d consider my mom – is the wedding a celebration that she is looking forward to? How does she feel about keeping the existing date? 

3. Work is another consideration for you – and while money and career is important, jobs will come and go. Can you stick it out so you have stability during this difficult time? Can you ask them for any leniency or support?

4. The venue owes you a response. If you cannot get an answer by email, can you call, or meet in person? If this still doesn’t get you what you need, how did you pay the deposit? You May be somewhat protected if you paid by credit card.

once these things were in place, I’d feel equipped to make a decision.

Whatever you choose to do, do it for yourselves. Your loved ones want you to be happy, not stressed.

Post # 4
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Get married and have a party if only because people are traveling to be there for you. 

That said, I wouldn’t stress. Call a bakery and order a cake. Don’t do a tasting if you don’t have time. Renting a tux is his job and shouldn’t take long. 

Don’t provide your guest a menu or go in person and don’t leave until you have what you need. 

Do your own hair in simple loose waves.

And just pick a photographer from google. If you can’t find somebody, designate a friend to take some pictures then just enjoy the day. It is one party for a few hours… don’t over complicate it. 

Post # 5
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

inamorata :  I’d still get married but have an intimate wedding and reception instead. Planning a wedding is very stressful and you don’t need any more stress.

Post # 6
Member
4873 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would continue with the wedding.  It is only 3 months away and you mention people are traveling which means they have already made arrangements and if you take the stress of the day away it sounds like a nice celebration could be exactly what you, your fiance and your family need! 

Honestly there is a weird hype about weddings and how it is supposed to be all consuming and stressful and I think people buy into that and they get stressed because they think they should be doing all these things.  The reality is it is just a party, it doesn’t need to be stressful.  Have a look over the next few days and just book a photographer.   Your venue sounds really annoying, and it is terrible that they are ignoring you – is it possible to change the venue at this stage and get your deposit back?  I wonder if you have grounds for that if they have been ignoring your inquiries since OCTOBER! If not, just try not to worry.  Your guests don’t need to see the menu.  You don’t need to spend ages planning a cake! Just pop into a bakery a month before and pick something.  You also don’t need to stress about a hairdresser etc, it isn’t a big deal just do your own hair! 

Post # 7
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

I find that when I get really stressed about too much going on it helps best to just get really orginized. 

Make a list of all the things you need to do for the wedding, divide the tasks between you and your fiance and plan them in your diary’s for days to do. That way they are no longer tasks hovering over your head but planned tasks that have a day and time that they will be solved.

Your venue: Drop by, ignoring you for three months is not acceptable. Tell them how disappointed you are about their lack of communication.

For the photographer: If your venue is often used for weddings the use the following Google search “venue name photography” this should give you a bunch of links of websites where photographers show off wedding pictures at that venue. Choose three who’s style you like and contact them for quotes. Going with a photographer that knows your venue will save you a lot of time and planning.

 

Cake: How important is the cake to you? Around here our local supermarket does some really good wedding cakes you can order and pick up on the day or the day before. Or otherwise, go to a local bakery with the best reviews and just ask them what their most popular choice is for wedding cakes and order that. 

 

Hair: Talk to your hairdresser. If your wedding is not too early and not too far, just book an appointment with your usual hair dresser early in the morning. Or they might know someone that can come to your house on the day. 

 

His suit: Rental company, let him sort this out, it should not be on your to do list. 

 

Post # 8
Member
402 posts
Helper bee

You should do what feels right to you—-but know that to have a lovely wedding you don’t need a photographer, cake, hairdresser or outfit. You just need the people you care about! Some of the best, most enjoyable, sweetest weddings I’ve been to had none of these things—just handmade cookies, pre-owned clothes, phone cameras and lots of love! 

Post # 9
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

The first thing I would do is go to the venue in person and demand that they acknowledge you and their commitment to you. And then I’d go from there. 

Post # 10
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Bee, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Go to the venue. Physically. They cannot avoid you if you are physically there. Go on a weekday so you can get all the help you need.

House moves are extremely stressful and costly. Not much you can do about that.

My mother had stage 4 breast cancer that 2 months before our wedding went to her brain. I travelled across the control and took her for 20 brain radiation treatments. You will both be alright. She’s had cancer for over 10 years. I had also been unemployed unexpectedly for a while and had to pay for our wedding by ourselves.

Simplify your wedding plans. If this is the man you want to marry, the rest will fall into place. Go on thumbtack or theknot.com and search for a photographer in your area. Call, ask if the date is available, get an appointment, pay the deposit. All done. Hairdresser same thing. Get over to a local tuxedo rental place, should take a couple hours, pay the deposit, done. Do not let all the noise distract you from following through. In the end you will regret it.

Post # 12
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Good luck! It’ll be fine! Enjoy the day but remember it’s just a day when all is said and done.

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