(Closed) Should we cancel the wedding? – sorry, sort of long

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 19
5 posts

I’m really saddened that your sister put you in that situation.  But I echo everyone’s sentiment about the grace and class that you have shown in dealing with this situation.  I think you should still have your wedding – because it’s two families joining, not just one.  Or if you really want, do a destination wedding or elope in a fabulous location!  This is your day!

I do have one question: does the wedding venue that you have selected have audio/visual capabilities?  If so, during the reception maybe you could show a video of family members who were not able to attend giving you guys congratulatory messages, etc?  That’s one way to include your family.  With youtube, the possibilities are endless.

Hope things work out!

Post # 20
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have you thought about going to where your family is to get married? It’s easier to fly the two of you out there than all of them to the US. Might be a romantic option, as well!

Post # 21
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree with:

View original reply
@mwitter80:How  would you both feel about a double wedding? Could you move your wedding up and still have your venue?  Or could you ask your sister to move her wedding to your date so that you could keep your venue/deposits?  Because you are close to each other, it might end up being really nice to celebrate your weddings the same day-maybe not your ideal, but better than you missing out on family being at yours.   You could share the cost and both have everyone there. You both could have all the vendors you both wanted. And with the cost savings you could have a great honeymoon! 


Post # 22
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011 - Catholic Church, Lakeview Golf Resort and Spa

If I were in your family’s situation, I would contact my other family members and have some go to your sisters and some go to yours.  It’s definitely not an ideal situation, but beats the “my sister is getting married first, so everyone is coming to her wedding” problem.

I agree with those who say talk to your sister.  Though honestly it seems that you had your date set first, so your family should have been committed to attending yours.  Also, it sounds like both of you guys have been engaged for years and have had the date set for years.  I understand that unexpected expenses come up (like you’ve said), but your family has had close to 4 years to prepare for both trips.  They should have told you all this would be a problem early on.  It’s not your job to be aware of everyone’s finances.

It’s a crappy situation, but I don’t think that you should have to cancel your wedding when your family had ample time to prepare to travel to both :(.  Sorry I don’t have any advice, just another opinion to think about.

Post # 23
2261 posts
Buzzing bee

What about a sweet and simple ceremony at home and then use all that extra moolah to take a wicked honeymoon visiting all the family that missed out, but still make time for all that couplely fun 😉 ?

Post # 24
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

i agree with PPs who suggest a double wedding. I mean, your sister already said she wants to use all the vendors you picked anwyays, so it’s not like the two of you have wildly divergent tastes. And if you have a double wedding, that doesn’t mean you have to do a lame double ceremony with the two of you on one side and the two grooms on the other. You can do one after the other, or bookend them around cocktail hour. You really could stand to save a LOT of money this way–and your families could too.

Post # 25
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Well I can honestly say that you are seeming to be handling the situation very gracefully. Good for you!! Maybe I would try and talk to your sister. I would just let her khow what all of this has done to your own wedding plans explain whats going on with family etc. 

But if the big wedding isnt for you.. and you just want it to be something romantic for the two of you. Elope somewhere beautiful it could double as your honeymoon and be a great way to spend some good quality time, and have the most romantic memorable time!! 

But I cant help but notice that you had said you had put deposits down already. Will you be losing a substancial amount of money. I know that family is important but maybe just a small wedding with a celebration after with close friends that love and support you,, 

With all that being said Im sorry that this has happened and you feel so confused about everything. Good luck with your contiued planning whatever you decide to do!

Post # 26
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

what if you went the courthouse route, but still had his family there and went to a restaurant after with just them and a few close friends?

Post # 27
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sorry that you are going through this, I would be very annoyed with your sister.  I agree with some other posters that you should elope somewhere amazing!  If you can’t have your family there and you have never dreamt of a huge wedding make the day all about you and your Fiance. 

Post # 28
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I agree with biscuit, try and contact some of your family and see if some of them could attend one and some the other.

Post # 29
6891 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow. You are handling this a lot better than I would be, honestly. If I were you, I would do what

View original reply
@Mrs. Meowerson: suggested and plan a really cute courthouse (or simple garden type) ceremony and then go to a nice restaurant with your FI’s family. It’s your family that will lose out because your sister did this. (And I know the whole “you only get one day” thing but when it’s family I tend to think that people should REALLY think about what position they are putting others in, especially when the other already has a date set).

Good Luck.

Post # 30
374 posts
Helper bee

Some thoughts:

Can you fly to where your family is?

Does your side know what your wedding date and plans are?  Maybe half will go to your sister’s and the other half to yours [excluding parents, of course unless your family is blended.]  I’d send out Save The Dates early; keep to your plan [it’s his wedding, too.].  Whomever comes, comes.  It’s on them.  Not you.

Why should you get married in the court house?  What is it you want?  Celebrate the way you want to.  You’ve saved for it.

Your sister wasn’t nice; but, she sounds terribly insecure.  Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

Or scratch the entire idea and do a destination wedding and whoever shows up, shows up.

I’d make a list of the most important family members that you want there.  Are they able to make it?  Have you spoken to them directly?  Don’t let them think you are pitting your sister against you and forcing them to choose one sister over the other.

Have you thought about a double wedding?  I second that idea.

I know it’s not nice and you are sad.  But concentrate on what is important.

In the end, if you don’t want to spend all that money on a formal reception, don’t.  If you are religious, talk it over with your pastor/priest/rabbi.  Maybe s/he can do a simple service in the santuary without much cost.  Don’t get married in the court house if you really wanted the whole tortilla.

I am thinking of you.


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