(Closed) Should we cancel the wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should we cancel and start over or not?
    Yes : (13 votes)
    16 %
    No : (68 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    13014 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If he’s not onboard with a small wedding, you have to find some other compromise.  How does he feel about how much his dad is being involved?  Can he talk to his dad and ask him to back off a little?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    In this situation I feel like Fiance needs to talk to his dad to explain that his behavior is causing a serious strain in the relationship between the two of you. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @future Mrs. Maxx:  My question is why is your Fiance allowing his father to do this to you both?

    Post # 6
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Is his dad paying for the wedding? Is that why he is allowed any input?

     Edit: The one thing you absolutely should not do is unilaterally cancel/radically change the wedding. That would be completely unfair to your Fiance.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    It sounds to me like the only person who needs to be kept in the dark until 2 weeks before the wedding is his dad. Scratch that, keep him in the dark until the day before. Tell him the date, and nothing else. Tell him you’re cancelling everything and starting over and that the details are all super secret. Then plan the wedding you want and when he asks about it smile and say “Super Secret Wedding!”

    I honestly don’t think you need to dump the plans entirely and start over (although you may want to scale down a bit if it’s feeling like it will get difficult to deal with). I think you just need to tell your Future Father-In-Law absolutely nothing about any of it so he can’t meddle. And get anyone you can on your side on this, so they understand not to talk about it to him, either.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1844 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have a similar question, why are you allowing your Fi’s father to control your wedding? Is he paying for it?

    Joining you on a honeymoon unwelcomed is obviously not okay. If he is paying however he does have the right to make some demands. If he is not paying at all then it is time for you Fiance to have a sit down with his father and explain how it is affecting you guys.

    Medeling now might just be annoying but what happens when you have kids? when will it stop?

    Post # 9
    Member
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I would keep the wedding as is if that is what your Fiance really wants and put some distance between yourselves and hs dad. Stop talking wedding talk with him and if he brings it up tell him you’ve got it covered. Just because he makes demands, doesn’t mean you have to listen-unless he is paying for the entire thing.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1104 posts
    Bumble bee

    If Father-In-Law is paying for the entire wedding (and honeymoon – geez!) I would cancel and have a smaller wedding that you and your Fiance can afford without his help.

    If he is paying for part of the wedding, I would tell him you have decided to cut out X and Y and don’t need his input anymore.

    If he is paying for none of the wedding, I would start ignoring him and don’t share anything with him except the date. Your Fiance needs to be the one to do all of this, it’s his family. I don’t understand why he is meddling so much? Is there something else going on that might be causing it? Just seems a strange thing for a middle aged man to get obsessed over. Does he know how much stress it’s causing both of you?

    Post # 11
    Member
    7409 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Wow- I never heard of a Father-In-Law being that meddling…. a Mother-In-Law yes.  Why does he get any say at all?

    Post # 12
    Member
    2416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Who is paying for this wedding? If it isn’t your future Father-In-Law than I’d stop worrying and ignore him.

    Have you tried talking to him? I’m sure if he knew that he was the reason you guys want to do this he might change his ways.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1158 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Sounds like he needs a hobby or a companion.Sounds like he is single and bored.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1512 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think you should cancel, but you or your Fiance definitely need to talk to his dad. Like everyone else said, just keep him in the dark about everything other than the date.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3248 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Bleh, I completely sympathize about parents trying to control one’s life– I’ve had problems with that. . . yuk. Don’t let your badly behaved Future Father-In-Law ruin this experience for you. That would be giving an unpleasant person way more power than he deserves. 

    Anyway, I completely agree with what mountain.bride said, as for what to do in various money scenarios. Also I agree with another of the PPs, in that if he isn’t paying, then he has no say in what happens, as he is one of the guests– and you should definitely ignore his attempts to interfere.

    Future Father-In-Law is a GUEST at your (yours and FI’s) wedding and you two are planning it to go as you have always wanted it to go. And will ask for help/input/etc. if you need it. Tell Future Father-In-Law so, politely, but firmly. And if he still tries to interfere, and is extremely obnoxious, maybe then you will have to reschedule. In that case, make sure Future Father-In-Law doesn’t know the date until like 2 days before. But, I hope that you won’t have to reschedule!

    I do think that it is important to listen to your Fiance. Maybe the two of you need to go over some different scenarios together, to see what your options are? Then, if you need to, you’ll be able to make a descision about this that’s a compromise between the two of you.

    If Future Father-In-Law is threatening to crash your honeymoon, well, that’s just not OK. If he isn’t the one paying for it, I think you have every right to ask him, again politely but firmly, to not show up at any time. And if absolutely necessary, change the location or dates of your honeymoon to avoid him. It’s not worth the stress on you, your Fiance, and your brand-new marriage to have to worry about the guy showing up on you!

    Lots of Good Luck and hoping you figure this out soon!

     

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