Post # 1
Sorry in advance, this is sort of long.
I got engaged in November 2007. We decided that we wouldn’t set a date until after I graduated college, which was in June 2008. We set a tentative date for September 2009. We have looked at venues, but haven’t actually signed any papers and no money has been paid.
There are some issues that have come up in the last few months. We have been trying to save up some money for the wedding and a down payment for a house. I am 23 and I had to have my gallbladder taken out in September. So I am currently still paying on over $2,000 that my insurance did not cover. I have to take a class this spring that will let me complete the requirements for my degree (don’t ask). I will have to travel 2 hours twice a week in order to take this class. My student loans have begun to be due, to the tune of $430 a month (on ~$50,000). To top it all off, one of our best friends has decided to get married on a cruise in May and we are going even though it is probably not the best idea.
I work 3 jobs that total about 70+ hours a week. I am doing the best that I know how and trying to find a job in my field. I am a little stressed, to say the least. My Fiance told me that we should maybe put off the wedding about 6 months, or spring of 2010. I think it might be a good idea, and I can almost feel the stress lifting when I think about it.
The problem is that my mom is livid about the idea. She says that there is no good time to do anything like get married or have kids, you just have to do it or you never will. My best friend’s mom says that I should do what is right for me.
I just don’t know what to do, I want to get married in September but I don’t want to make myself sick with all the stress. I already have heartburn issues and the gallbladder, I don’t really want any more. So please help me out bees.
Thanks so much in advance.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2020 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
I think you should listen to your body. It will tell you what to do.
I think you sound extremely reponsible and level-headed about the whole situation. While this could really throw off some people, you have stayed very reasonable about it (even though your mother isn’t!). I would talk to her and explain what you just told us I can’t imagine, if she knew it would only add to your stress and make you physically sick, that she would want that to happen.
At the end of the day, it is your wedding. & if you and your fiancee are both on the same page and are okay with your decision, then go for it.
Post # 4
Definitely change your date. We had a ton of things going on in the months leading up to the wedding and 6 months out we postponed it by a whole year. Life got back to normal and my fingernails were given the chance to survive again! I’m SO GLAD we changed the date and I would encourage anyone who is under too much stress, has health problems, family has a crisis, etc, to do the same. I don’t think it’s bad luck, and while it can be awkward and requre a lot of explaining, your health and happiness are what matter. Yuo will still be together in the end! Forever!
Post # 5
I agree with quiche, you need to listen to your body. You don’t want to put yourself in the hospital because you have stressed yourself to that point.
Having said that, if you have your heart set on getting married in September, why not have a private service for just your family and maybe a handful of friends? Then on your one year anniversary have the "big" thing. You still have a year to save up money and get the rest taken care of, but you still get to be married when you want to.
Post # 6
You do sound levelheaded, and with the time of planning along with the expense of even a small wedding, putting it off isn’t a bad idea. If you and your Fiance are okay with that, your family will have to understand. If you are making definite plans – even 2 year down the road plans – that should be enough.
That said, like the previous poster mentioned, would you consider a private ceremony? The benefits of that, in addition to placating your mother, could be many. If you and your Fiance are living as a married couple, there may be financial benefits to marriage, like filing taxes together or health insurance. You could have a larger wedding later.
Post # 7
Seriously, your wedding is not about your mom- it’s about you and your beloved. I say this as a bride that’s getting married for the second time. The first wedding was all about my mom, and I am not making the same mistake this time around– this wedding is all about me and my fiance.
I vote for postponing the wedding. This is going to be one of the most meaningful and memorable days you are going to have (and one of the biggest parties you’ll ever throw!) and you’ve got to be able to enjoy it.
Post # 8
Who wouldn’t understand financial crunches in a time like this?? Postpone it! You want to feel good about your wedding day, not like you were backed into a corner. A wedding isn’t like taking a trip to Europe…just because you don’t do it in September doesn’t mean you will NEVER do it. That’s silly. Relax, plan it for when you want!
Post # 9
I agree with MightySapphire. A complicating factor is that you don’t technically have anything booked for your date – you could obviously still do it, but probably will not get your choice of vendors at the price that you want them at. Although your mother may be upset, it does not sound like she is footing the bill, so you need to explain to her your concerns. You are young, you have plenty of time to get married!
Post # 10
Just kidding (kinda). You have to do what works best for you. Unfortunately, moms don’t always see things our way. My new favorite phrase for my mom is "Well, when you get married, you can ______." She gets the point that she’s being pushy and we get a little laugh out of it. Good Luck!!!
Post # 11
I agree, listen to your body and take your own advice. While your mom may be right about there never being a perfect time to get married or have kids, at least you can *try* to time it so you’re less stressed and have an opportunity to enjoy such a momentous occasion! Besides, it’s only 6 months, and you’re 23.
Savor the feeling of being young and engaged; we knew we’d be getting married when I was 24, but I also wanted time to iron out my career, and enjoy being just the two of us without wedding/baby pressure. Making the decision to wait (I’ll be 28 when we’re married) has been one of the best things I’ve done.
Good luck and hope things work out well!
Post # 12
I say wait. My fam wasn’t happy that I moved in with Fiance before the wedding, but I didn’t want to have to rush and plan a wedding before we moved. So we lived in sin and got married the next year.
Planning a wedding is stressful enough when everything else in your life is in order.
If you postpone you can at least enjoy the planning more. Your engagement should be a fun time- not a marathon to keep up.
Your mom will be happy for you no matter what date you choose.
I think it’s unanimous that the Hive thinks you should do what feels right for you!!!
Post # 13
I’ve gone from getting married at the end of 08 to April of 09 to now June 27th – it’s what works for you! If you are totally stressed out, then wait!! Why go into what is supposed to be a happy day all crazy with stress and worry?
If you and your Fiance are ok with waiting, then do it! If my boy would allow it we would just move in, save over $2000 a month on rent and we would push it off until 2010 – but he doesn’t want that, and I’m actaully really happy about it.
We have set a budget of $5000 and while I will do my best to do it well under that, it is something we know we can do and not go into any more debt by having a wedding.
You can always spread it out over time and get a few things when you can (invitations, programs, favor boxes – if you are going to DIY) and then just store it up until it’s time to go into action!
If you haven’t already put money down – then WAIT!! Tell your mom that you don’t want to end up in the hospital from stress on your honeymoon!!
Post # 14
Definitely do what makes you and your fiance happy, which would be either postponing the wedding or having a small, low-key affair. Too many people live with regret that they didn’t have the wedding they wanted. It’s your wedding.
Why do you think your mom is so livid? Does she have a legitimate reason, other than the "there’s never a good time" thing? I just don’t see why she would hold it against you for what seems like a very practical decision.
Post # 15
I feel your pain! We’re in a similar situation (except it’s the boy and two herniated discs in his neck instead of your gallstones and we haven’t set a date of made anything official yet.)
The way I see it is we can have a small ceremony this fall or wait or have a bigger party in 2010 (hopefully). Since we don’t have any pressing reasons to make it official and it’s really important to us to include our family and friends we’re going to wait. However, there are definitely times where I fantasize about a simple, inexpensive celebration that really boils it down to the basics. I
think you have to ask yourselves, what’s really important to you and why are you planning the wedding that you are? (Basically, I’m not saying anything the other bees haven’t already said but consider this another vote for preserving your health and sanity over catering to your mother’s impatience.)
Post # 16
You sound very lucid and mature. I think your mom needs to mind her own business.