Post # 1
Member
6 posts
Newbee
My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months, and together for almost two years. We are head over heels about each other. 🙂 We wanted to simple wedding..just family. Everything was planned for February, but through out the entire wedding process I was told I was selfish for not having bridesmaids, for not inviting all my friends, for not spending my wedding night in a fancy hotel, for not knowing how my mom was getting to the ceremony, and for having our wedding on a weekday. We are not even able to go on a honeymoon until next year because I am in school year round. There were a lot more things that happened, and I have been crying ever since my fiancee and I told my parents what we desired for a wedding. We ended up postponing our wedding. My mom has now said that this next go around we are going to do everything right…all of the formal traditions, and that I have to give her 3 months to plan the next wedding. At this point, my fiancee and I just want to be together. We had talked about eloping before all of this because we are both in the background kind of people and do not like being in front of people. However, we knew that our families would want to be there to share this with us. We tried it, and now we really want to elope. I told my family that we wanted to elope and they said we were selfish to even consider it, and that they have lost respect for my fiancee and I. We do not know what to do. We want to be together as soon as possible! Is it selfish to elope and then have a big party after?
Post # 3
Member
765 posts
Busy bee
Not really in the same position as you but I was about 3 months ago. My fiancé and I wanted a small wedding; we wanted those most important to us (about 20) there rather then having all of our moms friends and extended family and paying a small fortune of money we don’t and our family doesn’t have. But we weregoing to have this huge, outrageous, lavish wedding anyways. Well priorities soon changed when we found out my grandma had lung cancer and seein those who really cared about us.
We just decided about an hour and a half ago to forgo the big wedding. We are having a small wedding at a chapel we love and have dreamed about getting married at (it was doable for a big wedding) with those most important and a sting quartet. We are hiring our photographer we have already booked to capture the day. My mom, his mom, my lone bridesmaid, and me are going go and ge beautied. Then we are going to our special restaurant in their private room for an amazing dinner, family fellowship, games. We will also have our first dance and cut the cake with champagne toasts. I will have a dress veil, bouquet; he will have a tux and bout. We will each have an attendant and there will be a lot of traditional details. But we are doing the things important to us with those who love us and support us. We are also planning it for the fall on a weekday. And the costs for this dream wedding will be a 1/4 of the big wedding.
We don’t know how our family will react. Our moms will be fine with it and we will have what we truly dream of and will be husby and wifey at the end of the night and that’s all we could dream for and more.
Maybe not going into as much detail as we want but having that small intimate wedding in 3 months will be a perfect compromise. Include what’s most important to you and let your family deal with it because at the end of the day all that matters is being married to your best friend and love of your life.
Sorry for the typos and not making much sense I’m on my phone and trying to walk at the same time.
Post # 4
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
We are doing it too!!! I am so excited…. It is like a weight has been lifted off my chest!
Post # 5
Member
6111 posts
Bee Keeper
I personally have been taught my whole life that eloping is the best thing to do for everyone. WHY? Well because your guests have to spend time and money on your behalf. Money for a gift, money for hotels/cars/airline tickets (we don’t live near any family or friends). In actuality, it’s just a royal pain for everyone else involved. Only you are going to be excited about your own wedding – no one else will ever be as excited, not even close.
So being raised with this belief, and then to hear “My mother wants me to have a wedding. Our family thinks we’re selfish for eloping.” it just does not register in my head. A wedding is the last thing my mom is thinking about. Honestly I look at it as you’re doing everyone a favor by eloping.
My family is not really that excited. They are more concnered about the money to get there. Then to add on top of this, my dad is probably going to pass away very soon, and it could just be the most horrible timing. I’m considering eloping as well just to save everyone the grief, heartache and money. I probably won’t be able to pull off a wedding either, if my dad will have just passed away.
We have to come up with a decision pretty soon – cancel it all or continue on with our planned July wedding. Eloping seems best all around. Then maybe have a meeting of the families next summer as our families have not met yet.
The reason why we planned a wedding in the first place is because I was married bfore without anything special – like a courthouse, jeans andthen went back to work. I thought now is my second chance to actually have the wedding event, but there was so much guilt with asking my immediate family to come out to us where the wedding will be. So I’m pretty far into the wedding planning stages and – although i enjoy the research aspect – I was literally loosing sleep over how to pull off this wedding in real life! To elope would be a relief. However, I’m not sure if I will regret it either. I have been married before without family present. While that was not a regret that I had, I regret that it wasn’t special. So as long as my Fiance and I can make it special I really think I will be OK with eloping again.
Post # 6
Member
16 posts
Newbee
I would say just go for it! My fiance and I are very individualistic and we weren’t about to do things because that’s what everyone wants us to do. My parents – thankfully! – are very laid back and have already seen 3 of their children get married. But his parents (including step-parents) are more … hm. Controlling, maybe? That may not be the perfect word, because they are not demanding, but they do have an idea of what they want for their son wedding wise. We are SO HAPPY about the decision we made. Afterall, this is OUR day, right? This was 100% the right choice for us. 🙂
Post # 7
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
My advice to you is just make sure you don’t regret it. I wanted to elope a while back but I was having second thoughts so now we are going to have a small wedding of about 25. I think eloping is fine though.
Post # 8
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA
We eloped, and I’m so glad we did. It was the best thing we ever did, because we put what was most important to us first. It might be selfish, but on the other hand marriage is two people, not 200 people.
We had a party eight months after we eloped, and it was perfect.
I say go for it. Do what makes you the most happy and you won’t regret it.