Post # 1
i really want to elope because of financial as well as personal reasons. My fiance and I are both students with little to no money, and are relocating in a year. Budget isn’t even in my vocabulary right now. I would much rather elope and have the most important day of my married life be just between the two of us. I love my family dearly but they stress me out insanely and I am terrified that unintentionally they will ruin my day. My second option is this: we may have a very small wedding (under 30 people, family and closest only) in my fiance’s home. And I would like a nighttime wedding 7/7:30…and have a ceremony, champagne toast, cake, and coffee, and then dancing.
We are trying to come up with something soon because we rae paying for college completely on our own…our parents have too high of incomes for us to get anthing from the FAFSA. We would get money though if we were married…
Plus we love eachother more than anything and want to be maried when we move
Post # 3
From what you’re saying, it sounds like you don’t want a wedding at all- regardless of finances.
I would say elope. Do something special and make the day just about you and your fiance.
You could always elope and then just have a small party afterwards.
Post # 4
If you want to elope, go for it! 🙂 Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 5
Can you guys wait until you have graduated, moved and started working? Fiance and I decided to wait until we both graduated grad school to get married because I knew I would drive myself crazy trying to plan a wedding while studying, and besides that we were broke! We are in a much better position now 1 year out, and I think it was the best decision for us to wait (we were/are living together anyway and have joint finances). But if you guys decide to elope, go for it! Congratulations either way!
Post # 6
Yes you could elope, I would suggest waiting but if for financial reasons it would be better if you are married now and you are still on the same page you could just go to your town hall and fill out the paperwork, altough unless your in a state that allows self officiating (that’s what we did) you will have to get an officiant to sign off on it.) You could have a ceremony later on.
If your family is going to stress you out that much though I would just recommend straight up eloping and having a party after to make them feel included.
Post # 7
I think you should just elope. My husband and I have two years left of school, and we just got married this summer. I didn’t want to move in with him until we are married, and it is so nice now that we are married and living together! If you are having any doubts now about wanting a wedding though, you will probably not enjoy planning the wedding. It is a lot of money, even for a small wedding. We are wishing right now that we had eloped and saved my parents the money!
Post # 8
Thanks all of you for your helpful advice…yes, we could wait of course but it saves us quite a bit of money if we are married. i’ll explain: if you are under the age of 24 you must use your parent’s income on the FAFSA, even if you are otherwise independant. The only way to get out of that rule is like if you were a foster child or have a child or are married. So our parents make enough money that we recieve no aid. being married we are considered independent and only have to show our combined income…which is like $15k a year…and voila we are below the poverty line and thus will recieve aid. and we’re talking about a good amount of money, the pell grant alone gives you $5,500 a year. We are very concerned about going into debt. i myself made the mistake of getting a credit card at 18 and now 5 years later i am finally paying off my last card, so my credit is screwed. my fiance has no credit at all (good/bad). We are so concerned about money that I have decided to go to work when we move insteading of continuing on in my schooling.
But anyways…back to wedding world 🙂 I truly would love a wedding but I’d rather remain sane and really get to spend the day happy and in love
Post # 9
I would elope. If you feel ready and it’s something you want to do now regardless, do it! The positives like finances and moving together would be good incentives to not have the “big wedding” that it doesn’t even sound like you want.
If you think you’ll regret family not being there, the second option is also a good one. Weddings don’t have to be expensive or stressful, but they are for many because it’s a huge event where you’re trying to please too many people at once while still feeling like it’s “about the couple.”
Often I wish we’d eloped or at least done a very small Destination Wedding. I don’t regret my wedding at all, but that would have been just as great!
Post # 10
@LibbyDawn: Also, I get your money thing. I’m going into Grad School and would have had to put my parents down, which is stupidly ridiculous to me. We didn’t get married until about a year after I got out of undergrad, but I’d still have had my parents on my grad school finances. Wtf? They make an obscene amount of money, but it isn’t for me! I don’t like the EFC part of the FAFSA. How about skip “expected” and try “what actually happens.”
Post # 11
Darling Husband and I are both students also but we actually qualified for the FAFSA due to neither of our parents having incomes. Nevertheless we were broke college kids either way, so I relate to what you’re saying.
Now we had a (very small) wedding that we paid for ourselves, however the costs were not very very high. For us, in our particular situation, waiting until school was over would not have made any difference in our wedding/budget and we wanted to start our joint life together as soon as possible to make life easier. (I am SOOO happy we have our own place now!)
I will say though, that even though I loved my wedding, there were times when the stress was overwhelming with school to boot. I also have a stressful family and they did little to offset that stress. There were times when I wanted to get in the car, drive out of state, and just get it done already. If we had of I know I would have been just as happy and it would still have been special. Both options have their pros and cons.
Maybe do the elopement and then when you come back have a small reception to celebrate and you can do all the traditional stuff there if you want.
Post # 12
I live in Utah where the marjority of couples get married under the age of 24 and I have known many married couples to get plenty of free aid just due to being married so young and having zilch for income. I worked with these people. No debt at all! I’d re look into that rule. And the H of one couple was a professor at the college he went to! He still got free money.
But anyway, that’s not a reason FOR marriage! Just wanted to mention what I’ve seen here.
If you think you’d be totally fine without any guests or witnesses that you know – then go for it! I have eloped twice now with no family present and I think I get a little nauseated thinking of having to do all that in front of people and worrying about other people. It suited us just well. You can still make it a lovely wedding, just the two of you!
Sometimes we don’t get EXACTLY what we want for our wedding. Sometimes PLan B turns out to be just as good even better. As my new husband put it, 90% is the awesomeness of us simply getting married, the other 10% are just the details (when, where, how).
I have a couple cheap wedding dresses I am selling by the way…
Post # 13
I’m totally for eloping. We seriously considered it at times. It can be really romantic when it’s just the two of you and if your families want a big wedding then they can pay for a reception at a later date.
Post # 14
thanks everyone…and don’t worry, that is not the reason we are getting married. just simply a reason to do it a few months sooner. i know my familuy and kind and sweet as they are…the budget will never be huge and will always have some strings attached.i havn’t decided yet what we will do but i’m sure it will be great
Post # 15
I think you should elope, then have a nice reception afterwards. I kind of wish Andy and I could elope, but both of our parents want us to have a big wedding.
Btw, I feel your pain about the student loans, I’m $50k in debt because I had to take out loans because my parents made too much money, and I didn’t qualify for FAFSA either.
Post # 16
@LibbyDawn: I am sure you could do something very small and nice, with or without your family. Guessing since you live in Repost that you go to SSU (I am an SSU grad!). Maybe a ceremony on campus? The lawn near the pond is beautiful and I think it is free or very inexpensive. Then post ceremony off to a nice restaurant or someone’s home for a small recpeption?