(Closed) Should we even have a wedding or just elope?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I say plan the wedding YOU want, and if your family isn’t on board or can’t keep their bigotry in check for a few hours, then they don’t have to come.

Post # 4
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I was sort of in the same predicament as you… I WANTED a wedding, but Fiance and I would have had to pay for it ourselves, and that much money for a wedding didn’t seem practical for us… We figured we would regret spending all of it on the party when it came time for us to buy a house.. And also, my family is too damn opinionated and always had  something to say regarding what they thinK I should do for “MY wedding”..Like you, the little aspects were important to me.. My parents, my sister, a cake, a photographer, and a dress… These are things I felt I needed in my life, as you only get married once (or suppose to, at least)..

So Fiance and I decided we’re going to have a civil ceremony with just our parents and siblings.. Im gonna wear a long form fitting wedding down and hire a photographer for the whole day.. After the ceremony, we’ll then go to a private dinner at a restaurant, have our “first dance” and “toasts” and we’ll even have a small 2 tiered wedding cake, and call it a day.. We’ll still have all the memories because we have the photographer to capture all of the days special moments.. 

We figured that in the end, the day is aboout US. Though we would love to have ALL of our family there, it’s just really expensive and it’s all too much work. A beautiful marriage is much more important to us than a beautiful wedding.. and when it comes down to it, our intimate ceremony plans is about US. not anyone else… And the plus side is that we have more money available to spend on a long honeymoon! lol

Good luck with whatever you decide! 

Post # 5
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012


I am not sure how much of a happy day you can have while stressing over money and your family who cannot keep their mouths shut. I’d constantly be worried about trying to reel in my family so they don’t make fools of themselves.  Some will still show up, even if they don’t like it, but who knows what they will end up saying.

If you do pay for everything yourselves, then no one else has any input or say – just saying. 

With an elopement, all the money you spend can be just on you two.  Make it a great vacation and get married while on that trip!  Invite a couple sets of close friends if you want (as witnesses) if you want.  Throw a dinner for everyone when you get back if you want.

Post # 6
8 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

My situation is sort of similar. I don’t want a large wedding because I could not live with myself if I spend the amount of money necessary to throw one here in Massachusetts. Couple that with our desire to wed in 2013 (the horror!) and there are just no affordable ways to do this that would make us happy and satisfied with how we spent this day. I also have some family drama that I don’t want front and center and causing rifts and pulling focus. 


So our solution is a very intimate destination wedding where will will foot the bill for accomodations and food for our guests. We are keeping it to close friends and family and that’s it. Well this is causing a ton of drama too! 

I’m begining to realize that this is just going to be a miserable experience and look forward to our marriage. 

Post # 7
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@multibean25:  I would follow your heart and I agree with PP that if your family can’t handle the situation then it isn’t worth getting them involved or having them pay for your wedding. You could always elope and have a photographer there then have a bigger party later. 

Post # 8
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Elope. Go have a fun weekend vacation and get hitched. 

Post # 9
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Reading the title, my first reaction was ELOPE. We started planning a wedding, and now we’re in some financial trouble, and are probably going to have to scrap it and elope, which I was upset about, but the more I think about it, the happier I am with the idea. It will be so much easier…and cheaper!

BUT I get that you have a distinct idea for your wedding, and it sounds great. IF you do decide to go ahead, I would be up front with your family about your plans. Most of what you said is how you THINK your family will react, so you won’t actually know until you talk to them. Just tell them you want your closest friends to have equal roles in your wedding, and you don’t want it to be super traditional. 

Are you prepared for your parents to refuse to attend? Are you ok with having a wedding and them not coming?

If it’s going to be too hard for you to decide, I’d elope. You can definitely hire a photographer and celebrate with the man you love!

Post # 10
36 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014

Have a small informal thing with family and have a seperate wedding that YOU want with everyone else. I am sure you love your family, but trying to make everyone happy would drive you insane. At the same time, not getting to have a beautiful wedding day because you happen to be related to a bunch of judgemental people is unfair to you and to your Fiance. If money is an issue there are lots of ways to cut costs. Someone you know has to have a beautiful back yard, for instance. 

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