(Closed) Should we find out the gender?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: Should we find out the gender?
    No, keep it a secret until delivery : (41 votes)
    29 %
    Yes, go ahead and find out, but keep it a secret from everyone else : (48 votes)
    35 %
    Yes, find out, but go ahead and tell everyone : (44 votes)
    32 %
    other : (6 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    Our scan is Thursday and we are waiting. I know personally no matter how hard we try, it will be impossible to keep the secret if we know and we do not want to get a lot of gendered gifts.

    If you are worried it will be a girl (I want a boy too!), I think it’s better not to know, personally, because once you’ve pushed it out and are holding it in your arms, you will instantly love it no matter what so why put yourself through 4 or 5 months of knowing it’s a girl and being disappointed and trying to convince yourself you’ll be happy when in the end you will be and you could’ve just avoided that stress?

    Post # 4
    Member
    607 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    If you have your heart set on a boy, I think I would find out– better to deal with the disappointment now than when you actually have the baby in your arms, right? Possibly someone has actually gone through this though, and knows more than me?

    If you do find out, I would tell people. I think it’s sort of rude to lie to all the people in your life that care about you and your baby. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    This is a tough one. We were team green up until 25 weeks when we had a scan to recheck a couple of things and the ultrasound tech accidentally slipped up and told us we were having a girl. We were really upset that we found out because we really wanted a surprise. We ended up telling everyone at our shower 3 weeks later, so everything we got was gender neutral anyway, which was awesome! It was a lot of things we needed instead of cutesy things. So you could do something like that so you get the best of both worlds. With that being said, we are happy we know we are having a girl because it makes planning a lot easier. After we announced, we were able to start buying girl clothes instead of only gender neutral, which is a little more difficult, but not impossible. We had planned on setting money aside to do a shopping spree for clothes after the baby was born, had we not found out. So really, there are pros and cons to both, and both are very exciting! Good luck with your decision ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 6
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Find out!

    I don’t understand the concept of being “surprised” at birth.  You’ll be just as “surprised” in the ultrasound room!  I think finding out can be a great way to get over any disappointment as you’ll have lots of time to get used to the idea and find cute things for him or her ahead of time.  The last thing you need in the delivery room is more stress!

    ETA: I also voted that you tell people.  Why not?  ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @Juliepants:  That’s like saying knowing your Christmas gift in advance doesn’t lessen the surpirse of opening the box on Christmas.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I waited with both my pregnancies, but I think, if you’re having second thoughts about waiting, you should just find out.  I know a lot of people who feel more connected to their baby after finding out the sex, so I think that’s a totally legit reason.  Plus, not everyone has that instant connection after birth, and I think it’d be better to work through feelings of gender disappointment before birth than after, when you have so much else going on.

    Also, I don’t know about other Team Greeners, but I still recevied lots of gender-specific items during my pregnancy (from family members and friends).  Luckily, we knew we were having more than one, so I was able to save all of the boy stuff for my son, but being Team Green did not discourage gender-specific gifts.

    Post # 10
    Member
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @Juliepants:  “I don’t understand the concept of being “surprised” at birth.  You’ll be just as “surprised” in the ultrasound room!”

    I’m the same way!  OP – I’d find out.  Maybe as a compromise, you can do some sort of gender reveal at your shower (so don’t tell others until then but do tell them before the birth).

    Post # 11
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’d find out, to give yourself time to accept whatever sex the baby is. You want that moment in the delivery room to be joyful, without any tinge of disappointment.

    I don’t know your reasons for wanting a boy, but if it’s any reassurance, girls these days can do all the things that are traditionally associated with boys – they play sports, take martial arts, go hunting and fishing, roughhouse, etc. And some boys don’t like doing any of these things and would rather write or draw or play music. It totally depends on the kid’s personality.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @mrsSonthebeach:  Lol, I disagree!  I rarely have to dress and buy things for my Christmas presents.  ๐Ÿ˜›

    I get that some people don’t want to find out, I just don’t “get it” personally.  Then again, I’m a blue-paint/pink-paint kind of girl!

    Post # 13
    Member
    5496 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2010

    We were going to wait to find out, but both of us started to cave a few weeks before our 20 week scan. We chose to find out and I’m glad we did! I feel a stronger bond with Baby P knowing he is a boy. And shopping has been so much easier, knowing what to buy. BUT, I totally get the idea of the surprise because I used to feel the same way! For us, as my husband said, we get two surprises this way. One at the 20 week ultrasound (finding out) and then the second (the baby!) at delivery. So that’s what helped us decide. But either way, you can’t go wrong. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 14
    Member
    6009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @Juliepants:  @Mrs.KMM:  I think it’s a surprise either way; waiting to find out is just building up the anticipation!

    Post # 15
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I could absolutely never NOT find out but then again, I’m a total type A nut job and I require advance notice of these things.

    Our friends have two kids and did one of each. With their first, they wanted to find out but the baby apparently disagreed and wouldn’t spread ‘em so that one ended up being a surprise. With their second, they found out. They’ve said that neither experience was any better or worse than the other. Like Juliepants said, you’re either excited at the birth (which you’re going to be anyway) or you get a little treat half way through, when you could probably really use a bit of excitement, so my vote is to find out.

    As for telling everyone else, I like Baos suggestion of making the announcement at your shower. The gifts will already have been purchased so you won’t have to worry about tons of cutesie crap but you’ll still get to let your loved ones in on your secret. 

    @mrsSonthebeach:  I used to open all of my christmas gifts when I was a kid and then retape them shut so that my mom didn’t know. I was still excited to actually get the gift on Christmas so knowing what it was didn’t really matter to me. Besides, there were always still other surprises just like there will be at the birth. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    9483 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I voted yes, but keep it hush hush to everyone else.  Haha.  I don’t think I could ever wait to find out what I was having.

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