Should we fire the nanny ??

posted 1 month ago in Babies
  • poll: Should we fire her?
    Yes : (116 votes)
    85 %
    No give her another chance : (21 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee

    lilceeja124 :  “He thinks she can fix all these things” 

    But what about the things you don’t think to tell her specifically? I mean, you shouldn’t have to say ‘please don’t pick up my baby by his arms’. This totally should have been a given. So how on earth are you to know what other common sense things aren’t a given with this irresponsible nanny? Do you have to specifically say to her ‘hey, if one of your friends drops by, it’s not okay to put the baby on your lap in the front seat of her car and go for a drive’. ‘hey, please don’t leave the baby unattended in the bathtub’ ‘hey, if he’s left on the change table, he could roll off’

    If she doesn’t think to feed him for 5 hours and picks him up by the arms, who knows what else she cluelessly figures is okay? You don’t want to risk a tragedy because you didn’t think to remind her of something she shouldn’t have needed reminding of in the first place. 

    ^^^ I know you’ve already got your mom in place and are looking for a new nanny, the above is written as an answer to your husband’s mindset that giving the nanny the chance to ‘fix things’ was a viable solution. Very naive of him, I’m glad you took charge of this situation OP. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    6334 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Please find someone else.  The TV is never a tool to watch a baby.  As a mother there are more times than not that I just don’t eat when my kids eat.  And forget about sitting down.  21 or not she’s old enough to understand the basic concepts of not having people over, carrying a baby correctly and managing a feeding schedule.

    Post # 48
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    chocolateplease :  Yep. I get red in the face just talking about it. Some parents forget that they’re consenting for their child, who cannot give his or her own consent, and if you fuck up, you can’t take it back. I don’t think OP wants to be the one who let a nanny dislocate her son’s shoulder. I just saw someone’s thread about accidentally hurting their kids and soooo many Bees feel awful, I’m sure OP would feel horrible too. She does not deserve to carry that guilt because her husband is uninformed or didn’t see it.

    Also OP, use your mom. In protecting your child and giving him the gift of a loving provider, you’re also giving her the gift of spending invaluable time with her grandson. Sounds like a win all around to me. You deserve peace of mind.

    Post # 49
    Member
    2865 posts
    Sugar bee

    Carrying your kid in a way that could harm him, bringing her boyfriend to the house to distract her, letting your kid go hungry for 5 hours….That’s not just misunderstanding the rules, that’s poor judgement. 

    and this is all on the FIRST DAY. Imagine what she’ll be like when she gets ‘comfortable’ and bored. If you keep her you’re going to feel like you have to watch her all summer.

    Post # 50
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee

    True story. When I was 21 and in college I was a nanny for a family who went to the same church as me. I often watched the kids alone but occassionally I accompanied the mom to errends and mommy groups as an extra set of hands (she had 2 boys under 2). 

    One day we were at a mommy group gathering at the zoo and I casually picked up her youngest son with my hands under his armpits. His mother calmly, but immediately corrected me and from that point on I never picked him up that way. I wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt him, I just didn’t know because I was young and wasn’t a parent myself.

    If that was the only thing she did then I’d probably chalk it up to she just didn’t know. However, mixed with the rest of the stuff…yeah I don’t know if I’d want her back. All the other stuff yes could be corrected, but the stranger in the house on the first day? That’s hard. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    There are no second chances with unsafe people.   This woman chose to disregard your instructions and let a stranger into your home.

    How will she react if your baby cries for hours?  Will she leave your baby in the tub if she’s on the phone with her boyfriend? Will she forget to test the temperature of the bottle?

    Your husband is forgetting that if something happens to this child, it will have be because you guys made a deliberate, informed choice to keep your child in the care of someone who proved to you on day 1 that she was unfit to do so.  Deliberately keeping your child in an unsafe situation is not a choice good parents make. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee

    lilceeja124 :  Immediate fire for letting someone in your HOME with your child in it with no permission. No questions asked.

    Dont care if she is a superstar otherwise thats a huge overcross.

    ETA: iI dont have kids yet but when I do.. a 21 year old college student is not who should be nannying your child daily at this insanely young and vulnerable age.

    When you have a 10 year old and want a date night sure.. but a 8 month old who needs constant play and stimulation and attention. F”ck no

    Post # 53
    Member
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I’d fire her! And if he has a huge issue with it, I might fire him too. Sounds like he is quite enamored with having a young college girl in his home, rather than with the safety of his child. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee

    Nanny here. I have worked for many families over the years and would NEVER have thought this was appropriate. You are in someone else’s home with some else’s baby, you don’t get to invite people over. I would definitely be more clear about your wants/needs and draw up a contract so there is no “oh I didn’t know” in the future. Best case scenario, she is a little immature. I MAY have considered giving her another chance (unlikely, but if I really liked her otherwise), but all that on top of the carrying by arms….it’s probably easiest to cut your loses.

     

    Edit: I will add that I don’t believe 21 is too young. Life experience really plays in here. I started nannying at 20 years old, but being the eldest of 7 really made all the difference. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    9208 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    supertrooper0101 :  Hope you never take your hypothetical child to a daycare, because there are a lot of young women working in them.

    21 is old enough to be graduated from college. The age is not the issue here IMO. I know plenty of perfectly capable 21 year olds.

    This women is not.

    Post # 56
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    TeacherBee323 :  Sorry this might be a dumb question, but how do you correctly pick up a child then? I never knew putting your hands under their armpits to pick them up was bad? Untill what age? I understand not picking them up by their hands, even though I see people do that all of the time, but I’ve never heard of not picking them up with your hands under their armpits?

    Post # 57
    Member
    9552 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Is she watching the baby right now?

    Post # 58
    Member
    9552 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    I pick up by the trunk/body. Essentially, further down from the armpits around the rib cage. sollyb :  

    Post # 59
    Member
    680 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    At the end of the day, the person watchng your child, responsible for your child’s life and well-being when you’re away, is someone you need to trust. Can you (and your husband) honestly say you have full trust in her? Or will you always be keeping a watchful eye for fear she may slip up again?

    If you feel the need to nanny your nanny, then you’ve got the wrong one!

    Post # 60
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    slomotion :  I just saw “trunk” and “body” without reading and though “wow, that got dark fast”. Your smart-assery is getting to me 😛

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