Post # 1
Mothers worries- “I’m concerned that you’re both putting marriage ahead of career, education and individual goals which are critical to becoming fully self-actualized and that this decision may leave one or both of you reflecting on your choice with disappointment or even regret one day.”
Background we have been dating for 2.5years both have college degrees, and are looking at attending graduate school in the near future. I have be taking classes since i graduated to have a better chance at getting into grad school, have volunteer to improve my chances and wasted 500$ in application fees last year to a program I didnt get in to. I am not settleing for the job that I have now just because we just got engaged and are looking to get married Jul 2013.
I would like people comments on getting married before or after graduate school.
Post # 3
@Giggles428: I chose to do it after graduate school because I felt it was just too much work to do both at the same time. I know I could not have handled planning a wedding along with 25 page papers and presentations. I am with my FI almost 4 years and our engagement is almost 2 years because I knew I was graduating this past May.
I say wait, get done with school, then enjoy the wedding process.
Post # 4
I am getting married right smack in the middle of grad school! I really didn’t see the point in waiting until after because I knew I could handle both and I was already in grad school when we got engaged. For what it’s worth, I also currently have a full time office job
Post # 5
I do online classes and work. Luckily my job gives me lots of idle computer time, so I got engaged in October, took Spring semester off and then eased into 1 summer class and start my 2 fall courses the next week when we get back. the class this summer was a nice distraction when I go into wedding overload! something else to focus on. But, wedding planning is pretty taxing esp. if your job is stressful
Post # 6
Oh I would like to point out though that I checked my fall schedule and my midterms are the day after my wedding so I’m going to have to find a way to work around that which is something to keep in mind. Timing is very important if you plan on doing both
Post # 7
We’re getting married before we finish law school. I want to start my professional career with the same name that’s on my degree!!!
Post # 8
My husband proposed the week after I graduated from graduate school with my doctorate degree! If anything, I loved that timing because I could turn my focus to wedding planning…
Post # 9
My fiance and I are getting married right after I graduate from grad school. Techincally, we have to plan it during my last year, which means I will have to plan it while I’m doing my thesis. But, it’s definitely easier than getting married during, unless you don’t plan on anything big.
Personally, we would have been happy eloping already, but we’re having a wedding for our friends and family. It isn’t going to be big, and we want it to be simple, so I think it’s really about what you want and how much time you’ll be researching and choosing things.
Post # 10
Honestly I don’t think it matters. I had plenty of friends get married before, during, and after grad school. Just make sure if you get married during grad school that you keep your wedding far away from exam dates.
Post # 11
Your mother is speaking from a place of concern and parents generally want the best for their children, so I would take her comments very seriously.
However, you have to do what’s right for you and your fiance, and no one can tell you what’s best for you.
We are actually getting married before either of us goes to grad school. He is starting this fall, and I would have liked to start this fall but didn’t get in anywhere (I totally hear ya with the wasted application money!) But we’ve been together over 7 years and it’s time for us to be married. I just think you have to examine what you both want and how the timing of marriage will affect what you want out of life right now.
Post # 12
I’m in grad school and doing fieldwork. It’s possible!
Post # 13
I did it after grad school, but I am going to professional school this upcoming year.
Post # 14
I side with your mom, since you have a choice.
You have to take care of yourself first and in this case it means getting the best education you can get. Not just grades, but keeping your mind on the learning. Your degree will always be there and the opportunities it presents, but its possible that your husband will now always be there (g-d forbid)
Post # 15
I got married in the middle of grad school; my husband finished grad school two years ago (he went right after college, I waited a few years). We had a super-simple and tiny wedding, which was what we always wanted, so it didn’t really interfere with school.
It’s all up to what you want and what is important to you. For me, I didn’t even consider waiting until after school to get married. I knew it was right and didn’t want to postpone becoming an official family. We both also consider our family, our commitment to each other and future children, to be ultimately more important than our careers. We both felt that way even before we met each other, so it was a no brainer for us. Not everyone feels that way, so they do things differently. Whatever you decide, make sure it reflects your values and makes your life easier/better.
Another minor thing to consider: after I got married and changed my last name, I was glad I did it now, before I had really established my career, so I didn’t have too many publications in my maiden name.
Post # 16
My fiancee and I are in the same boat. We are both starting grad school in the fall 2012 and we are getting married summer 2013