Post # 1
Needing some advice.
My husbands cousin has lone custody of his 7 year old brother. Cousin wants to enlist in the national guard but since he is the only legal guardian of his little brother he wants us to have temporary custody and take care of his kid while he’s away at boot camp. (Anywhere from 3-6 months) we have no kids of our own and know nothing about taking care of a kid. Am I wrong to request some sort of payment for this? I mean we are essentially babysitting for months straight. We are the only family members who would be willing to take him in. We would definitely arrange for part of his paycheck to go to our accounts for gas (taking him to school) and food for him. But I feel we deserve to be paid a bit!! Especially since without us watching him he wouldn’t be able to enlist at all, and since this is a huge commitment for us to take on.
What do you all think?
If you think we should ask to be paid, How much would you ask for?
If not, why?
Note: We are NOT close with this cousin. He has screwed us over MANY times in serious ways and has no respect for others. But i have a big heart and feel bad for the child.
Post # 2
kpkpkpkp : No, I don’t think so. You’re essentially fostering this child, not babysitting. I do agree that it would be great if the cousin could send you some money for food/clothes/etc, but temporary custody is not anything like babysitting and isn’t something you should be paid for.
Post # 3
I’m assuming for him to have sole custody of his brother there was some sort of tragedy that caused that arrangement. It sounds like he stepped up and has been taking care of his brother and will be taking care of his brother again when he finishes boot camp. I’d take my cousin in temporarily to help an older cousin move their life forward without expecting pay. He’s not getting compensated for taking care of his brother (I’m assuming) he’s just taking care of him because you take care of family when they need it. So that’s why I wouldn’t ask for payment. If family needs help and you can help them, help with not strings or expectations. Also tbh if he’s going to boot camp he’s probably not loaded or anything. It’s possible he could work something out with the national guard to get paid extra for his dependent, it would be fine to expect that amount in support if he can make that happen. It is a huge commitment but it is temporary.
Post # 4
Temporary custody is different than babysitting. You’ll be legally responsible.
Post # 5
Foster parents get paid, usually through the government. The biological parents get hefty bills for this foster care. Payment is not the distinction between fostering and babysitting. If this guy has screwed you over before, he’ll do it again. Make sure you have a written arrangement and he’s providing for the cost of basic necessities at least.
Post # 5
Ummm, no, sorry. Providing funds for the essentials so you’re not out of pocket – absolutely. Paying you a salary? Come on. If you expect to be paid for it, you shouldn’t be doing it.
Post # 7
I get your cousin has screwed you over before, but this is a 7 year old kid with no where to go. I would preset in advance an amount each month or so for food, transport and clothing etc but I find it to be kind of crappy to be charging a fee for ‘baby sitting’. If you are going to be resentful because you’re not getting paid to watch him, its maybe better to not be looking after the child.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I wouldn’t do it. He has screwed you over many times. Can you even be sure he WILL return from basic training to take custody of the child? Are you sure he’s not going to transfer guardianship to you and then disappear into the night?
He is responsible for this child. If the parents wanted you guys to take care of him they would have stated as much. That’s not to say I don’t have sympathy for the kid, but basic training is just one avenue your cousin can take in life. Maybe he needs to put that on hold and deal with the responsibility at hand. There are exactly 2 people I would do this kind of favor for and I trust them with my life. And that is what you are offering up by taking on the legal responsibility of a minor. You are offering up your life (not in a life or death way, of course) to care for this child. Make sure you trust the person making this huge request of you to value that fact.
Post # 9
totally agree with sbl99 :
If you want a salary on top of payment to cover necessities, your heart ain’t as big as you seem to think it is. Don’t agree to this because I don’t think you are the right people to be responsible for this kid if your brain jumps quickly to wanting a salary for your time invested. I’m honestly seriously side eyeing that you would even think this way…
Post # 10
Yikes. Please do not take on caring for a child if you’re just in it for the money.
Post # 12
Why is this guy trying to sign up to go ANYWHERE for 3-6 months when he had sole custody of a child who needs STABILITY AND CONTINUITY?! It sounds like he only recently got custody because he doesn’t have a clue of what he is doing. There’s no one else who wants to take this child (except you and you feel like you’re owed babysitting fees) and yet he’s still just planning to go on and go.
This is the kind of person whose kids get targeted by predators because their guardians aren’t paying fucking attention to where they leave their children and with whom.
And this guy has “screwed you over” many times but now you’re considering watching a whole ass child for him? Also, isn’t bootcamp a precursor to a larger, longer commitment? Where the fuck does he expect his child to be while he’s away in the future? It sounds like dude needs to find another career path. He’s essentially a single father, now, he doesn’t get to fucking JAUNT.
You all just sound terrible. That poor kid.
Post # 13
If you truely have a big heart and it is about the child you wouldn’t ask for payment. Cousin is trying to better his life for him and his little brother, who obviously has been through a lot since he is seven and his brother has sole custody.
No matter what cousin did in the past he has stepped up and is now responsible for his brother, he didn’t have to do this but he did and is trying to make a better life for the both of them. Joining the National Guard isn’t a vacation or running away it’s basic training and the future time commitment is only one weekend a month.
This isn’t babysitting, asking to be paid is wrong. This poor kid isn’t a paycheck and it’s horrible to take advantage of the situation and a cousin who has no other options and is now parenting his brother.
No ones getting rich joining the National Guard and if your heart really is in it for the kid, you’d want cousin to keep what little money he gets to better his and the child’s life not pay you.
This poor kid. I feel for this cousin if you are his best option. A child shouldnt be left with people who view them as a paycheck.
Post # 14
Covering costs make sense, but anything more is out of line. This is family, not a part time gig for cash on the side. Do it because you care, or don’t offer at all.
Post # 15
I do think you shouldn’t do it if you think of asking to be paid. Yes it huge responsibility. Do you even like the kid?