Post # 46
SVandy60918 : I feel like taking on the whole responsibility for a young sibling is something that I would do if it needed to be done but I’d probably bemoan my situation sometimes when things were getting overwhelming.
That’s a really good point. I know someone in a similar situation who took in a young family member when he had nowhere else to go. She’s a good person and she’s doing a very kind thing for him, but that doesn’t mean she always loves it and never complains about it, and she certainly would have preferred for things to shake out differently. It would be pretty shitty of me to sit and judge her for complaining about her sacrifice when she’s the one actually doing the work and I’m not.
OP, if you really think there’s a chance the cousin won’t come back for his brother, and you are not prepared to keep him in that event, you need to decline the request now. As hard as the alternative would be now, if the cousin doesn’t return you would just be delaying the inevitable and then the kid gets punted twice.
But I don’t think you should assume the cousin wouldn’t come back based ONLY on once or twice commenting that he never asked for this (I am not saying that IS all you’re basing it on, only you know the circumstances here).
What does your husband want to do?
Post # 47
Poor kid. All the stability and love in his life will be gone with his brother away and his parents gone. He has been through a lot in his brief life. He needs care and nuturing. My goodness, he’s only seven. He needs people who want him and will listen to him, be there for him and show him a little love and kindness. This child does not need to feel like he is a burden.
Post # 48
This is a very child-friendly site. You say we are being rude but really we are being brutally honest with how you came off in your original post. Hell the whole post was very “we needs to get paid” not “we need help, we don’t know what to do” How did you THINK you would be perceived?
Your mention several times of how your DH’s cousin has screwed you over screams resentment towards that individual…… which is IRRELEVANT to the issue of your agreeing taking care of this child who has done NOTHING to you and is in a real effed up state right now.
The very fact that you mentioned it more than once, makes us all wonder if that resentment won’t bleed over into your treatment of the child, especially when your home environment changes and you can’t behave as you’re used to as one of the pp’s pointed out. If your finances are already tight that will make things much worse.
Is this cousin currently financially able to take care of this child or is he getting some help from the state? If not, why aren’t you three working together to see if something can be worked out with the state to get extra financial help? You’re taking on this child with seemingly no preparation either financially or mentally and it WILL show towards this kid.
I do understand that it’s very possible that the cousing will attempt to paw this child onto you permanently in the very near future since he doesn’t appear to want this responsibility but you all are apparently all this kid’s got. So my suggestion is sit down with a family lawyer and work through all entanglements to find out what can be done to get you the support that you need. Then parenting classes, parenting classes and dare I say it? Parenting Classes!