Post # 1
We invited a friend and her boyfriend to our wedding, and didn’t get a gift or card. No problem, I was just happy they made it and I even sent them a Thank You card thanking them for coming to our wedding.
Fast forward to now, the same friend is getting married. We were talking about wedding stuff, and how her and her fiance are hoping to get cash gifts because they have too much “stuff” already. While we were talking, she then brought up how they didn’t get us anything for our wedding, saying “Sorry, I totally forgot to get a card.” Did she just remember this now? I mean, even if she forgot – she could’ve mailed a card after the wedding? Not that I expect something almost 3 years later or anything, but she’s the type of person who sends Christmas cards every year, so I find it hard to believe the she claims that she “forgot” to get us a card.
Anyway, I know, I know, “gifts aren’t required”, but my question is… I dont really know how to feel about giving them cash for their wedding gift. Another one of my friends said we shouldn’t give them anything since they didn’t give us anything. She says “Why should they expect something from you when they didn’t even get you anything?” But to me that doesn’t seem right, and I feel that I should give them “something”. I don’t know. What would you do in this situation?
This topic was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by .
Post # 2
Happy Donut: If I were in that situation, I wouldn’t hold it against the friend and not give her a gift for her wedding just because she didn’t get you one for yours. It shouldn’t be ‘an eye for an eye’ IMO. If you don’t feel right giving them a cash gift, then pick out something you think they would find useful.
Post # 3
emstar168: +1<br /><br />Send them a gift and don’t play tit for tat.
Post # 4
Two wrongs don’t make a right! Her bad behavior would not excuse yours. But I might take it into account when choosing an amount to gift…
Post # 5
You don’t give gifts to receive gifts… I would give them the normal amount of cash that I usually give other friends for their wedding.
Post # 6
A gift is based on the closeness of the relationship as well as ability to afford. It’s possible that she was really broke at the time. No need to go overboard on a gift, though, and it might even embarrass her if you did. If I were her, and this had weighed on my mind, I would have sent an anniversary or housewarming gift.
Post # 7
I would get something small, like a $30 wedding picture frame, that way it’s “something” but not exactly nothing.
Post # 8
I would give them a gift. This is obviously weighing on your mind, so I wouldn’t get anything great. Maybe some cash in a card or pick something small off the registry. I will admit that I’d think the same thing like ugh…but I couldn’t go through with not getting them something. I think you should.
Post # 9
I was just married about 6 m ago and I have people that I am in this situation with too….. the non-gift giver has brought it up at least once to say “oh! I am so terrible I never got you a gift” but nothing has come of it… her wedding is going to be pretty expensive for us (friday wedding so missing work, flying home, hotel, cabs around city, etc) which is making me even less generous. I did give her a really nice shower gift (happened to be home for another reason so I sort of had to go since I was in town)
Post # 10
I think it’s rude to attend a wedding and not give a gift. I would still give a monetary gift with a card if I attended this wedding. Two wrongs certainly don’t make a right.
Post # 11
I’d still gift them but I might go less than I would otherwise.
Post # 12
I would give a card. As petty as it is I wouldn’t gift her cash. Actually I just wouldn’t attend her wedding. Omg that’s awful. I sound like a snot.
Post # 13
it is a little off putting that she suddenly remembered she didn’t get you anything 3 years later after she was talking about how she wants cash for hers. i’d do a little gift like someone else mentioned, like a picture frame.
Post # 14
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Get them a gift. If anything it will make them feel bad/worse for not extending the same curtousey.
Post # 15
We had this same situation happen to us. We decided to just give less than we would normally. Then we never received a thank you. Honestly, in hindsight I wouldn’t have given them anything. Call me rude, but really that way its even.