- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Either she doesn’t consider you guys very close or she was broke (or a third option that she just doesn’t give gifts). A card from the dollar store wouldn’t have broken the bank though so I see no reason she couldn’t have at least done that. It’s a wedding – how do you forget a card but remember to show up?
It doesn’t sit right with me that she acknowledged she did nothing for you and then hints that she wants cash from her guests. Really? Have people no shame? What about tact? Friendships are a two way street, not one person taking advantage of the other.
Like a lot of brides, she’s obsessed with her gifts and hoping her wedding will be a big pay day. The fact that she was even discussing her hope for cash gifts with you, an invited guest, is pretty gross.
I personally think you should get her a VERY small, token gift. In your shoes, I would absolutely NOT give her a big or any check. Forget your conversation with her about not wanting stuff and find something inexpensive from her registry if she has one or something you know they need or would enjoy. Frame their wedding invitation or something.
You could, of course, elect to give nothing but I think it will be fairly obvious why and from her remarks I think she’s the type who will very hypocritically be angry with you. You could of course give them a sweet card with warm wishes and no check.
She did NOT forget to get you a card. She knows she was terribly rude not to give you a gift (she may have had a valid excuse, but chose to lie about it instead) and she has up to a year after the wedding to give you a gift.
Personally, I would probably give her a card and a check for a very small amount that wouldn’t hurt me to part with (I’m thinking $25-50, because where I’m from we give usually a minimum of $200 per couple for a wedding) and see if she cashes it (I’m sure she will). I’m not sure I could show up to the wedding entirely empty-handed. That is beyond rude.
Also, I believe that the tradition for giving gifts at weddings started because the community as a whole would give the young couple things/money to start their lives and it would rotate like that so everytime someone got married, they got some sort of help to start off and you would also help others. Since she didn’t “help” you, I’m not sure why you should be obligated to “help” her – but really, this is a personal choice. I don’t thinkt he friendship will be ruined (more than it is, if it is already) no matter what you choose.
i’d probably just give them a smaller gift.
she didn’t forget to give you a gift or a card. the only reason she’s bringing it up now is because her wedding is coming up.
I would give them a gift, just because I would feel guilty showing up empty handed at a wedding. I get why you would want to opt out, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Perhaps you could get them a nice photo frame or something generic (with a gift receipt so they could exchange for store credit) if you don’t want to give cash. We had a wedding similar to this lately and bought a bunch of stuff from the registry instead of giving cash.
I would get them something small – like a gift card to the movie theater that is enough for 2 tickets, a drink, and a popcorn. Thoughtful, cheap, useful to pretty much everybody.
I’d give them a small non cash gift…
I think you should give them whatever you want to give them regardless of what they gave you. There may be more than what she’s telling you, obviously it meant a lot to you that you came to their wedding, I’m sure it means a lot to her that you’re going. I don’t think it’s right to show up empty handed, but if you feel weird giving them cash, give them a gift with a gift receipt enclosed.
I would definitely get her a card, but I probably wouldn’t get a gift. That’s really petty, but I prefer to give physical gifts instead of cash anyways. When she apologized to you, she only apologized for not getting a card, so it doesn’t seem like she sees gifts as a necessary wedding thing. Maybe you could include a gift card to a restaurant they like!
I would give a small gift in this case.
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