(Closed) Should we have a wedding? Super long post!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
5165 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

dizzybee130:  Honestly, I vote small wedding at the courthouse. The cost of weddings is rediculous and not worth it in my opinion unless you really have that money to spare. I, personally, could never see myself spending $20,000 on one party when I have so many things that that money could be better used for like a downpayment or paying off loans, etc. I know a lot of people don’t agree with me though, so it’s really up to you how much one big party means to you.

Post # 3
719 posts
Busy bee

Do you want a ‘real wedding’?  In my opinion, that’s the question here. 

Student loans will get paid and a house isn’t a good investment item anyway, contrary to ingrained logic.  People want newer, better, bigger houses, not your old house and so a house is really a consumption item, just like a wedding.  You buy it because you want it.

So the quesiton is, do you want the ‘real wedding’ or not?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  jamb.
Post # 4
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

What do YOU want? You sound very indifferent about it all. Almost toward just going to the courthouse and being done with it. Let the mothers plan what they may after the fact. 

If your mom wants a “real wedding” then she needs to pay for it all. Clearly the IL’s won’t be able to help there. 

It is a lot of money and there are tons of extra items that initially aren’t thought of. Even I wanted just a $10,000 limit and it has quickly escalated to over $20,000. I’m not saying it’s not doable though. 

It all stems to what is most important to you. Do you want a wedding? Do you want photographs? You mentioned close family and friends but 80 is still a lot. Only you can prioritize what you and your Fiance truly want and feel what is the right thing to do. 

Post # 5
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you truly want a wedding, go ahead and have a smaller one that you can afford.

You will regret it if you do not.

If a wedding is not that important to you, why not get married a beach and then have a great honeymoon? 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by  amiona.
Post # 6
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I considered destination wedding b/c NYC is ridiculously expensive. It was a nice option 🙂 since many people would need to travel anyway maybe it would work for you? It could even be destination within the country – like to wine country or something. I ultimately did get married in my city because I didn’t want to ask my guests to travel. I will never ever regret our wedding day even though it set us back 2 yrs on the house hunt. We reasoned it like this – housing is very practical but we equally value celebrating life’s big moments so waiting two years and getting both worked for us

Post # 7
46983 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

dizzybee130:  Only the two of you can decide what is right for you. Just because a small ceremony was perfect for bride and groom A, doesn’t mean it’s the correct choice for bride and groom B.

One thing to keep in mind. If your parents say they are wiling to give $15,000 towards the wedding costs, doesn’t necessarily mean they will hand that same amount over to you to buy a house. The wedding may be important to them so they are willing to spend $$$ for it.

Post # 8
7687 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

dizzybee130:  You’ve kind of said what you don’t want, but what is it that you do want? What are your 3 top priorities for your wedding?

Post # 9
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You shouildn’t spend the money if you cannot afford it. It’s simple. There is nothing wrong with a small wedding, heck even a courthous and going out to dinner is better than setting up future issues for you both because you threw your money into a big wdding. The point is to have fun, enjoy the day and say I do to you Fiance, nothing else matters past that.

Post # 10
714 posts
Busy bee

dizzybee130:  we went through this too and settled on a small intimate wedding of 28 ppl. I still wanted a wedding day but cutting down on numbers meant we could splurge on other things I got an expensive dress and wedding ring. We picked a gorgeous 5 star venue I’m having music throughout the day. Flowers hair and make up a great photographer. All the things I didn’t want to skimp on. It will cost us around $10k total. Still a lot of money but we haven’t skimped on anything for our 28 guests. We can afford the $10k. We could afford $20k plus but we really didn’t want to save for 2 years and waste that much money. We are only having 7 months between booking out wedding and the wedding so we’re saving hard and then we’ll be free again. We already own a home. I think as a Pp said it does really come down to what you can afford. There is no way we wanted to take money from our parents even though they offered. They are retired now wheras we are working. I’ve seen ppl go into debt for what at the end of the day is just 1 day

Post # 11
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

if i could go back i would do just that and NOT spend $35,000 on one freaking day. 

It depends on the person though. I did it because Darling Husband wanted it. If he would have agreed with me i would have had a small wedding and a BBQ. 

Post # 12
178 posts
Blushing bee

dizzybee130:  Our wedding is small, about 52 people. Even with a small wedding it can be stressful, because you naturally worry when you have guests. Like I get stressed if I have people over for a small dinner party. 

Sit down and write down everything you want. If you want it to be a small party, maybe find someone who has a backyard big enough for 20-30 guests and just have a relaxed BBQ type of thing. 

If I could go back to day one, I would just have a wedding party of 2 people (having bridesmaids causes its own set of stress unfortunately) and just have something in my Future Mother-In-Law back yard like I had thought I’d do years ago. 

Or I would’ve gone with Plan B, which was to travel somewhere and elope and just hire a super awesome photographer. 

I don’t think it’s necessary to spend $20,000 we definitely aren’t.

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