(Closed) Should we have FILs names on invites???

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Include FI parents on invites?
    Yes : (15 votes)
    28 %
    No : (36 votes)
    68 %
    other? : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    Traditionally, only the hosts are listed, so that would be your parents. The groom’s parents are often included either to show that they are contributing or because you worry guests on his side won’t recognize his name (and therefore whose wedding they are invited to) without the parents listed.

    Post # 4
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I say, to keep the peace either everyone or no one. I understand you want to honor your parents, but maybe there is another way of doing that vs the invites.

    Post # 5
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I say stick with tradition!  If only the hosts get listed, only list the hosts. This is one time where etiquette is on your side.

    Post # 6
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My in laws were the same way, uninvolved financially and supportively and they too live extremely comfortably. Towards the end they would offer to pay for certain things, rehearsal dinner, “anything we needed help with” but when it came to it we got no help. Which is what I expected anyway so we had already budgeted accordingly to what WE could afford.

    I was like you, I didn’t want to put their names on the invite and just my parents since my parents did help emotionally and financially and why should his parents get any credit. Well my mom got mad at me for this. She said it would be rude of us and it wouldn’t do me any good if I made my in laws look bad (even if they deserved it). My Fiance was like yours, he didn’t care either way since he didn’t get what it meant if you put their names on or not and he didn’t think his parents’ knew or cared either. In the end we put both our parents on there….what I kept telling myself was: even though they might not have been supportive of the wedding in any way, the very least they did ….was make my husband 🙂 

    Post # 7
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @yellowshoe:  I agree with you.  I really think that you should just put them on the invite.  It may be that one small thing that opens the door for you with them that you might be suprised about.   My Mother-In-Law wa not at all involved in planning and could not afford to put anything in while my parents were very helpful where they could be and jumped in at the last second to really save our wedding, but we still put MILs name on the invites and his whole family noticed that.  They all mentioned it to me how sweet it was that I put her name on there and called attention to her in that way and even though she would never say so to me, I know that she loved it or they would not have mentioned it.

    Post # 8
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Could you just put it as

    MOB & FOB invite you to the wedding of their daughter



    FI’s name

    son of Future Father-In-Law &FMIL

    Post # 9
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Not putting them on the invites seems kind of petty on your part. Just be nice and put them on, it will save potential drama you don’t need.

    Post # 10
    827 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We are not including FIL’s names on our invites. Not that they haven’t been supportive and great, because they have, but because my parents are paying for it all and from the ‘etiquette’ research I’ve done on invite wording, I think it’s appropriate. My parent’s names were not included on my brothers’ invites and as far as I know they didn’t feel slighted- I think it ‘s just traditional. My FIL’s  are paying for the rehearsal and their names will be on that invite. That being said, I’d go with whatever you feel best about. If you don’t want to- you’re safe because of etiquette. If you decide to include their names- great! One last thing- one of my SIL’s has told me she has regretted not including my parent’s names on the invites. However, she is close with my parents and that could make a difference in a decision.

    Post # 11
    1092 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Can you just do “together with their parents” or something like that? It’s technically correct, since you and Fiance are also hosting, and it doesn’t explicitly exclude anyone.

    Post # 12
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @j_jaye:  This is exactly how we worded our invites.  My parents are paying for most of it, but Future In-Laws are listed later on as parents of the groom.  Worked out well for us.  Its just showing that they are the grooms parents and doesn’t imply that they are hosts or have contributed financially.

    Post # 13
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    They’re not hosting, so you don’t have to include them.

    Post # 14
    188 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @j_jaye:  I think that’s probably the best way to word it. It shows who’s hosting and who’s not.

    I would be inclined to leave their name off, but for the sake of avoiding unnecessary drama put it on there.

    Post # 15
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Generally you can put your Fiance, son of blah blah blah.

    Sorry they suck.

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