Post # 1
My fiance’s aunt has been trying to make decisions throughout the planning process. To name a few, she tried to tell us who should be in our wedding party, she wanted her two daughters, who are 10 and 13, to be in the wedding or get ready with me and all of my bridesmaids on the wedding day (we aren’t even having kids that young at our wedding but made an exception to have them there because we know it meant a lot to her), and she felt that she should be invited to the rehearsal dinner even though she isn’t in the wedding.
Basically, she had a vision for what she wanted our wedding to be and isn’t respecting how we want our day. She’s not respecting that we had to make certain “rules” since our wedding is so big. Because of this, she’s refusing to come to my bridal shower to prove a point. I think this is ridiculous and honestly want nothing to do with her now. She has stopped all contact with my fiancé and I and doesn’t have the decency to RSVP to the shower.
My parents are paying a lot of money for our wedding, and a part of me doesn’t think we should invite her anymore. I understand she’s family, but she’s willingly burned the bridge because she didn’t get her way. She and my fiancé had a very close relationship at one point, but even he is done with her after all of this has happened. I don’t want to cause drama, but this is the biggest day of our life and I don’t need someone being there who isn’t fully supportive of us. Any other ideas on how to handle this? She refuses to reach out to us and I don’t think it’s on us to be the ones to reach out to her – we already have too much going on with our wedding day approaching.
Post # 2
Yes, you should invite her. She is family. She seemed to be really interested in helping your wedding and, yes, maybe she overstepped her bounds, but now she’s clearly really hurt with how things turned out.
If it were me, I’d be the bigger person and reach out to her now. I would also send her an invitation to the wedding and genuinely hope that she would attend.
Post # 4
You should invite her. Don’t stoop to her level of pettiness.
Post # 5
How do FI’s parents feel about her being invited? If the family connection and the history is quite important to the in laws, I’d be the bigger person and let her look like the one throwing a tantrum.
Post # 6
I’d still invite her to the wedding, yes she’s overstepped boundaries and is having an tantrum, but she doesn’t seem to have done something horrible enough to warrant not being invited. But what really matters is if fi wants to invite her.
Just know that she’s still family and not inviting her will probably cause a lot of family drama. Plus, if fi was close to her, he’ll probably be bummed that she missed his wedding because of a conflict with you.
Post # 7
Still invite her. But maybe ask Fiance to speak with his parents. Maybe the brother/sister can get her to mind her own business
Post # 8
caparker : consider it a blessing that she isn’t responding to you and being an ass. Let her be an ass. Do not get on her level. Do not engage. And don’t uninvite her. Yes, she’s being a petty a&&hole but that doesn’t mean you have to be a petty a**hole too.
Good luck to you!
Post # 9
I think you should invite her. It seems like it will mean a lot to her daughters if they are there. Give her time and hopefully she will come to the shower. As others bees have mentioned, maybe he can have his parents speak to her.
We didn’t invite one of DHs aunt to our wedding because of drama with my Mother-In-Law. I really regretted it. Because she wasn’t invited, his cousin (her daughter) didn’t come either. And now, almost a year later his aunt still isn’t speaking to him. In my opinion it wasn’t worth it.
Post # 10
caparker : She is his aunt. Although that’s close family, it’s not like her role is typically involved in the wedding itself like the his mom would be. Treat her like you would any other guest. Invite her to the wedding, but she doesn’t get a say in ANY of the planning because she is a GUEST not a HOST. It’s up to her to decide if she wants to come or not. If she doesn’t, no sweat. If she does, again, treat her like your other guests. Make sure you greet her and thank her for coming but continue doing your thing your way.
The exception to this would be cases where the aunt has been somewhat of a maternal figure for him growing up, in which case you could either treat her as a mother of the groom (if mom isn’t in the picutre) or use recommendations for incorporating stepmothers into the wedding as inspiration.
Post # 11
I am curious about these rules.
Post # 12
From your post I thought she had already been invited? I would not uninvite her based on what you have shared. But I also would absolutely not give in to her demands. Depending on what the other incidents and rules are that you mention (but you have have not told us details of) I could change my mind.
I have close friends with family members who cannot be in their lives due to their dangerous actions. So I agree that being family is not always enough to maintain a relationship.
Is there a reason she is behaving like this? Is this how she always is with everything? Did she help raise FI? I guess I would suggest following your FI’s lead on this. You say he is pretty done with her? What does he want? If she has hurt him badly enough that he no longer wants her at the wedding then it must have been pretty bad. Equally if he wants to have her at the wedding but keep more distance in the relationship going forward then that seems reasonable too.
Post # 14
zl27 : Normal things that other couples I know have done – no kids at the wedding, only people directly invovled are invited to the rehearsal dinner (and out of town guests are invited to meet us out after dinner) – so I probably worded that incorreclty. I just expected her to act like a normal wedding guest and not try and dictate our day when she’s not hosting in any way.
Post # 15
avprobeauty : you’re so right. I kind of knew not inviting her wasn’t an option. It’s just a very awkward situation and I’m hoping she doesn’t cause any issues on the day of. Fingers crossed!