(Closed) Should we invite his step-mother to the wedding???

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

How close is your Fiance to his father? 

I think it would be best for all involved to invite her, both as gesture of goodwill and to keep the peace, but it’s your decision.  Keep in mind, though, that not inviting her will almost certianly lead to a fair amount of drama, and your FI’s father deciding not to attend.

Post # 4
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand where he’s coming from but a married couple is a married couple and should be invited as such. You’d be upset if FH was invited to a wedding without you. I think its just in the best interest of keeping family unity to just go ahead and invite her.

Post # 5
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If step-mom and dad are still married, unfortunately, yes – invite her.

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Regrettably yes. Why doesn’t he want her there?

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have to agree that you should invite his step-mom. Can we ask why he’s not such a fan of her? Did something happen with his mom and dad that involved her? How will his mom feel about her being invited?

Post # 8
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It ettiquette books say you have to invite her.  I have a situation with one of my parent’s SO and wish I didn’t have to but it’s about respecting your parents and their situation.  Sometimes having a heart to heart with the parent about the step parent (as far as weddig expectations go for the day of) will help alleviate stress.  Things like where will everyone sit to minimize conflict….

Post # 9
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Like a lot of these situations, he can choose not to invite, IF he is willing to cause major harm to his relationship with her and his father. If that is an acceptable turn of events, feel free not to invite her.

Post # 10
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with the poster above.  If he feels very strongly about not inviting her, he doesn’t have to, but just be prepared to accept tha fall-out.

Post # 11
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well if he strongly dislikes her than you both do not have to invite her, but that might mean that his father will not come either.

Post # 13
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am in the same boat… my biological fathers wife is the DEVIL!!!!!

I do not want to invite her but it is a totatl faux pas if I dont.  I dont think she will have the guts to show up to my wedding.  I may also tell my dad that it is probably better if she does not come.

My dads sisters will be at my wedding so he will have someone to sit with.

My step dad which is my “dad” who I love more than anything will be doing all the father duties at my wedding.

Post # 14
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I agree with everyone else – it’s his choice whether or not he invites her, but if he chooses not to he should be prepared for some drama with his dad.

Post # 15
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We have the same sort of relationship with FI’s stepmom. We don’t love her, but we have to deal with her. She may not be our favourite person, but she’s been really supportive of us so I’m giving her credit where it’s due. To keep her out of our hair, we’re giving her an “important job” for the day. This will keep her out of the way, but at the same time make her feel like she’s contributing to our day.

If you don’t invite her, your FI’s dad will be really hurt and I don’t think it’s worth risking their relationship (or relationship for your kids if you plan on having some down the road) over one night. Try explaining it to you Fiance that really, he only has to talk to her for probably 10 minutes over the course of the day since you’ll be mingling with the other guests. You could even get a friend to act as a wingman, if they see Fiance cornered by his stepmother they could interrupt and say he’s needed somewhere or whisk stepmom away to show her some really amazing detail she just HAS to see 😉

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