Post # 1
Hi Bees, could really use your opinions on a delimma I’ve got at the moment. My mum really wants her best friend at our wedding (which I understand), but both me and FI really don’t like her… Initially I told mum that her friend definitely wasn’t invited and a few hours later she rung me crying begging me to reconsider. She thinks it will put a strain on their friendship and make it very awkward. Mum’s friend automatically assumes she will be invited to our wedding and talks about it often (according to mum). Mum attended her daughter’s wedding so I guess she expects the same.
Some background on why I dislike her:
The main reason is I don’t like the way she treats my mother. After mum and dad seperated about 6 years ago she told her that she should of never married my dad… ummm what?! you told my mum that the last 25 years of her life shouldn’t of happened? including me and my brother? A couple of years ago she then told her that the reason she couldn’t find a man was because her furniture was outdated… so mum bought new furniture! (and found a man but I’m fairly certain that was just a coincidence lol). She will also text mum things like “I’m having such a wonderful day doing this and that etc” but never asks how mum is doing. There have been more situations that have made me say to mum “WTF? Why are you friends with this woman?” but thats all I can think of specifically at the moment.
She is sooo up herself. Her life is perfect according to her. She is one of those people that looks down on everyone else. She constantly brags about her perfect life and her perfect children (which they definitely aren’t). The way she does it is like she is trying to rub in everyone’s face “My life is sooo much better than yours”.
She is rude. As you can tell by the things she has said to my mother, this woman is RUDE. Also, one day when I was still living at home, she turns up banging on the door and when mum opens the door the first thing she said before even saying hello was “Tell Janelle to get rid of her disgusting smoke butts at the front door!”. If mum had a problem with it she would of told me herself. How rude to come to someone’s house and pretty much say the front of their house looks disgusting. FWIW the smoke butts were in a jar beside the steps…
The final thing that made me decide that she most certainly won’t be invited to the wedding was at my brother’s engagement party. He was doing a speech and the entire time she was in my ear telling me about how wonderful her daughter’s wedding was going to be. That’s fine that she wanted to tell me about it but not during a speech at someone’s engagement party! It made me think that if she were invited, while I walk down the aisle she would be whispering to the person next to her telling them how beautiful her daughter looked at her wedding.
Part of me wants to invite her just to avoid drama and to keep my mother happy but FI is adamant that she can’t come to our wedding.
What would you do? Invite her or not?
Post # 2
Janelle123: I would invite her. She is your Mom’s friend and your Mom wants her there so it really doesn’t matter much if you don’t like her. I’ll bet that you have friends that your mother doesn’t like.
In the grand scheme of things, one person more or less will make no difference to you or your FI. You will have plenty of other people to occupy your time.
Post # 3
You probably won’t even notice that she’s there, this probably isn’t a battle I would fight.
Post # 4
If it were me, I would probably invite her.
In the grand scheme of things, you probably won’t even notice her there. But you likely will notice how upset your mother is for the weeks leading up to your wedding, as well as the day of.
Not inviting her would cause too much unneccessary drama- dont use this invitation to send a message to your mom about which friends of hers you like.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
For me it would depend on how big your wedding is. If it’s a small 20-person one, I’d say no and explain that it’s only extremely close family to the B/G. If it’s a large 100+ person one, I’d say yes. I had a 100-person one and there were people I obligate-invited, and the most conversation I had with them was “congrats!”/”you look pretty” followed by my “thank you!” just because there were SO many people to talk to, you don’t remember much.
Post # 6
aggie2010: Our wedding will be small (about 40-50 people) which makes this decision harder.
Post # 7
The bff is not wanting to come to support you, but rather share in an important day in your mom’s life. I understand not liking your parent’s friends and wishing they would just go away. Sounds like this friend is not trying to push her way into your good graces, so make your mom happy and invite her. Carve some alone time for just you and your mom on your day. After that make peace that the woman is there and your mom may be a bit occupied with her.
Post # 8
This best friend is a piece of work! However, I do think you ought to invite her because she is your mom’s friend. Ignore any of her nasty behavior and remember that with inviting her, that makes you the bigger person. If the wedding is small and you would rather it just be family and just a few of your friends, explain this to your mother.
Post # 9
No. Have people there that make you happy and support you.
Post # 10
No way! Your mom may consider her a friend, but she’s a horrible person.
Post # 11
If mom wants her there, you should invite her. Also, is your mom helping to pay for the wedding? She should be able to invite her best friend if so.
Post # 12
Janelle123: My mother also has one of those friends who I cannot for the life of me figure out why she continues to be friends with. I didn’t invite her to my wedding, she got over it and so has my mother.
Post # 13
julesbeeb: Mum is putting $5k towards our wedding, Dad $10k and FI and I are paying the rest (about $5-$10k). FI has said that he would rather do without her contribution than have that woman at our wedding.
If I do decide that its best to just give in and invite her, does anyone have any ideas on how I can convince FI?
Post # 14
Janelle123: I am actually in a similar position so I feel your pain. My mom has a “friend” she wants to invite and my Dad (divorced from my mom) CANNOT stand her. I think she testified against him when my parents went to court over my custody. In any case, my mom made it clear she really wanted to invite her and other than family, she only was inviting one other friend. It actually made me a little sad when I stepped back and thought about it…she only wants to invite 2 couples? In any case, I think it will go a long way in making your mom happy and not creating drama in her friendship.
As for FI, I think you have to just sit him down and explain how it is important to your mom and therefore important to you. She is an adult and if she wants to be friends with this person and she really wants her at the wedding, I think you guys can basicaly ignore her “friend” come the day of the wedding. It’s not the easiest situation but hopefully he sees your POV. Good luck!
Post # 15
Janelle123: If I do decide that its best to just give in and invite her, does anyone have any ideas on how I can convince FI?
<div style=”overflow: hidden; color: #000000; background-color: #ffffff; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;”>Perhaps because it will make his FMIL happy and she will be his MIL for a long time?<br /><br /></div>