(Closed) Should we invite relatives that don't respond to requests for addresses?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we invite relatives that don't respond to requests for addresses?
    Hell No - they are RUDE : (32 votes)
    24 %
    Yes - track them down until you get the address : (27 votes)
    20 %
    try to reach them once more, if they don't respond, they are not invited : (74 votes)
    56 %
    pretend their STD and invitation got lost in the mail : (0 votes)
  • Post # 62
    11231 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @rickhurst35:  See, the beautiful thing about etiquette is that, at its heart, all it means is that you should be following the social norms in your circle. The OP messaged cousins on Facebook because that’s how they communicate, ergo, OP was following etiquette. Etiquette doesn’t have a set of rules, but rather, the “rules” are set by those to whom you are closest.

    OP, this happened to us, too. One of them was a cousin we knew wouldn’t be able to make it, but wanted to send her something anyway. Darling Husband messaged her on Facebook, she read it and never responded. I messaged her, she read it and never responded. I messaged her AGAIN, and she finally responded after a week. Then we lost her address (how it got deleted from our spreadsheet, I’ll never know), and it took more messages AND getting in touch with that cousin’s brother to ask him to get ahold of her for us. I don’t even think she gave us her address–her brother did. I feel your pain.

    Post # 63
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I wouldn’t invite them honestly. If they come back wondering why they weren’t invited i would say, well I asked for your address and you didn’t give it to me, so I assumed you weren’t interested in coming! And it isn’t rude at all to ask for addresses over Facebook. 

    Post # 64
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    “We haven’t seen any of these people in years”- I wouldn’t bother with them. You’ve requested their address twice, and they haven’t responded. Your mom’s friends who *want* to be there would make much nicer wedding guests.


    Post # 65
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Uhm, first of all there’s nothing “tacky” about asking for an address on Facebook. Tacky would be inviting them over Facebook. It’s 2013 – some of us have been using technology to communicate in ways other than the phone for most of our lives, get over it. Asking for an address has nothing to do with proper etiquette…what if I wanted an address to send a Christmas card? Does etiquette dictate I must call and get their address for that?

    Anyway, OP – rude of them to not reply, especially when you can see they read it or when they reply to your Fiance, but ignore you.

    I would advise as others have suggested at this point; maybe skip the STD and just send them an invite when you get to the stage. If they don’t reply, speak with your Future In-Laws and see if they can help out.

    Post # 66
    111 posts
    Blushing bee

    [content moderated for personal attack]


    @anon1234:  Sorry that you’re going through this! Darling Husband and I went through the same thing and we eventually just gave up. We started getting a slew of replies when they realized that we weren’t going to chase them and they saw everyone else excitedly receiving theirs in the mail. maybe it is going to take the same for you.


    Post # 67
    1010 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for addresses via FB, however I will admit that I have a terrible habit of checking my FB messages on my phone, planning on replying to them as soon as I get to a computer, and then completely forgetting to do so.  I haven’t read the entire thread, so there could well be other reasons why you think these people would be purposefully rude, however I would be tempted to give them the benefit of the doubt if the primary issue is that they haven’t replied on FB.

    Post # 69
    1669 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    @anon1234:  Have you tried asking the parents of those cousins? I’m sure someone has their addresses 🙂 I think it is up to you if you want to invite them at this point. I would personally leave room until you send out the invites for those cousins in case they do send you their addresses. I think that asking by Facebook is just fine. That is how I get some of the addresses from friends for other things.

    Post # 70
    11 posts

    @inspiration86:  the OP has stated, multiple times, that the only way they have to contact these cousins is through FB.  they don’t have their phone numbers. 

    Post # 71
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @justhangingaround:  yeah whatever then ask them for thei phone number!! Lets nt make it too difficult.

    Post # 72
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013




    The OP has stated that the family members are not responding with their addresses.  Your “let’s not make it difficult” solution is to ask them for their phone numbers? 

    If they are not responding with their addresses, it is *highly unlikely* they will respond with their phone numbers.  






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