Post # 1
Our families have completely gone insane during the process of our planning our wedding.
His parents now refuse to come because his aunt is boycotting the wedding as she is mad we are having it up north (where I am from) rather than in the south.
My sisters are mad at my parents and refuse to come for that reason.
His grandparents refuse to come because they are divorced and don’t want to see each other.
I’m starting to think that having a wedding with family and friends is just turning into one huge disaster.
I don’t even like talking about the wedding because everyone is fighting and it’s making me sad.
I’m so excited to be married, but the idea of facing all of this drama on our wedding day is literally giving me stomachaches and migraines.
So, do you think we should just elope? We already have a wedding party and I feel weird letting them down.
Post # 3
I would elope if basically all your family is acting stupid and not wanting to come just because they are mad at each other. I don’t think that your BMs will hate you for not having a wedding in all that drama.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re dealing with such drama. That really sucks. I would turn it into an elopement/destination wedding and just invite your bridal party – I bet if you said “Hey guys, Vegas trip for our wedding?” they’d be into it!
Post # 5
I’m so sorry you are dealing with that, that is not what a wedding is supposed to be. I would elope if I was in your situation. They are ruining what is meant to be one of the best time of your life. I would say either tell your family that if they dont all come together then you are doing it without them. Or just dont even say anything and go do it. Its not fair of them to take away from this amazing time for you.
Post # 6
@brideatbeach: Lol! I’m sorry to laugh, I’m not laughing at you, but I couldn’t help it because I’ve got pretty much the same issue. I have finally reached the point where I’m like “F*** it, it’s my wedding and I’m going to have a good time. Come and behave yourself or stay home and pout, I don’t give a shit”. I think if you WANT to have a wedding, then have one. If you’d RATHER elope, then go ahead, but if you’ve got your heart set on a wedding, don’t let your family ruin it.
To be completely honest, I bet most of them are just saying that crap because they think you’ll change your plans to suit them. I guarantee that most of them will show up in the end, no matter what you do, because nobody wants to look bad or feel left out. Make your own plans, send your invitations as normal, let them work it out amongst themselves.
Post # 7
@Bubu82: agreed! Take your loved ones and hit the beach
Post # 8
I went back and read your previous post. What do the two of you want to do? Here are some thoughts: Do you both want to just take those that you want there and run off?-Your sibling(s?), your friends? Or do you want to make it a small destination wedding-with whoever is willing to show up, and then have a reception in both places? Maybe a small wedding with a restaurant reception, and a larger reception when you return?
Post # 9
I have always been okay with having an intimate, tiny wedding or even an elopement, but I just talked with FH for the past hour and he feels like by eloping, we are allowing the drama to take over.
He’s saying that we have already invested a lot of time and effort into making plans, and some of our family and our friends are very excited about our wedding. He really sweetly said that he wants people to witness him professing how much he loves me and feels like we are making it almost a secret if we elope. While I disagree with the last part about it being a secret if we elope, I get where he’s coming from.
I just hate how much we have argued and how much emotional turbulence all of this sh** has caused both of us.
@deliciousappleblue: I think you are totally right. I really think that his parents and my sisters thought if they bullied us enough, we would give in and make things their way “because we’re family.” I agree that family does need to be there for each other, but family shouldn’t give ultimatums like they have.
Post # 10
@brideatbeach: Good for you! I remember stressing about my guest list also and one day I realized what a waste of time it is to try and please everyone on a day where the only people who REALLY matter are me and him. I don’t care anymore if NOBODY shows up, I’m doing my thing my way. I think it’s great that your fiance sees it that way too, eloping would be giving in, and it’s not worth it to ruin your vision because other people can’t be adults.
Post # 11
Thanks for the support; Weddingbee is so awesome.
I put a quotation up on Facebook yesterday about the power that words have to either hurt or help someone, and his mom actually had the nerve to call him this morning and claim that she knew that was directed at her and he needs to “keep me in line” and tell me not to make comments about her in public. It had nothing to do with her at all! Luckily he knows better than to listen to her shenanigans, but it’s so insane!
We’re just going to go ahead and do things our way, and if two people show up, then so be it.
Post # 12
If two people show up…those two people rock. Just remember: it is YOUR day and if your fams are giving you probs… elope.. they are being unreasonable. Its about you and your SO.
Post # 13
I’m a little bit in your position, although the drama isn’t so fresh for me. To make a long story short, my parents are gone. I have fallen out with almost the entire rest of my family over things that happened in the wake of my parents’ deaths – inheritance skirmishes and rude comments to me back when they had control over my life. It was like a Victorian novel, and I have no desire to ever speak to them again.
So there is barely any family from my side coming. But I still have lots of friends! Weddings aren’t just about the families you were born with, but the friends who love you, too – the friends who have become your family.
I’m also in the same position because I begged and groveled and pleaded my Fiance for an elopement, but he really wanted people to be there at the precise moment of matrimony, to witness it and not feel left out. At first, I sulked, but then I realized that this was a very loving sentiment on his behalf. He adores me and wants everyone in his life to see it!
There will be some empty spots at the wedding. There won’t be that traditional list of dances – and you might not be able to have them either. It’s not the end of the world. People may be angry at you for having a wedding at all. Ignore them. Send out invitations to anyone you want to be there, and if they feel that they can handle it, they can come. If they can’t, well, que sera sera.
Post # 14
Wow, if they don’t want to come because of other people… then it’s obviously changed from celebrating your wedding, to being concerned about themselves. I’m not making a judgment about whether they are right or wrong, but it’s just not about you and your fiance anymore. It sounds like it will make everyone happier if you celebrate the wedding on your own. (So sad for y’all though because I’m sure you want them to have fun with you!) I would definitely elope or have a special ceremony with just you him, and a few close friends who are willing to celebrate and not fight about it.
Maybe after a few months, each family can host their own post-reception. One in the north, one in the south. Just go to dinner or something and at least celebrate such a big step in y’alls life. They can invite who they want and leave out who they don’t want to invite. Sorry that it seems like a big downer to get married… stay in there!
Post # 15
What do you and Fiance want? If you want the wedding, then have it. If you want a small wedding/elopement, then do that. No matter what you do, someone won’t be happy with your decision, so try not to stress about everyone else and just do what makes you and Fiance happy. Good luck!
Post # 16
FH and I are wanting to elope because of family drama too. Do whatever makes you happy 🙂 If thats eloping then do that, if its having an intimate ceremony or a big white wedding then don’t let your family and his make you give up what the two of you want.