Post # 1
I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor in my friends wedding. She asked her friend from childhood to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man2. They hangout in a circle of friends with another Bridesmaid or Best Man1. These two BMs don’t exactly get along due to a guy. BM1 dated him first and now the other one is with him. They have had verbal fights about two times in the last few months. The bride has had a talk with them to keep the peace until the wedding for her. They both promised to do that.
Well BM1 had the couples shower at her house last night that all of us helped host. All BMs were there but Bridesmaid or Best Man2. She had promised the bride she would be there. She didn’t show up and she didn’t call any of us to let us know she couldn’t make it. Bridesmaid or Best Man2 also didn’t send me a check for her portion of the shower. And she never came to our planning session.
The bride called me today and said that Bridesmaid or Best Man2 is the only one who hasn’t bought her dress. We need to have them ordered by the end of July.
So would you ask her to step down? I normally am against asking someone to step down but it is clear she isn’t 100% into this wedding.
Post # 3
Man I hate Bridesmaid or Best Man drama… I really hope it doesn’t happen with my BMs! I think the bride should have a talk with Bridesmaid or Best Man2. I know you’re the Maid/Matron of Honor, but ultimately it should be the bride’s decision whether or not the Bridesmaid or Best Man stays in the wedding party. If Bridesmaid or Best Man2’s really not into being in the wedding, then you have your answer. Maybe she has a logical and understandable reason for being so aloof… I say hear her out first. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
I agree. Hear her out. Maybe something is up both for being MIA and maybe financially she is having problems and unable to buy the dress or help out with the shower maybe that is why she didn’t show and was just to embrassed to say anything. Talk to her. But it is the brides choice in the end!
Post # 5
Oh yes I know it is the bride’s decision she has just asked me what would I do. I told her I would wait until the end of the month. If she doensn’t order the dress by then, I’d talk to her. I just wanted to hear what you all thought about it. You are on the same page as me so I gave her good advice 🙂
Post # 6
Asking someone to step down is almost like telling them you don’t want to be friends anymore. Make sure the brides really thinks about her friendship and talks it out before she makes any huge decisions.
Post # 7
Like LeftLaneLauren said, often asking someone to step down from being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can result in ending a friendship. I think your friend (The Bride) should have a discussion with this girl to see what’s going on. It’s possible she’s just flaking out, but it’s also possible that she has some big life situation going on. I’d want to check in on why she was doing what she was doing before I made any decisions.
Post # 8
the bride should talk to her. maybe give her an out and see if she takes it. if she lacks a good reason for her behavior i might ask her to step down. my rule as a bridesmaid is that it is all about the bride! she needs to put her personal issues aside.
Post # 9
I think the bride needs to talk to her before the final deadline for the dress comes and goes because at that point she’d have to be out anyway or she’d make the wedding look like a hot mess showing up in whatever she felt like wearing because she couldn’t be bothered to get her dress on time. Yes, she may be having financial difficulties, as many are right now, but regardless she still needs to honor her commitment as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, which (if it is financial) would mean discussing that with the bride and trying to work out something regarding payment for the dress. She’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she needs to get her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. End of story. And if she doesn’t and doesn’t discuss anything with the bride then that is the equivalent of saying I don’t want to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 10
I think perhaps the way you titled the thread is throwing some posters off, because you said, should WE kick her out? I personally wouldn’t do much, even as mOH, unless the bride wants you to do something, like follow up on whether she’s ordered the dress. I wouldn’t wait until the end of the month, because then everyone will be in a mad dash to get it sorted out. I would suggest the bride talk to her soon, to figure out what’s up. Then hopefully, that will ensure that the dress is ordered by the end of the month.
As for the shower, well, I think it’s fine for you to approach her on paying you back. I hate when people don’t pay someone back. It’s like, "Hey you did a great job doing all the work. I’m going to thank you by stiffing you." Ugg. I know she should suck it up for the bride. But perhaps with regards to this feud it would have been better to have the shower on some neutral ground. I’m sure it’s hard enough for them to spend time together. But it’s rpobably even more difficult if she has to do it on the other BM’s turf.
Maybe since she didn’t attend, (and I’m thinking wasn’t agreeable to having it at the other BM’s place) she doesn’t feel like she should have to pitch in for the shower. I’m not saying I think that’s OK, just offering possible perspective. Perhaps offering some empathy for the situation will go a long way with her.