Post # 1
Hi fellow bees!
My fiance and I decided on having a 2 year engagement, it made more sense to us financially and he just recently took a new job within the past month. We both have busy work schedules and do not always have a lot of time during the week to wedding plan so we thought a 2 year timeframe would be best for us. We could take our time on some aspects and then others such as the venue we could start looking now if we wanted.
We just recently visited my in laws for the weekend and my future Father-In-Law made a comment that he wasn’t getting any younger and he thinks we need to move up the wedding date. He is the oldest parent, turning 70 this year so he would be 71 (turning 72) by the time our wedding date came up in 2014. As the course of the weekend went on, he brought it up again and he mentioned his friends were teasing him that he’d have to be wheeled into our ceremony/reception. I know it was meant as a joke by his friends but I sensed he took it to heart.
My Fiance made a comment once we were home, that he feels bad that his dad is feeling old. He added his dad mentioned to him that planning over 2 years would end up increasing our costs not lowering them. Can a bride/married bee with experience in this aspect chime in, would it lower our costs to move it up?
Should we stick to our original plan or should we consider his request? My fiance’s mother just shrugged when his dad was talking about it, she has no issues with us keeping our current date. My parents have already told me they are up for whatever we want to do and will support our decisions. We are the ones paying for it and we won’t be receiving any financial help from either set of parents.
The more I mull it over as to what he said vs what we planned, it just bothers me enough to post here and ask. It IS a game changer, we’d have to speed up the process of finding venue, vendors, etc which I’m not entirely prepared for. I’m coming up to a very busy time of the year for my job and it would also collide with the holidays to try to plan something for 2013 instead of 2014.
I appreciate any and all advice!
Post # 3
Is he actually in bad health? Or just making jokes and using that as sort of the punchline?
Personally, a two-year engagement would kill me! But if you’re happy with it and there isn’t any REAL risk of someone not being around that long (of course, could happen to anyone at any time), I’d stick with the plan that you like.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should change your plan just because FI’s dad is going to be 2 years older. Everyone will be 2 years older. We did a 14 month engagement and, sadly, one of our 42 year old guests passed away in that time. 72 is not all that old (even though it may feel that way, since he’s turning a big age this year). Plus, a lot of that generation isn’t pro long engagements, so I can understand why they want you to get the show on the road.
Re: pricing – I noticed vendors did increase pricing – sometimes annually. If you book early (now) they will honor the price when you booked, since you’ll have a signed contract. I booked my photog more than year before my wedding and by the wedding date, her prices were several hundred dollars more. Obviously, that didn’t affect me, other than had I booked her later.
Post # 5
@NAvery: No he’s not in bad health at all, I think possibly it’s hitting him he’s turning 70 and he’s a little freaked out. I’m hoping he can let it go as I’d rather keep the 2 year planning concept. It is a long time to wait but in our situation I’d like to find and pay for things over time.
@oracle: Oh, I’m so sorry for your loss 🙁 You are so right about everyone being two years older, I wasn’t really thinking of it that way. And I am hoping if we do keep the date the same, the vendors we find will honor the price when we book not increase it for when we actually use their service! That’s a good question to ask each one, thanks!
Post # 6
@wifeyoneill21: we signed contracts (which you definitely need to do!!). The agreed price (their current pricing) will be what you agree to! You won’t have to worry about prices going up, as long as you book earlier than later (not all vendors had a price increase!)
Post # 7
Yes, I have to agree with PP and say that a lot of vendors change their prices anually. Best to lock in current pricing if you can!
Post # 8
I think that increased money you will save in the extra months planning is more than the amount the vendors raise their prices you should continue with the long engagement.
The exception to that rule is if FI’s dad was ill, which you seem to indicate he is not, so, no. I think you’re good.
Post # 9
Thank you! I really appreciate hearing from other bees that our decision to keep the date is a good one. If his dad or any immediate family member were to have health issues then yes I would consider moving the date up but I think our 2 year engagement & planning is a good journey for us. We can jump on things right away like venues and then take our time picking out the rest and paying for them over time.
Post # 10
My Fiance and I were considering delaying our wedding date by 2 years, the advantages being that we’d have FIRST pick of everything and have more on hand money saved (although we’re financially stable at the moment). But when he told his co-workers they laughed and said we may as well do it this year rather than the next because it was going to be expensive regardless. Waiting wasn’t especially going to SAVE us any money. Especially since I want to wait to have children until after the marriage, and we want to start having kids by 30 (which is a couple years away now).
A 1 year engagment is turning out to be plenty of time for me. But I don’t think you should move up the date, you’ll start bum rushing all over the place and it won’t be fun. Plus you’ll be competing against the early bird brides that have a lot of the best dates booked up for your chosen date already. Changing plans when you were already set on something else will mess you up.
ALSO you need to look at your contracts CAREFULLY. Many vendors include an escalation clause, what this means is that if they have a price increase that they’re allowed to raise your cost as well. Despite the conttract already being signed. BEWARE.
Post # 11
@lovelyduckie: Thank you for the advice! I did not know that about the escalation clause I will be checking for that now! My Fiance’s new job he is making far more money than his old job but he’s not sure about it yet so it’s sort of keeping us from pulling the trigger on certain items. I agree on the bum rush, I’m already anxious to find a venue so adding the rest would drive me crazy at this point. Trying to find the balance of not rushing him in his stablity with this job and being able to get the best prices if possible by booking things early.
Ideally I’d like to pick the venue, color or theme, florist, bakery/caterer earlier and have them set. Then have more time to do all my DIY invites, centerpieces, favors for the remaining timeframe. I know it’s a fantasy but a girl can dream lol.