Post # 1
Looking for some advice (though I’m sure it’s been discussed to death on here before!)
We are planning a smaller wedding (65 guests) We are doing the wedding as low budget as possible – and we are paying for our photographer, invites, etc. We chose a reception venue that has a minimum and my parents graciously put the down payment on the venue.
Over half the wedding guests are my fiance’s family, 3 are mine, and the rest are close friends. We had some serious drama about the guest list, which ended up with us giving in and letting his mom invite more of their family. Mine agreed to stick to immediate family only to accomodate them and let us have the intimate wedding we envisioned.
I get the impression from my parents that they assume my fiance’s parents would pitch in for the reception. His mom did offer to pay for the “extra” guests that we gave her but nothing else (As soon as his mom finds out the ceremony is immediate family only she’s going to freak out, and I don’t need her hanging $$ over our heads anyways!)
Should we offer to pay for the part my parents were hoping his parents would pay for? I feel uncomfortable asking my parents to pay for a 65 person party when its just them and my grandma on my side, even though I’m certain they will. However, I am concerned it will cause drama if his parents realize we are paying for “their family” since I’m getting the impression they believe the bride’s parents should pay for everything.
(Just a note, both families are financially well)
And to think, I thought this would be a small, easy wedding to plan!
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Post # 2
If either set of parents thinks any parents “should” pay for any part of the wedding, they’re mistaken. It’s the 21st century. Most couples are out of the house with jobs and homes long before getting married and should therefore be responsible for paying for their own wedding. If any parents WANT to contribute and are able to, that’s a wonderful gift to the couple, but nobody is obligated to. So in my opinion, yes, you should pay for guests in excess of what your parents offered to pay for. It’s not appropriate to ask his family for money, and if his family thinks it’s weird that you are paying (instead of your family paying)…. well that’s pretty ballsy of them and ironic.
Post # 3
I agree with Daisy Mae, but I never would have agreed to limit my family and have inlaws have many more. I would tell fiance, this will not fly.
Post # 4
I should have mentioned that my family is not close (I havent seen some of them in years) and his gets together every major holiday. So I was okay with limiting my family, since I want people there that are actually a part of both our lives.
My fiance didn’t particularly care if his cousins were there (that is where the guest list disagreement came from – he has a lot of cousins, none of whom he sees outside of family get togethers) but Future Mother-In-Law reaaaaaally cared.
Post # 5
No, neither set of parents are obligated to help pay for the wedding, but I would have never agreed to invite a bunch of people I didn’t want to my wedding if I was the one paying for it. If you’re footing the bill, you get to choose who to invite. Are you doing this just to stay on your MIL’s good side?
Post # 6
We gave in for a few reasons: She did offer to pay for the 18 cousins. I would like to keep the peace with her…especially since now I know the private ceremony is going to be a huge battle.
I agree, I don’t think either sets of parents are obligated to pay – and if we were paying for this wedding entirely on our own we would do it differently.
By the way, my fiance disagrees with me and thinks both families should contribute becuase “that’s just what you do.” We are nearly 30, I disagree!