- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I got engaged 8 months ago – it was kind of expected. My fiance and I had spoken about it and we made the decision together. As a courtesy, my fiance “asked permission” from my family, any they told him it was okay to propose to me as long as we wouldn’t get married for several years.
He proposed, I said yes, and we were both thrilled. We started planning a January 2013 wedding, but my mom informed me that if we had the wedding so soon (a year after getting engaged), she would be furious and wouldn’t want to come. She says that I have taken all the joy out of an engagement.
As per her wishes, we postponed the wedding until April 2013, but all of the joy is gone. My fiance and I just want to be married, and at this point we don’t even want to have a reception. We plan on going to city hall, signing the papers, and having a small dinner. My mom is unhappy that we are marrying so soon, and his mom is also upset. Both of them want us to wait several more years. The part that hurts the most is their reasons: they are afraid that we will have children. (My dad and his dad are fine with us getting married now, but neither of our parents are together, so our dads’ opinions don’t affect our moms’ opinions at all.)
We do plan on having children, and we were going to TTC next year immediately following the wedding. Our families know this and they are hurt and upset because they think we are too young. We are both 23. I have a Master’s degree and he is just finishing college as well. I have a full-time, stable job. My fiance and I have been living together and supporting ourselves for about 3 years. We are both hurt by the lack of support and neither of us are excited about planning – or even having – a wedding reception.
We gave up on looking for venues because our families aren’t happy and it brings us down. We would both be happier getting married at city hall and keeping it simple, just because we don’t want to have a big party knowing that our moms are unhappy to be there. This is supposed to be a joyous time, but it isn’t. We want them to smile, be happy, and say “congratulations”, at least… but they won’t. They feel that we are getting married way too young, and they don’t want us to “ruin” our lives by becoming parents “too young”.
I feel a little disappointed that we won’t be having a reception with music and dancing… we didn’t want anything huge, but we wanted to celebrate with our loved ones. Should we just go to city hall and have a quick dinner afterwards? Or should we put off the wedding until our families can be supportive? We are paying for the wedding ourselves, and we have never asked our parents to contribute – so this is certainly not about money. Anyway, sorry for the rant, but I would love to hear some comforting words or some advice.