(Closed) Should we postpone the wedding to make our families happy?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@tani139:  Get married now. It’s selfish of your families to want you to postpone it. It’s YOUR lives, not theirs. Try to get them involved a bit, maybe that’ll make them feel a bit better about it all, but ultimately it’s not up to them.

Post # 4
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly?  Eff them and the horse they rode in on.

You’re taking all the joy out of an engagement!?  They’re taking all the joy out of everything!

I think you should both plan the wedding – and reception – that YOU want, WHEN you want, and invite them if you still want to.  If they feel like missing out and staying home to pout in the corner, that’s their problem, not yours.  How nervy that they think they have a place to tell you not to have children when you want to!

Post # 5
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Agree with both PPs.

Post # 6
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Have the wedding when you want and how you want it. It’s sad that you don’t have your parents support, but at least your there to support each other.

I got pregnant with our Dirty Delete when I was 23, 24 when she was born. It’s a great age to have a child if your both ready and it really does sound like you are.

Post # 7
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Have the wedding you want, when you want it.  Only invite the dads!  The moms can sit at home and sniff their own farts since their heads are so far up their own asses that’s all they can do anyhow.

Post # 8
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

What reason are your folks giving you for it being “too soon”? It sounds like you’ve been together for a while and are financially stable so do they have some sort of other underlying concern about your relationship or your FI?

Is it because your mom really wants to help plan the wedding?

I think you need to have a conversation and assert your autonomy and tell them that unless they can give you a good reason why, you want to be married and you’re going to do it on your own timetable…

Post # 9
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you should postpone the wedding or having kids to please your parents. I would plan a bigger wedding now, and invite the people who are supportive. Or have a smaller celebration (how about an elopement somewhere romantic?). And the good thing about a small celebration is you can plan it sooner than january if you wish. Why not next month? Or October or whatever works for you.

Post # 11
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You two sound like you’ve got your lives very sorted out. I mean, all of the “normal” issues that people have with young marriage aren’t problems for you two. School, living situation, jobs, etc. Those things aren’t factors here. It’s very strange that the mothers have such strong objections because of the possibility of grandchildren… Are they really concerned because their own marriages didn’t work out, maybe?

I’d say get married when you want two. Clearly, you’re ready for it. And honestly it’s your decision. Ready or not, they are your mothers and have to accept it eventually.

Post # 13
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

Have the wedding when you want it not when they want it.

Post # 14
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hopefully they will be more excited when the planning gets going and they realize how right this is for you two.

Post # 16
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

First off, you can’t please everyone. You never will. Don’t waste your time or eneregy trying.

You guys are adults and it sounds like they are treating you as if you are children. Be firm in your decision, my fiance and I went through the same thing with our families (mostly my side) and we had to be strong together. We are highschool sweethearts and have been together for almost five years, and are currently getting our lives planned and it is very exciting and worth the wait. My family has ALWAYS loved my fiance and his family has ALWAYS loved me–they knew we were going to get married someday but I think they didn’t expect us to get engaged until later.

Our families are a lot more accepting now that time has gone by, but we did not try to please anyone in the process. We listened to their financial concerns and made decisions as a couple. I strongly believe that once you are an adult and are living an autonomous lifestyle, obeying your parents orders would strip them of their own honor and it would be a disgrace to yourself and your fiance.

I’d recommend pre-marital counseling, it might help. Most people prepare for the wedding, not the actual marriage and I think that is what would most likely create a catalyst for divorce. There’s no way you will ever really truly know, you just have to LIVE and do the best you can and hopefully prove them wrong. The best revenge is to live a good, happy, and fulfilled life Wink

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