(Closed) Should we reciprocate an invite in this situation?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we (Choose as many as you want):
    Only go to this wedding if we invite this couple to ours : (6 votes)
    5 %
    Go to the wedding even if we can't invite them to ours. : (66 votes)
    57 %
    Send a gift even if we don't go : (33 votes)
    28 %
    Don't go, don't send a gift : (9 votes)
    8 %
    Go and invite them to ours (along w other cpl) : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Other explained below : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7123 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I think it’s fine to go and to not invite them to your wedding. Getting an invite to someone’s wedding doesn’t mean you have to invite them to yours. Especially in your scenario where they are having a large wedding and you are having a smaller one.

    Post # 4
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @MrsBeck:  +1  however I think it’s a bit rude that you’ve assumed they’re having a bigger wedding just for the gifts.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It’s fine to go and not invite them to yours. If you don’t go, obviously send a gift. We’re inviting our best man’s whole family (including his brother and sister) and definitely don’t expect to be invite to their weddings.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2204 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t assume they are having a large guest list for gifts.

    Go if you want to, don’t go if you don’t want to. Simple.

    Post # 7
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee

    Go or don’t go, send a gift either way. Invite or don’t invite, either one is proper. If you don’t invite, hang out with them sometime in the next year  as a reciprocal invitation, if you’re up for it.

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    7564 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Since you’re not that close to them I probably wouldn’t go. Even if you did you wouldn’t be expected to invite them to your wedding. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d go but I wouldn’t feel obliged to invite them to your wedding.

    If you get along well, you might want to invite them! Who knows? A lot can change in a year.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9556 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t go by the thing that you have to invite people that invited you to theirs. We have couples that invited us to theirs and we aren’t inviting to ours. We also have couples that we weren’t invited to theirs and they will be invited to ours.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2254 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @MrsBeck:  +1.

    Post # 14
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @Shkragoldfish:  I see, well you said ‘probably’ which suggests you didn’t know and were just assuming, I see you’ve made this clear in your first post now. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1689 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Shkragoldfish:  You should always reciprocate a social invitation, with an equivalent invitation issued in the same season. “Equivalent” does not mean “celebrating the same kind of event”, since on the one hand not everyone has an upcoming wedding with which to reciprocate, and on the other hand because not every invitation is in celebration of something. Some are “just because”.

    “Equivalent invitation” refers to the time of day, the formality, and the presence of a meal. If someone invites you to a garden-party tea, you might invite them to a picnic, or afternoon tea. If they invite you to a theatre party you might reciprocate with tickets to the philharmonic. If they invite you to dinner, you need to reciprocate with a dinner invitation.

    Most traditional weddings are either an afternoon tea, or a formal dinner. So you would reciprocate by inviting the hosts of the wedding over to your home after they return from their honeymoon, either for tea or for dinner. If you cannot imagine yourselves doing that, then decline the invitation: it was sent by mistake because they thought you were closer friends than you are.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8176 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Shkragoldfish:  my FI has a LOT of friends and has been to A LOT of weddings.

    i made him cut his list significantly because it is not in our budget to have everyone he wants. and i want a smaller wedding anyway.

    just because you were invited to someone’s doesn’t mean you have to invite them to your.

    last september we were invited (and went to) his disant cousins wedding.  there were over 200 people there. our guest list is 130, and those cousins are not on the list.

     

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