(Closed) Should we recognize FI’s step-grandmother on the program? Advice needed!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should FI's step-grandmother be listed as a grandparent in the program?
    Yes, she should be listed. Write "John and Jane Doe" as FI's grandparents. : (19 votes)
    61 %
    No, she shouldn't be listed. Just write "John Doe" alone. : (9 votes)
    29 %
    Other (please explain). : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 4
    3267 posts
    Sugar bee

    @GreenEyedMoon: I wouldn’t list her.  She hasn’t had a role in raising the groom.  But I realise that in some families it was cause a huge problem.  In which case perhaps you could list them as

    John Doe and his wife Jane. 

    It still states she is his wife, but also deliniating that she isn’t the grandmother.  I would still honour her with a coursage or something if you are doing something like that for ther other grandparents but not list her in a role that she hasn’t fufilled.

    Post # 5
    3363 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I would list her.  She is a huge part of his grandfather’s life and it would mean a lot to him I would think to have his wife included.  I think it is generally “safer” and more polite to list them when you are questioning it.  It is better to avoid any hurt feelings or drama, because after the wedding is over it won’t even matter to you who was or wasn’t in the program.

    Post # 7
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee

    I wouldn’t list her due to the fact that she is so new to the family and that she had no role in helping raise your Fiance. The program is usually for the people that have had an influence on the lives of the bride and groom. Maybe I am rude, but I vote “no”.

    Post # 8
    341 posts
    Helper bee

    I would list her and honor her with a corsage. Actually, we have a similar situation on FI’s side, his grandma died 4 years ago and his grandpa has a girlfriend (not married) that he’s been dating for 3 or so years. She’s the closest thing I have to a grandma (all my grandparents are deceased) and even though she didn’t have a hand in raising Fiance, she is still important to his grandpa and so will be listed and honored. My dad’s mom died before I was born and my granddad remarried when I was only a few months old so my actual grandma, I never knew. My technically step-grandma I always considered a grandmother and I can only wish she was still alive as well. 

    I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t look a gift Grandma in the mouth! Haha! (I know, I’m a dork.. lol)

    Post # 10
    4485 posts
    Honey bee

    It’s not worth the risk to hurt feelings. If you choose to not list her, then don’t list Grandpa. She’s his wife now even if your fiance does not acknowledge her.

    Post # 11
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @GreenEyedMoon: That’s definately different than if she had raised him, but I agree with Jane and John Doe. Really does cut down on any arguements. 

    Or you could just not list grandparents. It hadnt even occured to me to list them.

    Post # 12
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    Agree with the john and his wife jane suggestion. If she is the only person in a grandparent role who is left out, it can be very obvious.

    Or just don’t list any grandparents.

    Post # 13
    964 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would.   She is family now.

    Post # 15
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    What does your Fiance want to do? Since it’s his family, I think he should make the call. If she hasn’t been part of his life and he doesn’t consider her a grandparent, then I don’t think she should be listed

    Post # 16
    1763 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would ask Fiance parents to see what they think. I would end up listing her though because she is his wife now and there is really no point in hurting feelings over this. Does it really make that much of a difference if her name is on there?

    The topic ‘Should we recognize FI’s step-grandmother on the program? Advice needed!’ is closed to new replies.

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