Post # 1
FI’s grandmother died a few years ago, and his grandfather has since remarried. FI likes his new step-grandmother, but since she lives quite far away and because she only entered his life recently, he does not consider her to be a grandmother.
We plan to list the grandparents of the bride and groom in our programs. Thus, my question is this: should we list FI’s grandfather’s wife in the program as one of the grandparents? Neither Fiance nor Future Mother-In-Law knew the proper etiquette in this situation.
Please note that I, too, have a step-grandmother, and she WILL be listed in the program. The difference here is that because my grandpa remarried long ago, his wife has been a part of my life since the day I was born.
Also, we will not list FI’s actual grandmother’s name, since my mom requested that we don’t list any of the deceased grandparents.
Please help us decide, ladies!
Post # 4
@GreenEyedMoon: I wouldn’t list her. She hasn’t had a role in raising the groom. But I realise that in some families it was cause a huge problem. In which case perhaps you could list them as
John Doe and his wife Jane.
It still states she is his wife, but also deliniating that she isn’t the grandmother. I would still honour her with a coursage or something if you are doing something like that for ther other grandparents but not list her in a role that she hasn’t fufilled.
Post # 5
I would list her. She is a huge part of his grandfather’s life and it would mean a lot to him I would think to have his wife included. I think it is generally “safer” and more polite to list them when you are questioning it. It is better to avoid any hurt feelings or drama, because after the wedding is over it won’t even matter to you who was or wasn’t in the program.
Post # 6
@heathaah: FI’s grandfather is a pretty darn down-to-earth sort of guy, so I don’t think he’ll really care one way or another. Thank you for thinking of him, though.
@andielovesj: I don’t think it would cause a huge problem in this family, fortunately. I’m really lucky to have sane and laid back in-laws.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t list her due to the fact that she is so new to the family and that she had no role in helping raise your Fiance. The program is usually for the people that have had an influence on the lives of the bride and groom. Maybe I am rude, but I vote “no”.
Post # 8
I would list her and honor her with a corsage. Actually, we have a similar situation on FI’s side, his grandma died 4 years ago and his grandpa has a girlfriend (not married) that he’s been dating for 3 or so years. She’s the closest thing I have to a grandma (all my grandparents are deceased) and even though she didn’t have a hand in raising Fiance, she is still important to his grandpa and so will be listed and honored. My dad’s mom died before I was born and my granddad remarried when I was only a few months old so my actual grandma, I never knew. My technically step-grandma I always considered a grandmother and I can only wish she was still alive as well.
I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t look a gift Grandma in the mouth! Haha! (I know, I’m a dork.. lol)
Post # 9
Thank you all so much for the feedback!
I should also point out that Fiance has only seen her three or four times ever.
Post # 10
It’s not worth the risk to hurt feelings. If you choose to not list her, then don’t list Grandpa. She’s his wife now even if your fiance does not acknowledge her.
Post # 11
@GreenEyedMoon: That’s definately different than if she had raised him, but I agree with Jane and John Doe. Really does cut down on any arguements.
Or you could just not list grandparents. It hadnt even occured to me to list them.
Post # 12
Agree with the john and his wife jane suggestion. If she is the only person in a grandparent role who is left out, it can be very obvious.
Or just don’t list any grandparents.
Post # 13
I would. She is family now.
Post # 14
Bump to get more votes and increase the sample size. 🙂
Post # 15
What does your Fiance want to do? Since it’s his family, I think he should make the call. If she hasn’t been part of his life and he doesn’t consider her a grandparent, then I don’t think she should be listed
Post # 16
I would ask Fiance parents to see what they think. I would end up listing her though because she is his wife now and there is really no point in hurting feelings over this. Does it really make that much of a difference if her name is on there?