Post # 1
Our ceremony is scheduled for a late afternoon on a fall Saturday. My fiance neglected to mention that his brother’s 21st birthday takes place the Sunday immediately after. He would like to reschedule our plans so that his brother can party with his friends from college. In the state where we live, the law mandates that an individual cannot legally be served at a bar without parental presence until 8:00 am of the day of his 21st birthday. I pointed out that his brother was free to drink friday night with his friends privately, or go out with his friends to the bars on Sunday (after 8:00 am, that’s when he can legally drink).
I wasn’t a wild-child in college, and my 21st birthday wasn’t a big deal for me. As far as I know, his brother has been drinking for years. I’m annoyed because no one has seen fit to mention this to me earlier (before we put down the deposit for the venue). But I’m just learning that a 21st birthday can have additional significance. Should we reconsider?
Edit: I’d like to mention that the next available date for my chosen venue is in November, when the weather will assuredly be wet and cold. While our wedding isn’t an outdoors one, I’d still like to take some photos outside, which will not be possible.
Post # 2
He isn’t even 21 until the next day. Why can’t he party with his friend’s that night or the next weekend? I wouldn’t reschedule my wedding for this.
Post # 3
I think that would be ridiculous, personally. The “you get one day” wedding theory also applies to birthdays! Why does he need a whole weekend for his birthday?? However, I suppose it doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what your fiance thinks. If he (and his family) are going to be irrationally upset about it and ruin your wedding, then it might be easier to change it and give up the deposit.
Post # 4
Absolutely not – it isn’t his birthday. And if he can’t legally drink until 8am the next morning then, really, what’s the big deal? How late is your reception going to last? Midnight?
Post # 6
Reception will last until 11 due to venue restrictions (and because my family is ultraconservative) but we expect some of the younger guests will want to go out after. I’ll probably leave with Fiance at 11 though.
Trying to figure out if this is a hill I want to die on, because the next available date in my prefered venue (haven’t even contacted the other vendors yet) is early November, which means the weather will very likely be dreadful snow and sludge.
Post # 7
No, that’s insane. A 21 year old should be old enough and mature enough to realize the day before his birthday doesn’t belong to him.
Post # 8
You know, I believe his brother IS mature enough actually! Fiance is super overprotective about his family though – any potential inconvenience becomes insurmountable in his mind. We argued for a long time before he even agreed to ask his brother instead of just assuming it would be a problem (his brother was fine with it). Fiance interpreted some hesitation into whatever was said over the phone though and thus is waffling.
Post # 10
Nope! He wont even be able to drink that day, so no point.
Post # 11
I would say no way to that. I mean what the hell? Hell no. That would piss me off and I wouldn’t even consider it. Why can’t he celebrate the next weekend? That’s a stupid request to be honest. Nooooooo.
Post # 12
Do not move your wedding day for this. You can celebrate his birthday with him after the wedding on his birthday. I personally think it is a bit selfish to even consider moving such an important and sacred life even because one person is not of leagal age to drink of all things.
Post # 13
I am a bit confused why this is an issue as his birthday is the next day, not your wedding day. There are a few likely scenarios but I am not quite sure which one is his issue:
- Does he not want to be out late the night before his birthday at your wedding because he needs to be alive and awake at 8 AM to get drunk on his actual birthday?
- Or does he want to be able to legally drink ON your wedding night and wants you to move it so he can go out after with the wedding party?
- Or would he rather illegally party with his friends on the night before his birthday? He needs to get over that, his legal birthday is the next day and he does not get an entire weekend to get drunk just because he turns 21 on Sunday. The allure of turning 21 is legally drinking in a bar which he cannot do that night anyway. If he wants you to move your wedding so he can illegally get drunk on Saturday night with his buddies to celebrate that is BS.
I would hold your ground and keep your wedding as is!
Post # 14
Wait,so the brother is actually fine with it but it’s your fi that’s insisting on it? He’s actually prepared to lose deposits/postpone wedding when the brother doesn’t even have a problem?! If that’s correct you have a very big Fiance problem. Can’t advise you as I’m actually gobsmacked!
Post # 15
Your Fiance needs to realize that while it’s great to be considerate of family, you are his most important family now, and you two already made these plans.
The venue is booked.
Hes willing to make you book another date but not willing to do something his brother doesn’t even care about? Not how a husband should be thinking.