(Closed) Should we say anything?

posted 4 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I would assume that the card was lost, and wouldn’t mention anything to “Jacob”.

If “Jacob” misplaced the card & it turns up, I’m sure he’ll send it along to you guys.

Post # 3
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’d ask him and be honest– give him a call and say something along the lines of, “Hi Jacob, I’m sorry to have to be asking you this, but if I’m remembering correctly you said you gave us a card with some money in it– we didn’t see the card when we went through our gifts. We just wanted to make sure that it didn’t get lost so that we could look around for it again and send you a proper thank-you note later.” If he specifically brought up gifts earlier, he shouldn’t be too surprised that you’re bringing it up, and I think as long as you frame it correctly it’ll be fine.

Post # 4
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I assume that as he is the borther in law, his wife is your fiance’s sister? It wouldn’t hurt for him to call and say “Hey sis, no big deal but we are worried that some of our cards were misplaced. You didn’t happen to give us one, right? It is easier to ask you rather than potentially make other guests uncomfortable.”. It fhtye didn’t it then it give an out for her to say no.

Post # 5
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Personally, I would say to Jacob that it seems you guys are missing a couple of cards that may have been misplaced and you want to make sure theirs was not one of them. You can say “Did I hear right? Did you say you had left a card for us? Do you remember what the card looked like, or the color of the envelope?”. If he gives you information on it, then I would ask him if he put it in a check or cash, because it looks like his card is one of the missing ones. That way if he gave a check, he can cancel and reissue, and if he didn’t give you a card, he technically could say he did and honestly no one would be the wiser and no ones feelings should be hurt. It might sound a little weird and sketchy, but that’s honestly what I would do.

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Hi Bee, 

Since Jacob mentioned that he did give a card (even if you may have heard incorrectly or misunderstood), I would ask him about it – he is family, after all! Since he’s your husband’s brother-in-law, I assume he’s married to your brother’s sibling, so it doesn’t hurt to ask him/her directly and say “hey, we remember Brother-In-Law saying something about wedding cards and that he gave us one for our wedding, but we didn’t see one from him. We just wanted to double check if he actually sent one so that we can make sure it didn’t get lost in the shuffle! We want to make sure we send you two a thank-you card to express our appreciation for being a part of our big day!” 

Given that they’re family, I don’t think they should have an issue with it. I think it would be better than Jacob and his partner getting the wrong idea if they did actually did give you a card (with money or without), but it was lost, and they didn’t receive a thank-you card. That may cause some hard feelings. 

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
419 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would tell Jacob that you hate to be a bother but noticed you are missing a couple of cards. 

I actually had this happen at my wedding and it turned out the card and cash missing had slipped between panels on the card box and I was glad that I figured out it was missing! 

Post # 9
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

id call him, no shame! If it did get lost hell want to know

Post # 10
Member
9583 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

No, definitely dont say anything!!!  I mean, think of the potential outcomes… if his cash was lost do you expect him to cough it up again? Do you want to embaress him if he didnt give anything or shame him into giving something? Maybe he wrote a check… and he’ll contact you when he realizes it wasnt cashed.

Definitely, definitely do not follow up on wether he gave you something or not. Theres no polite way to do that.

Post # 12
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
llevinso:  Even it was lost I would atleast replace the sentiments in a card, if not the money as well. It would disappointment me if I wished a couple so close to me well and they did not recieve that message.

Post # 13
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I would ask, but maybe wait a few days. 

We had a similar situation.  DH’s aunt mentioned a gift. When we were doing opening everything, there wasn’t anything from her. We gave it a few days, and she ended up calling us and saying that she totally forgot about it until they found it while unpacking back home. 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
7470 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
llevinso:  The difference is, it’s kind of rude to lead someone into a situation where there’s a high chance they will go into their wallets again for you.  They’ve already taken $100 or whatever out of their pocket.  You can either leave well enough alone, in which case to the best of their knowledge they did something nice for you, or you can give them bad news and risk them throwing another $100 of their money on top of what they’ve already spent.   You don’t tell them, because you know that most nice people will replace the gift and you don’t want them to go to more expense.  

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