(Closed) Should we split up we got married…..

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry that things are happening like this, especially because this should be the time of your life right now, with your husband, who is supposed to be supportive and on your side! What your husband’s family is doing to you, not helping with the house situation just because of your nationality, is a bunch of BS, and anyone knows it. That is just another way of racism to me, and it is the ugliest thing in the whole world. I hate that, your families shouldn’t be at war with each other, you all should be living in peace and harmony.

But what your husband is doing is even worse. I can’t believe he would treat you with such little respect, especially about the way you look and the way you dress, etc. It seems that he would rather have the physical side of things, and that isn’t fair to you at all. In fact, his whole side of the family deems more on image than anything else, and sounds like they are very materialistic. That is just what I am getting from your post.

All I can say is you really need to sit down and have a talk with him, and if he doesn’t want to listen, perhaps you should reconsider being with him for all eternity, because if you guys won’t communicate, there would hardly be anything else there.

Let us know how it goes!

Post # 5
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry.  I don’t know where you live but I don’t understand what kind of people his parents are that don’t like you just because you are part Indian.  Who cares?  You and your husband need to sit down and have a serious conversation, first about the fact that he is degrading you by telling you to get bigger boobs, and second because of his family.  Honestly, I wouldn’t want a house from his jerk parents but your husband should be taking your side and defending you from those people.

Post # 7
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your husband’s family and himself included should be ashamed of themselves.  That is no way to treat any human being, much less someone now considered to be family.  You really should stand up for yourself hon!  You shouldn’t be treated like that just because you’re different from them.  It boils my blood to know that they laughed at you!  Were they raised by wolves? geez, what’s wrong with them.

I suggest talking to your husband and telling him how he and his family make you feel.  It’s not very pleasant to be “laughed at” and “made fun” at by your own family.  And for your husand to disrespectful told you to consider getting “big knockers?”  Wow..that’s beyond anything I’d tolerate.  If he dismissed your feelings, I say take some time for yourself then perhaps seek some professional advice on what to do. Good luck and don’t let them bring you down.  They’re obviously think too highly of themselves when they really shouldn’t! 

Post # 9
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You need to stand up for yourself! First, you and your husband need to have a serious talk regarding how his family treats you and his duty as husband to stand by your side FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

It’s 2010 for crying out loud, there is no excuse for laughing at someone because of their nationality! It just completely baffles me that a family would behave in this manner.

Is it possible for you and your husband to move away? Do you work? Save up for your own house. When you are at family gatherings, don’t hang your head and give in to them. Say to them exactly what you’ve said here- that they are disrepecting you, you don’t like and please stop. Is marital counseling an option for you? Maybe even go by yourself to learn ways to deal with this treatment- by your husband and his family.


Post # 10
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I have a feeling your husband isn’t being a good husband given your remarks/posts.  I seriously think you should demand that you attend marriage counseling and if he refuses, well then you have your answer.

Post # 12
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

WOAH! I can only say one thing to you. DIVORCE! and quick. Your husband doesn’t seem committed at all this marriage. His family sounds like such jerks. Sorry, but I have to be blunt. You deserve a man who will support you and his family should support you as well. Your race shouldn’t be a factor on how you are treated.

My husband is 45 and I’m 22. My parents were not happy at all when we started dating. They came around about 6 months into our dating relationship and even helped pay for the wedding. My family had doubts about our relationship and marriage, but my husband and I have made it through some tough stuff and we still have both of our families supporting us.

Seriously, talk to him a little bit, but you shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch and he shouldn’t be DEGRADING you like he does. Get out of the marriage, and find a better man. Trust me, there are GOOD men out there! I found that out myself!

Post # 14
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Stop going to his family gatherings.  You are an adult and no one can make you go anywhere you refuse to go.  Your husband is not currently in any position to be asking for favors.  Why do you go?

If you are ever in the situation again where someone asks your husband where his ‘house’ is, I’d be really tempted to say “Oh, his parents aren’t gifting us a house because I’m part Native American.  Amazing right?  *light laugh*  Why knew Mr. and Mrs.X were such old fashioned racists”  Though given the kind of people they are the less ties between you the better so it is a good tihng they aren’t gifting you with anything.

Why did you marry him?  Did he use to treat you better?


Post # 15
2867 posts
Sugar bee

@Daisys4U:  I’ve reread some of your posts and I think your husband is abusive.  Especially given he yells at you and you end up in tears.  This is how my father was, but eventually it escalated to physical abuse.  I would start making arrangements for a place to stay if things get out of line.  Since he refuses to go to counseling, there isn’t much you can do to change him.  I don’t want to tell you to get divorced but….

Post # 16
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am really against divorces, but I think in your case, you should be headed down and filing for one ASAP. Then moving FAR away.

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