Post # 1
So we’ve come to terms with the fact that FI’s parents and sister aren’t coming to our wedding (for reasons I won’t get into but could be read about in past posts if you really need to know) and we’ve decided that they aren’t worth canceling it for. My question is do we still send them invitations?
My parents feel that we should because this means that we’re taking the high road and put it on them to choose not to come, plus then they can’t hold the fact that we didn’t invite them against us anytime in the future (although to be honest I’m not sure there will be much of a future with them.)
Fiance and his grandparents (who are stepping in for the parents who aren’t coming) don’t think they should be invited at all because they are worried they will cause a scene, and also feel that they aren’t worth it for 1. What they’ve put us through and 2. What they’ve said regarding our wedding and us personally. If they did happen to show up I do feel like the day would…not be ruined per-se…but definitely have a cloud over it.
I’m really torn about what we should do…any suggestions??
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I think yes, you should invite them for the same reasons that your parents put forth.
Post # 4
I think you should still invite them. I agree with your parents.
Post # 5
@elysion: +1 Be the bigger people!
Post # 6
@phishy179: Nope nope nope. If their behavior has been that bad, and you are worried about them causing a scene, just don’t do it. Even if it’s unlikely but COULD happen, it’s just not going to be worth it. It will cause tension for you for the entire day, and frankly, it’s a big day but it’s ONE day in your lives. If you can’t trust someone not to sabotage your day or just be a big jerk during it, you actually DON’T OWE THEM AN INVITE. Seriously. If you wouldn’t invite a stranger behaving that way to a dinner party, why in the world would it be okay at your wedding?
Also: your Fiance and his grandparents know these people wayyyyyyy better than you, and seem to have a great objective viewpoint, and are not getting wrapped up in emotion – just being practical and real about what has happened and what is possible. Follow his lead. Don’t invite them.
Post # 7
@phishy179: It’s not up to your parents or you. It’s up to Fiance because they’re his parents (and to a lesser extent his grandparents because one of them is their child). If Fiance and his grandparents say not to invite them, then don’t invite. You and your parents need to stay out of it.
Post # 8
Of course it’s ultimately your + FI’s decision, but if he decisive as you are then i would be the bigger person & invite them. If you Fiance does NOT want to invite them, then don’t.
Post # 9
I vote no.
Yes you can take the high road, but there comes a point where etiquette and ‘being the bigger person’ has to stop.
If you don’t want them there – don’t invite them.
Post # 10
i say yes. that insulates you from ‘you never invited us’ and is definitely the high road. better to end on that note if it is the end.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Send them…be the bigger person.
Post # 12
I would say yes. My FI’s brothers family are all living in Japan right now and cannot make it for financial reasons. We still sent an invite.