Post # 1
Here is my first pregnancy question. I just learned I was pregnant. A few weeks earlier, my SIL learned she was too. TTC was a hard road for her. Well it seems like she’s losing the baby, and as I’m excited about my result, she’s having an ultrasound right now to figure out if her baby is hanging tight or not.
I am soo sad for her and her husband. They haven’t told her parents yet because, well, you know.. mothers! So, I feel like we should wait for a while before telling her to spare her feelings. But if we wait, we can’t tell my Mother-In-Law or Father-In-Law either becasue then we’ll have to tell them not the tell SIL, they’ll wonder why, and it will put everyone in a weird situation.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I personally would wait. As exciting as it is to share the news, I would see what I happening with your SIL first. You want her to still be able to come to you and not feel any anger or resentment, even though you didn’t do anything.
Post # 4
You’ll have to tell her at some point, regardless of what happens with her baby, but I would wait. It sounds like you aren’t that far along, if you just found out. Can you wait till the 1st trimester is over and tell everyone then, couching your delivery to SIL depending on the status of her baby?
Post # 4
I would also wait. Often times, many couples wait to share the news with family and friends until the end of the first trimester. I believe they do that since the potential of a miscarriage is higher during the first trimester. I know after my brother and sister in law lost their first pregnancy, they didn’t tell any of us until she was 3 months along. I know you’re about to die wanting to tell everyone though because you’re so excited. Personally, I’d wait and see what happens with her.
Post # 5
I would wait. I went to a family event where everyone was going nuts over my sister’s belly not knowing that I was mid-miscarrage (and going through fertility treatments). It was horrible. They will appreciate your waiting.
Post # 6
@heathaah: I’m so sorry for your loss.
@DJones6005: Agreed, and we are waiting to tell everyone. However, I don’t think our parents fall under the same category as friends and the rest of the family; and my mother would KILL me if I held the news for three months.
So we’re definitely telling my parents, given it’s my mom’s birthday and the perfect occasion. We’ll wait for a little longer for my SIL, meaning my DH’s parents as well. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, especially not my SIL and her husband, they are just wonderful people and want their child so much. I hope she’s not having a miscarriage…
Post # 7
I would wait. At least until she knows one way or another and there’s no guessing about it. She’ll be happy for you either way but giving her the needed attention and prayers right now is a honorable thing.
Post # 8
I agree about waiting. She’ll know the situation in a day or two, so it’s not that long, and I think it’s the right thing to do for your family. Congratulations, btw!
Post # 9
I’d wait. It seems horribly insensitive to share news like that when she doesn’t even know if her baby will live.
Post # 10
If you just found out you are pregnant I would just wait a bit before sharing anything.
Plus, its kinda fun to just share the excitement between you and your husband (and weddingbee!).
Post # 11
I’d wait. I think it’s fine to decide to tell parents before siblings. I’m sure they’d understand why you wanted to wait to tell your SIL and keep quiet until some time has passed.
Post # 12
Personally I would wait – for two reasons:
You JUST found out – the chances of miscarrage are higher earlier on – so waiting till even 10 weeks would be good, although waiting till 13 is better.
They’re struggling – so why mention this if you know it could make them feel worse? Even if you would tell your family early on I’d say it’s best to wait to be sensitive to their situation.
Seriously, enjoy the time that only you and your husband know, because once you tell everyone that’s all they’ll ask/talk/give you opinions about. Right now waiting till 13 weeks may seem like forever but you’ll realize later into your pregnancy that it’s still very early.
Post # 13
I would wait; wait the first trimester and hold off telling SIL, very difficult to spread good news when someone may be going through an ordeal in the family; I say better to wait then tell the news all the same time in case the news leaks, sometimes its hard to keep a secret, family will be hurt why you told some and not the others
its nice to have the news between you and hubby for a bit, its special knowing only the two of you knowing
Post # 14
I would wait you never know what willl happen with your pregnancy. Also Even though it will hurt no matter what let them heal if something tragic does happen.. if everything is ok with their baby after the ultrasound I dont see what it would hurt to say anything.
Post # 15
Ok, so I’m sorry. My original post did not reflect what I was really thinking.
Of course, we won’t tell SIL or their parents right now, we WILL give her some time to grieve if she is indeed going through miscarriage. We’re not insensitive, as some have suggested, and we care about them very much.
My question was more meant like: how long should we wait. I see many suggest waiting the whole first trimester, which I completely understand for extended family and friends… But we are very close as a family (i.e. SIL told us as soon as she knew), and believe that having our parents in the know can help, should anything wrong happen. So I don’t think we’ll wait 13 weeks – it’s a basic support network.
I am just wondering what would be a reasonable amount of time given the circumstances, considering we won’t tell DH’s parents without telling his sister as well.