- 6 years ago
Anonymous bee coming at you with a tricky situation.
My sister has been battling a severe eating disorder for years, and has been in inpatient treatment for the bulk of the last 6 months. Now my mom has been laying it on pretty heavy for her boyfriend to propose when she gets out of treatment. She wants my sister to have something to look forward to. Sister’s boyfriend wants to wait until he graduates (in December) and get settled in a job. It could be even longer than that before my sister is out of treatment.
My SO and I have been talking about engagement and we know how tricky this situation is. Another family member recently got engaged, and it was very hard for my sister because she knows that this could be her and her boyfriend if she would just get better. My mom has this idea in her head that my sister and her boyfriend are going to get married next fall because my sister has always wanted a fall wedding. Before my sister went into treatment, she made a huge deal about she has to be the one to get married first because they’ve been dating longer, etc. etc. Typical drama, but now it’s made a lot more difficult because of the increasingly fragile emotional state she’s in.
I’m afraid that if my SO and I get engaged, she’ll lose it. She’s holding on to threads right now, and her treatment facility has already said she’s their most difficult patient. SO and I don’t want to wait an undetermined amount of time to start this next phase in our lives together, but at the same time we’re afraid that us getting engaged will push my sister over the edge and could have serious consequences. In a better situation it’d cause family drama because we put that extra stress on my sister by not waiting for her. It’s a tough situation because if we decide to wait, we could be waiting forever, but I’ll feel really guilty if we get engaged and it has terrible repercussions for my sister.
Bees, what are your opinions? We’re just at a loss. This whole thing is hard to deal with. I don’t want our engagement period to be filled with drama, but I’m afraid I’ll grow to resent my sister if we decide to hold off.