(Closed) Should you be intimate when you co-sleep with your child?

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: What do you make of this?

    I don't think there is anything wrong with this

    I think if the baby was in a crib in the room that would make this ok

    This is not ok, period.

  • Post # 47
    Member
    2810 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

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    @WillyNilly  Oh dear. I understand that raising children is different in all parts of the world, but for me, I am more of an attachment parent. My daughter *was* a great crib sleeper from birth, but the last couple of months has co-slept with us because she was having an awful time sleeping at all. We adjust to her development.

    I can’t imagine putting a child in his or her room to cry and just ignore them. It’s just instinctually wrong to me.

    Post # 48
    Member
    3580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

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    @urchin  I’m with you.  🙁  I think the book that started the convo on the ‘Bee was this one, if I am not mistaken.  @urchin Ultimately though, each mom/child is different and you have to do what’s right for you.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1676 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think it’s very gross and disturbing. I’m not sure that it should be considered child abuse or if it’s harmful (as long as the child is extremely young), but I don’t think it’s a good idea at any point. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    5089 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

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    @WillyNilly  There are so many studies that show early sexualization (there are varying degrees of this, sure) results in reckless behavior later in the child’s life and can also contribute to mental illnesses.

    Yes, but “early sexualization” doesn’t mean “learning that sex exists” or even “seeing adults have sex.” It typically refers to learning to see oneself as a sexual object, which is really really different. 

    That’s not to say I think it’s good for children who are old enough to wonder what mommy and daddy are doing to be in the same room (and DEFINITELY not the same bed, ew). But I think it’s a leap to say that being in the same room = early sexualization.

    Post # 51
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Seeing your parents having sex, while not pleasant, is no where near as traumatic as being sexually abused.  I’m okay with parents of newborn babies having sex with the child in the room, as long as the child is NOT in the same bed.  That just sounds dangerous.

    Personally, I’d have to draw the line pretty early for when the baby is too aware to continue doing so, though.  Once my baby is standing up, looking at me… it’s over… and he/ she isn’t really even aware of anything at that age (5months?  when they start pulling up to stand?).  

    Two years old, same bed?  No way.

    Post # 52
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee

    The hell is wrong with people? Go to another room. Jeez.

    Post # 53
    Member
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I guess I’m not in the norm here. How many of you actually have children?

    Same bed I think is strange, but same room, while the child is sleeping…I guess I don’t see the big deal. A baby will never know what’s going on and toddlers sleep like rocks. DH and I have had sex while on vacation with our older one in the room. We spoon or face forward on our sides. Even if he woke up he would have no idea what’s going on. Everyone in my opinion seems to be over thinking this.

    Post # 54
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

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    @mwitter80  We have three boys and we’ve definitely had sex (nice, quiet sex/ not porn star stuff) with a baby in the room.  I moved the older two into their own rooms around a year old, but our youngest is going on three and is in his own bed in our room.  I can not have sex with him in the same room at this age, quiet or not.  Perhaps some is my comfort level with the sexuality but, I swear, it’s mainly because I don’t want to wake him up simply for those few hours of peace! 

    Post # 55
    Member
    3580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

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    @mightywombat  Well, even the definition of ‘sexualization’ is not agreed upon amongst scholars so I am not surprised someone picked up on this.  But I would argue that a live sex act as a nonsexual being could be just as impactful, if not moreso, than one witnessed at a consentual age.  I see your point that it’s a bit of a stretch that being in the same room can be 100% damaging.  Totally cosign.  My point is why risk it?

    Post # 56
    Member
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

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    @jjmomma  ok well I’m glad I’m not the only one 🙂 I understand the peace part as well. The 4 year old has his own room, but now we have a 1 month old, and I’m sure when I’m cleared for activity, we won’t move him out of the room to get frisky

    Post # 57
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

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    @mwitter80  I think they’re completely oblivious when they’re that young.  Even the age range I mentioned in my previous post is a bit much in general… I wouldn’t have come up with it had it not actually happened to us!  Trying not to wake a sleeping baby only to see them wake up and stand up~ mood killer.  Time to tend to the baby and sneak into the bathroom.  (Or go back to sleep if you’re lucky enough to get more rest!)

    Post # 58
    Member
    5654 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

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    @mwitter80  I was thinking the exact same thing! DS was in our room until he was 2… In his own crib but definitely co-slept. I couldn’t have imagined not having sex in my own bed for 2 years just because he was in there. Lol

    Children are more damaged by sexualization they see on TV from clips of adult dramas, which most find perfectly acceptable to view in their homes while children are awake, than they’re going to be from possibly waking up at a young age to “see” mom & dad having sex. They really don’t have a clue what you’re actually doing. What I don’t get is sex made the baby and birth itself is highly sexual… Geeze there are even plenty of people that find it perfectly acceptable to shower with their children into toddler years. It’s not nearly as big of a deal it’s being made out to be.

    In the bed does just sound dangerous to me though… So no go on that one.

    Post # 59
    Member
    3367 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

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    @runsyellowlites  TOTALLY agree about the stuff on TV and movies.  Mom and Dad under the covers, stopping when they realize the baby is waking-up~ no where near as much info as what is beamed into our homes through media. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

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    @mwitter80  +1. In the same bed seems odd & kind of dangerous, but in the same room? Come on, the kid has no clue what’s going on. 

    Post # 61
    Member
    7581 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

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    @runsyellowlites  I couldn’t imagine not having bed sex for a year! 

    I think it is more traumatic to walk in on your parents having full out animalistic sex, then to wake up and see them cuddling, because really that’s all it looks like. Kids who get up in the middle of the night from their own rooms, seeking comfort, will def get more of a show, then the one’s whose parents are aware of them being there

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