(Closed) Should you have to drop out?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should one drop out?
    Yes! : (12 votes)
    46 %
    No! : (2 votes)
    8 %
    Depends... : (12 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    If the bride was up front about costs from the very beginning (I’m thinking of the chick on SYTTDBM who had $1200 dresses and $800 Louboutins required), I’d be honest about my inability to participate due to the financial obligations.

     

    If the costs ended up coming out halfway through the process, I’d STILL tell the bride that I wouldn’t be able to afford the experience and would hope that she’d either assist me with the finances OR let me gracefully bow out.

    Post # 5
    Member
    287 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I voted yes. I was a bridesmaid once and it got RIDICULOUSLY expensive.  After buying dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, gift, i was out a good $300. On top of that her maid of honor has 4 small kids so kind of “flaked” on her bridal shower and bachelorette party (i’m guessing due to financial reasons) which then the expenses trickled down to us (her other 2 bridesmaids). after food, decor, drinks, entertainment, supplies, and more gifts, i was out another $300…. maybe i just had a bad experience though. I don’t know, but I know I was not prepared for that chunk out of my account!

    Post # 7
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I think it depends. Before I picked the dress designer for the BMs gowns, I talked to them about different options and we agreed on the price range that everyone would be  comfortable in. I think if one of them had said that they wouldn’t pay anything at all for the dress, I might have reevaluated (but I would have likely given her a different roll in the wedding).

    For my bachelorette party, I know my sister has made sure that all of the girls are comfortable with the amount of money that’s being spent. She tried to be super considerate of all of them so no one felt uncomfortable.

    I think ultimately, I love all of my girls and would have worked hard to make sure they could be in the wedding, despite any financial constraints. Them being there for me on my wedding day as members of the bridal party is ultimately more important to me than creating a situation that someone couldnt afford just beacause I wanted a 900 dollar dress or I wanted to stay at the Ritz Carlton for the bachelorette. 

    Edit: I’m also SUPER spoiling all of my girls. In the end, the amount I’m spending on each of them (For jewelry, makeup, hair, and other accessories) will be almost the same as what theyve spent. I went them to know that I love them and appreciate the fact that theyve been saving up specifically for wedding stuff 🙂 I hope they’ll have a blast at the wedding!

    Post # 8
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I’ll be honest and say that right now, I’m getting married in November 2013 but I may or may not be living in Canada before my younger sister’s July 2013 wedding.  I am the maid of honor.  I’ll be living in a place where for plane tickets to the nearest airport to my sister’s wedding will cost about $1500 round trip for me and my fiance and then whatever the cost of the dress, shoes, etc would be.  I have to be there no matter what as this is my best friend and baby sister.

    Now, if this were just a friend’s wedding or someone else’s wedding, I’d have to kindly bow out.  I have also bowed out of weddings because the bride was a bridezilla but that’s just me. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    It depends. I think if you say ‘yes’ to being a Bridesmaid you should expect certian costs: dress, shoes, hair, gifts, etc. If you know ahead of time that you won’t be able to save up money for the costs, then you shouldn’t say yes. Brides should be aware of what their bridal party is comfortable spending, but I also don’t think they should feel forced to forego certian things because suddenly a Bridesmaid decides she can’t pay for anything.

    On the other hand, the above poster is correct – if a Bride knows from the get-go that she’s going to require you to purchase a designer gown and ridiculously expensive shoes, or even make you get your hair done by a pro, she should be up-front about it. They should also be up front with any transportation costs (aka. don’t spring on you that they’ve randomly decided to get married in Mexico and you’ll need to pay $1200 for some all inclusive package).

    Post # 10
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I voted depends, but then I thought…wait if I can’t afford it, I can’t afford it. I would have to drop out. It is her dream and if she wants all of that, then who am I to stand in the way…

    I do not know anybody that would make things so expensive that a bridesmaid would have to drop out and not find some sort of compromise? I have never been a bridesmaid, but I know for certain alot of the girls I know would think it ridiculous. So I have no experience with this.

    Post # 11
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think it depends. When I was a bride, I would have done anything to accomodate a friend who was having financial difficulties. We put about $40 towards each tux rental & haggled for a discount, because a few of the groomsmen didn’t have the greatest jobs. We figured we’d rather our friends be at our wedding than have some wedding extra we didn’t need. So, if someone approached me about worrying about affording something, I would have gladly covered that. However, all people aren’t like that, so I think I would just be honest with the brid and go from there.

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