Post # 17
i agree with PPs, should isn’t the right word. personally, i would love to contribute if it would help him out, but i don’t think he’d take my money. my tastes are anything but expensive, though, so i don’t feel like he’ll need to go out of his means anyway. but definitely, if i wanted a ring out of his price range, i would push him to let me help. there’s no way i want to be responsible for putting him in debt, especially if we’re going to start a life together.
Post # 18
I think we avoided this kinda scenario by picking out a ring together. That way we were both happy with the budget and my SO would’nt be overstretching himself. But I don’t think you should have to contribute to your own e-ring. That’s like contributing to your own birthday present, let others do it for you. If you want to, why not buy your SO a gift in return?
Post # 19
I said no because I feel like he should buy whatever ring he can afford and you should be happy with whatever ring he gives you because of the meaning behind it.
my Fiance is better off than I am (money wise) so he got me a very nice ring and wedding band. I on the other hand am buying his wedding band he’s told me that whatever ring I get he’ll be happy. he knows I can’t spend a lot on his wedding band but it’ll still mean a lot to him because it symbolizes a lot more than a ring.
Post # 20
I make more than my SO and I’ve offered to help him. But he wants to do it on his own, and that’s fine too. I didn’t mind offering– we’ll eventually be entering into a marriage together.
Post # 21
I would if it’ll help it happen sooner lol.
Post # 22
Me and my SO have joint finances so….. my money is his money.
Post # 23
My husband and I joined everything years before engagement. My golden rule of the ering was nothing we could not afford to pay for upfront. Anything beyond that is not worth it imo.
At the end of the day, a ring is almost like a test (I know this sounds horrible). I want to know he can save for something important. If I said I wanted a 100 dollar ring. He should be able to make that work, somehow.
I kinda like your logic and understand it. However, I think it only makes sense if the girl has a reasonable expectation of a ring. I mean if you’re the average lower middle working class and you are expecting a 10K Tiffany ering then that’s not very realistic/fair to expect your BF to save up for is it?
Post # 24
Well I did “propose” the idea that I would be willing to help my SO pay for an engagement ring. However, he declined because he felt it would take part of his pride in paying for it away. The main reason I wanted to contribute is beacuse I would like to be engaged sooner. I wouldn’t mind a rather long engagement 1-3 years. That way it would give us time to save and for him to pay off his student loans.
Post # 25
Our money was “our money” before we were married, and obviously after. We had already combined, so we didn’t differentiate.
Post # 26
I didn’t exactly help him with the purchse, but immediately after, he needed money to fix some positions (REALLY opportune time to put more money in the stock market) and didnt have any free cash left, so I gave him back probably the same amount he paid for my ring. So I didnt help pay for the ring, but I basically paid for it with my immediate “loan” right after. But at the end of the day, its not like I’m asking for him to pay it back, its all one pile of money anyways now.
Post # 27
Fiance and I paid for my rings together. We were living together and share all other expenses why would that be any different. I know that some people like tradition, but I think expecting the man to pay for your $10+k “dream ring” is a little rediculous. You are partners in life, or you will be, so if you can help help. If you dont want to dont. But if thats the only reason your waiting and its bugging you just help. Be a team!
Post # 28
we have joint finances- he had cancer and his money was tight, and he let me pick the ring, so i gave him some of the money….however hes a very proud man and traditional that he was supposed to pay for the entire thing- so we agreed that now, i dont pay my portion of our time share, til what i added in the price is paid up…if you are going to have a life together, it shouldnt make a difference. I bought him his band already and hes paying for my band all on his own.
Post # 29
I voted “explain below.” I personally think that if you want an e-ring (I know most girls do but it’s not absolutely necessary) you should be happy with something within his means. My ring was less than $400. If you want something more than he can afford, I guess I personally would rather help than wait longer for an engagement. But I told Fiance I’d rather own a house sooner than have a more expensive e-ring anyway, lol.
Post # 30
i agree with some others that it’s not a “should” or “shouldn’t” thing. i offered to help pay for it since our money was going to be combined anyway, but he didn’t want me too because he saw it as “his” thing. and besides, he was planning on using an heirloom stone, so it cost much less than it would have otherwise (when i asked if he wanted my help, i didn’t know about the heirloom yet)
Post # 31
I voted no. I’m really traditional though, and my reasoning for this will probably get me booed out of this post. 🙂 But I told my fiance to propose without a ring if he couldn’t afford one yet. That’s what he did and I was thrilled. The ring came as soon as he was able to comfortably afford it, and I did look for something I would love that was well-within his price range.