Post # 1
Hello bees –
Something happened last week and I would love to hear your opinions as I can definitely see both sides of this argument.
FI’s brother is getting married next month.
Fiance and I went to his house last weekend as we (FI, me, Future Brother-In-Law and FSIL) were going to go to a movie. When Fiance and I walked in, the air was very tense. There was a girl sitting at the table with very long curly hair and I thought to myself ‘who is this?’ Then the girl turned around and I was shocked to see it was Future Sister-In-Law. Fiance and I didn’t even recognize her.
She had her hair and makeup trail for the wedding earlier that day. She wanted our opinions because FI’s brother hated it. Future Sister-In-Law normally wears quite a bit of makeup but she really had a LOT on, plus it was a very dramatic look. I know they say you need to have a lot of makeup on for pictures or else you will look washed out but I was even surprised to see how much she had on.
Her hair is normally just past shoulder length and very straight. She obviously had very long extensions in her hair (and I hate to say it, didn’t match her real color very well) and she had a very fancy, twisty, curly half up-half down style. The extensions almost went to her waist.
As I said, FI’s brother did not like this look at all because he said she didn’t look anything like herself. Future Sister-In-Law was upset that he didn’t like it but made it really clear that this is how she wants to look and is thrilled with how her hair and makeup trial came out. They apparently had an argument about it.
When Fiance dropped me off, he asked if I had thought about my hair and makeup for our wedding next summer. I told him I had not. He said he would prefer me looking like myself and not do something completely outrageous like Future Sister-In-Law did.
Well that got me thinking. Should he have any say in how I look? Would it really be that disasterous if I did want to have extensions or something completely different from the way I ‘normally’ look? I can see how Future Sister-In-Law has a vision for how she wants to look, but at the same time I understand FBIL’s point that he wants his bride to be recognizable!
What do you think? If you did have a completely different look did your DH comment on it – good or bad?
Post # 3
I will take ideas my Fiance has for how I look; dress, hair, makeup.. but in the end I will make the choice based on what I like.
Its actually funny you bring this up because my Fiance keeps saying when we watch wedding shows that he doesnt like dresses that arent strapless. My ceremony dress is a v-neck. I love it. It looks amazing on me. I will be keeping it. His opinion is welcomed but not the final say.
Post # 4
No way Jose. SO won’t have any input into how I look, and vice versa.
Post # 6
Of course he should. He’s the one who has to look at you. It’s not just YOUR day, after all. By being selfish and choosing a look he dislikes, you ruin his enjoyment of the day, plus he’ll end up hating all the wedding photos. I can’t imagine having chosen a look DH wouldn’t have liked. I wanted him to think I was beautiful on our wedding day. I don’t understand why any girl would WANT a look that she knows her groom finds unattractive.
Post # 7
@Edelweiss: You put it so well – I agree with what you are saying.
That’s why I am a little surprised Future Sister-In-Law is being a bit stubborn; she knows he does not like what she’s planning yet still wants to go with it. I wonder what would have happened if she did not show him the trial and just did this look for the wedding.
I also thought too that I definitely have my opinions on how I want Fiance to look. He has had a goatee for around a year. I think he looks much better without it but he likes it; he looks a bit young for his age so he said he keeps it because he was trying to look more mature at work. Plus his hairline is already receeding so he said at least he can grow hair somewhere! Anyway, I asked him to shave the goatee for our wedding; I’m not forcing him but I did express that I prefer his clean shaven look. He said he would, so in that case I don’t think it’s so bad that he wants me to look like myself.
Post # 8
Yes, you have a say in each other’s look. If he (e.g.) doesn’t want you with hair extensions, then you should take that on board. It’s his day too and of there’s something he doesn’t like, why do it and spoil his day.
That said, if your SO goes to effort, you don’t criticise it. Your FI’s brother handled it very badly.
I told DH what I was doing with my hair, but he didn’t see the trial.
Post # 9
I think to an extent – he wants to marry me, not someone who doesn’t look like me. His only input was that he wants to be able to recognise me. (And he vetoed a pair of shoes I liked, which was okay because I ended up finding a colour I liked better anyway).
In other ways, his opinion wasn’t terribly important. He didn’t love short dresses and my dress is knee-length. I don’t care much what he wears, as long as it’s clean and he remembers to shave and trim his hair back a bit if he’s let it grow out. Even then… if he doesn’t, he’ll still look like himself and he’ll be happy so meh.
Post # 10
In one word, yes. He will definitely have say in how I look at the wedding.
I have shown him my hair inspiration and he likes it. He’ll be fine with whatever makeup I choose because I will probably go with something simple.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
He approved my dress before I bought it, and gave input on my accessories, hair, and make-up. The only critique he offered from any of that was to do less make-up contouring for the actual day. I definitely took his input to heart and adjusted the make-up look. I wanted to make him happy and feel happy myself, so of course I wanted his thoughts on my look. I can’t imagine intentionally doing something that I know upsets him, and certainly would avoid that at all costs on our wedding day.
Post # 12
None whatsoever…unless it’s a compliment. However, I do care about looking beautiful for Fiance so I do take that into consideration. Hence an ivory gown and not a black cocktail dress (though I will be changing into one during the reception).
Post # 14
I get to tell him exactly what to wear on our wedding day. Why am I immune from his scrutiny? He’s completely allowed to chime in if he so feels. I take everything he says into consideration — we both have very definite things we want or diswant, and we both respect that.
Post # 15
NO WAY!!! He should expect his bride to show up and look beautiful, which is exactly what will happen.
Post # 16
I didn’t show my husband my dress before the wedding, and he didn’t really care to see it. I went really simple for my hair and make-up, and again he didn’t really have opinions about specifics, but we talked about what we’d like in general and I took his thoughts into consideration.
He let me help him pick out his suit and tie (though I think he ended up with his first choice, my second choice tie).