(Closed) Should your FH/SO have a say on how you look on your wedding day?

posted 9 years ago in Beauty
Post # 32
Member
7384 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Absolutely. While my look will be a surprise on the day of, we’ve discussed things. Everyone who’s seen my dress says that I should wear my hair up, but I NEVER wear my hair up, and Fiance loves my hair down. I think I’m going to end up with a half up half down style, which I know Fiance will like. Fiance also likes eye makeup, so I’ve pinned several makeup looks that are pretty but more than what I normally wear. I still want to look like me, too!

Post # 33
Member
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Overall I think women should look, dress, talk, and act how they want and not what their SO wants, but in this case I think your fiance’s and her fiance’s requests are reasonable. They want to be able to recognize their bride!

Throughout my whole wedding planning I kept my husband in mind, especially when choosing how I looked that day. When I tried on the dress I ended up purchasing, besides loving it myself I knew my husband would love it as well! Same goes for my makeup and hair. I did basically what I wear everyday, but made it a little more special by wearing eyelash extensions and teasing my hair a bit, etc. I still looked like myself (but definitely more made up) and I think my husband appreciated that and I know I will be happy I didn’t go a dramatic route when I look back on my photos 30, 40, 50 years from now! 🙂

Post # 34
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I absolutely think that his thoughts and opinions should be considered. I am getting a big say in what he’s wearing so I think it’s completely appropriate for him to have preferences in what I’m wearing. It’s his wedding too!

Obviously I may not go with them all but I will take them into consideration. Ignoring his feelings and opinions is just plain rude. We are a partnership!

Post # 35
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

No way, I want it all to be a surprise

Post # 36
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think the sensible way to approach things is to keep your fiance’s tastes in mind and marry them with your ideas and vision, to come up with a compromise.

For example, my fiance hates veils, I love them, so I told him I’m wearing one for the ceremony and some of the pictures but won’t wear it in all the pics or beyond the ceremony.  He agreed to it.

I love curly updos, my fiance hates curls.  So I’m going to find an updo that maybe has a little wave to it.

I’m not going to show him my veil or hairdo.  But I’m keeping his feelings and tastes in my mind as I choose, so that hopefully we’ll both be happy.

Post # 37
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@SnowInApril:  No! I recently told Fiance that I plan to get extensions put in shortly before the wedding, so my hair style for the wedding will be fuller. He did not like that idea, at all, he wants me to ‘look like me’. Well realistically how many women wander around in wedding dresses on a regualr basis? How many women get their hair professional done up with make up on a regualr basis?  

I’m very much a jeans and a nice top kind of girl, if Fiance truly wants me to look like me then I would need to show up in normal everday clothes, without makeup. 

I did take FI’s preferences into consideration when it came to my planned look, he wasn’t a fan of lacey dresses and quite frankly neither was I. However, if I had my heart set on a lacey gown and he told me he didn’t like the lace dresses I would still have worn one. 

There is a difference between taking into consideration their opinion, and completely going against what makes you happy to appease them.

ETA: I wanted to add, that what matters most is that the bride herself feels beautiful on her wedding day. If you feel beautiful and comfortable and happy with your look, your Fiance will think you look beautiful regardless of his preferences.

He’s marrying you because he already thinks you’re beautiful, he may not like every outfit that you put on in you life, but if it makes you feel sexy, it will show in your confidence level. Confidence, is in the end, the sexiest look anyone can ever have.

Post # 38
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Edelweiss:   I don’t understand why any girl would WANT a look that she knows her groom finds unattractive.


i really agree with this. i wouldnt let fi completely dictate my look (not that he’d ever want to or know how to go about doing so haha) but neither would i want to walk up the aisle knowing he’ll hate the way i look. i think id find a compromise if at all possible?

Post # 39
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think ultimately it’s up to the bride to decide what she wants to look like on her wedding day.

I think most brides (including myself) definitely want their grooms to like the way they look on their wedding day. If your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t care what her husband thinks, well I think that’s weird, but she is allowed to wear her hair and do her makeup whatever way she likes.

Post # 40
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I value everything my FH has to say and he does have a lot better fashion sense then me. But he probably won’t have much say in my hair and make up. It’ll be however the salon and I decide is best for me. I know I want to look natural and I know my FH does not want me with a ton of make up because that’s not me. I’ll ask for his input before hand but he trusts me.

Post # 41
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I never even gave this a thought. I wear very little make-up and i won’t wear much more on the big day. FH has not asked about what I plan on wearing, etc. It’s a non-issue with us.

Post # 42
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

I think it definitely matters. But I also don’t intend to ask his opinion. For example, he might not love the dress I pick out when I have a crappy phone picture, or if given the choice of something else. But if I don’t give him input/let him see it, when I walk down the aisle I know he’ll think I look great. I feel like the dress is my choice, and he will like whatever I pick if he isn’t given the option to not like it 🙂

 

That said, I know he wouldn’t like certain styles and things like that, so I will most likely avoid things I know he doesn’t like.

Post # 43
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can understand a bride’s Fiance not wanting her to look like a completely different person on their wedding day… I don’t think your groom should be like “you need to wear an ivory, strapless, sweetheart-neck ballgown with a belt, and you need to dye your hair burgundy and get hair extensions, and you have to wear 6 inch heels, etc etc” but I do think that his opinion should matter, and I think it makes sense that a groom doesn’t want his new bride to look like some weird Barbie-fied version of herself.

The only thing DH said to me about my wedding day look was when I was telling him that I was trying to figure out how me and the BMs should have our hair done and was considering whether to do an updo or have my hair down, and he said “You always wear your hair down and it looks so pretty… I think you should have at least some of your hair down and not wear it all up in an updo”.  I thought that was a totally reasonable request.

FWIW, I completed dictated what he and the groomsmen wore. 

Post # 44
Member
3218 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

He has BARELY ANY say… but he does have SOME.

At the end of the day I know how I feel pretty… so that’s what I went with.

Post # 45
Member
1203 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

To an extent, but it helps that we have very similar taste AND that he doesn’t have strong opinions on hair and makeup. Like your case, OP, he probably would have been a bit wigged if I didn’t look anything like me — but then again, I would have been too!

I think the only thing that he would have preferred to be different would have been for my dress to have had a corset back. He was a little bummed when he heard it was a zippered dress!

I did NOT dictate what he and the groomsmen wore — but again, he has good taste, so there wasn’t anything to fight over. But I would have felt free to voice my opinion if there was something I though really wasn’t going to work…and in fact, I did press hard for suits for the groomswomen. (Actually, that was a case of pressing for a uniform look…I did NOT want three suited people and one chick in a bridesmaid dress on his side.)

Post # 46
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

To an extent, yes. Of course I want FH to like how I look on our wedding day but I also have to like the way I look. I don’t plan on going all out and looking completely different. I just want to be a nicer version of myself. 

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