Post # 1
My brother got engaged last August, and his wedding date is in October 2016. He’s divorced so it’s his second wedding. My SO has assured me that he will propose by this summer, and since I’m 37 and childless, I don’t want to wait too long before we get married so we can start trying to conceive…so I was thinking perhaps this fall/winter for a wedding date. I’ve seen a lot of other posts here from brides upset that their friends or siblings choose wedding dates close to their own. Is there a standard amount of time that would be polite to allow between siblings’ weddings? I honestly can’t imagine that my brother would care much…we’re not particularly close, he’s barely been involved with the wedding planning, and I’ve only met my future SIL twice (they met and dated 5 months before getting engaged). I’m inclined to just set the date that works for SO and myself without worrying about it. But I don’t want to be rude or disrespectful.
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Post # 2
so long as its not the same weekend, no one should be upset. The reality is that many people do get upset when its too close, but what “too close” is is completely arbitrary, since its all just a figment of their entitlement.
Here’s my advice, if you’re interested: pick the date that works best for you and your SO. If you’re indifferent ebtween two dates, pick the one that’s further from your brothers wedding to decrease the chance you upset him and his wife.
Post # 3
I would talk to your brother and his Fiance and see how they feel about it. My future Brother-In-Law is getting married on May 21st, and Fiance and I wanted to get married during this summer as well, as that fit the best for us. After we picked out a relative time, then talked to them to see how they felt, which they said they were fine with. Our date is July 23rd.
Post # 4
Same day- huge faux pas. Same week- not ideal, especially if they are very far from each other. Same month, same year, same decade- fair game.
Sometimes with these sibling posts I am so glad to be an only child
Post # 5
I wouldn’t be too worried about the other couple, but I would think about your guests. Is it a burden for your family to attend two weddings within weeks or a few months of each other? Do a lot of people have to travel? Take time off work? That is the only thing I would worry about
Post # 6
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I don’t think there is a standard time. Some people make a big deal out of having weddings close to theirs, other people don’t care. If you feel the need, run the date by your brother and see if there would be any conflicts. For the record, I’m in the “pick the date you want because people’s don’t get a whole month for their wedding” camp.
Post # 7
I donlt htink there is any one answer. To me it depends more on the ability of family and friends to attend two weddings close together.
Do you have family or joint friends that will need to travel to attend your wedding? If so, it can be a burden to have two weddings close together.
Post # 8
Nah- You and your brother are not 20 somethings having a big party that could be delayed and it wouldn’t make a real difference in the bigger picture of their lives. The courtesy of spacing out family weddings is more for shared relatives that would have to travel twice, or a bride’s family who’d have to fund two weddings in a short amount of time. Neither of those apply here, you both need to get married when it works for your lives and if some relatives can’t make both parties, oh well, such is life. If you wanted to be super corteous you could just ask your brother if he minds, but he really shouldn’t get in the way of your need to starting TTC when you are ready. Plus you’re not suggesting getting married the week after or something.. a month or so is enough in this case.
Post # 9
I think it is always considerate to talk to family and find out what they think or what will be convenient for them. There’s nothing saying you can’t elope close to siblings, but if you’re expecting guests to travel and take off work, it is really considerate to put some space between the two. Especially if it’s a sibling where you would more than likely want them to attend – so don’t make them choose between their honeymoon, their final prepping, and your wedding. I think a week apart is too close unless you’ve confirmed it with everyone (siblings, parents, close family) and they are genuinely 100% excited about the date.
Post # 10
I would recommend talking to your brother and considering any family that would need to travel. Two weddings in a short span of time can be a burden on guests and they may end up having to choose which wedding to attend. My brother got engaged about a month after me and I immediately had concerns about when his wedding would be as we have family that lives halfway across the country. If your family is more local, that may not be an issue for you.
Post # 11
Depends. Are parents financing both weddings? Is there a large family that would have to travel?
If no, I’d say a month would suffice. If yes, then 3 months might be better.
Post # 12
Will you have a lot of overlap in guests? Is it really important to you that your relatives be able to attend the wedding?
Honestly convience for guests would be my main concern. If you’re both having small weddings and it’s not hard for your family to attend, then I wouldn’t be too concerned about the date.
Post # 13
This really depends on your specific situation. In July 2014 we booked our August 2015 date, in April/May of 2015 SIL and her (now) DH booked a July 2015 wedding (basically exactly a month before ours). They asked if we were okay with it and we said yes, and really meant it. Unfortunately a bunch of the other siblings live/work far enough away to require time off+flights and two were only able to make one (the other two flew in the day of the wedding and back out at 6am the next morning). They chose SIL’s because a) they’re closer to her, and b)they thought they could maybe do both and wouldv’e felt bad if they only made ours but could have done both.
On the one hand, it was fine, the siblings who didn’t make it truly are closer to SIL and her DH than they are to us so we agree that it was better for them to make hers. On the other hand it does sting that we had ours booked and paid for before they even decided to have theirs, and because of our catering deadline ended up paying for the two who chose them instead.
No hard feelings in the long run for us, but that may be different for you, just be aware of your family dynamics etc.
Post # 14
I’m throwing my vote in for talking to traveling family and your brother about possibly having it after his. It most likely won’t bother your brother or his bride since it is after theirs, but traveling guests should be considered.
The reason I vote that way is because a month after my husband and I had booked our wedding date, my sister got engaged and decided to set her wedding one month ahead of ours because it was the only date left at this place she absolutley HAD to get married at. She didn’t even bother to ask what size of weddings either of us were having or if the guest list would overlap too much. The first conversation we had about her wedding also included the fact that hers was a no kids wedding so she told me not to get knocked up between now and then because a baby wouldn’t be invited. (such a peach she is)
Did it end up working out? yes- actually it did. Our guest list actually didn’t end up overlapping too much – hers was big, mine was small and everyone ended up happy. But it did create hurt feelings between us and them for a long time, as well changed my opinion of my sister and her decision making skills.
In the end it’s your wedding and a few months shouldn’t make anyone mad – but it’s always good to touch base with those you love!
Post # 15
Thanks to all of you for your responses, I really appreciate it. My parents are contributing to my brother’s wedding ($30K), and I anticipate they will offer to contribute to mine as well (probably as much or possibly slightly more, since it would be my first wedding versus my brother’s second). They’re very comfortable financially. I have a great job and am in good financial shape as well, so I can certainly cover the costs if for whatever reason they do not offer. My mother is pretty anxious about marrying me off (lol) and has actually encouraged me to get married as soon as possible in 2016. So I don’t think my parents would mind much. I rarely communicate with my brother (maybe a short email exchange every few months, or face to face every six months…never the phone) so I have no idea what his thoughts might be. We had a falling out where we didn’t talk for almost ten years, and have recently worked on repairing our relationship, but are not close currently.
My brother’s wedding is in Pennsylvania, and my wedding would also be in the northeastern US (probably in the NY or Boston area). Most of our family is in the northeast, but we would have relatives traveling from California, Virginia, and from Asia. TBH I don’t care about the relatives from California/Virginia (I’d actually prefer they don’t come, but will have to invite them to be polite). I would like my relatives from Asia to attend, though, so I will definitely touch base with them to ask their opinion.