- 7 years ago
I apologize in advance this is so long. I just need to confess that I broke my vow of silence and ramble out this story….
So I’ve been doing a great job at not bringing up any talk about marriage, etc. for the last few weeks, and this weekend I found myself in a pickle and couldn’t figure out how to approach it.
My SO’s mom was over this weekend and the subject came up about my SO’s brother possibly proposing to his Girlfriend. I lover her and would be very happy for them if they get married, but my SO’s response was that he doesn’t think the Girlfriend wants a ring and is happy with the way things are. That’s great for them, but I, on the other hand, would like to get married, and I am not 100% satisfied with being BF/GF forever. Internally I started to “freak out” and couldn’t get it off my mind.
Later, I brought up the subject to him (in a very non-aggressive way) and stated that I hope his mother doesn’t think that I dont want to get married either, cuz that is not the case (trying to politely remind him that I do :)). He said I read into it way too much (which I have the tendancy to do ALOT) and that I don’t need to worry about that. (I wanted to say “Can you elaborate please?” Do you really know how much I want to get married? :)) But I dropped it….
As much as I trust him, I always have this worry/fear that he will never ask -particularly when families/friends are pessimistic and think it’s been long enough for him to have asked already 🙁 We’ll be celebrating our 4 year anniversary this May and have lived together for 3+ years.
Later that day, we were telling his mom how we are planning to go on a small vacation in March. It’s nothing big, but will cost some money and will take up a good amount of vacation time since it is far away. I had been under the impression this trip wasn’t going to be that long or expensive (secretly hoping maybe we were saving vacation time/money for a honeymoon later this year.) I thought about it all evening….
That night, I could barely fall asleep and I kept thinking…“If we use up vacation time in March for nothing wedding-related, we won’t have much vacation time left for the rest of 2012, and maybe he doesn’t even care about that and I will be waiting until 2013? Does he not even think about actually asking??”
The next morning, despite my conscience telling me to keep quiet, I tried to bring it up in the most non-agressive way I could. I didn’t think I could go on and be carefree without discussing it…
I tried to explain that I was worried about it eating away all my vacation time and that if we wanted to try and plan to get married sometime this year, then I won’t have alot of time left if we do this in March. I also stated that even though I don’t want to have a wedding (I’m a “just-the-two-of-us” courthouse girl), I do want to have a really nice honeymoon, and I’ll need vacation time for that. I won’t need much time to plan, but I do want to celebrate!
To my surprise, he reminded me that my my workplace gives 3 days of vacation to use in the case of getting married. I honestly had forgotten all about that, and he is right. I guess it’s a good sign he remembered that??
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope that he won’t keep me waiting for years to come since we’ve talked about marriage for quite some time. I’m trying to stay positive and keep on with not bringing it up. I’m a little disappointed in myself that I brought it up again, since I promised myself I would not until at least this Fall – just to give him some time without feeling pressure. Hopefully I didn’t screw that up this weekend 🙁
Back to keeping quiet!