I will say that many will agree with the 2 year mark as being a good time to access the situation. By two years, the lovey-dovey stage is wearing off, and you can tell if you really love each other as the people you are…. or if you loved the feeling of being in love. I hope that makes sense. First attractions are fueled by happy brain chemicals, and it can take about 2 years to get past those and on to the ‘real life’ part of the relationship.
Also, I ahven’t looked into your past posts, but I’ve read tham men have a ‘window’ of when marrige is the most appealing, and it’s usually between 28-36. The closer a ‘confimred bachelor’ gets to 40, the lower his marraige thoughts get. My 1/2 brother is a never married man who is now 44, and he’s pretty much so set in his ways that any serious relationship for him is going to be a MAJOR adjustment, and as a man, he’s cool with just dating now and then, but not having a reltionship that moves to marraige. Women, of course, don’t have those same feelings. Part of our feelings of accomplishment and acceptance still come from knowing that we’ve been choosen as someone’s helpmeet.
Mrs. Harmony, your guy is kinda approaching his do-I-want-to-change-my-life-enough-for-marraige deadline, if that makes sense. He DOES need to talk to you about it. He needs to let you know what and why he’s ‘not sure’. He needs to know, if you can tell him without crying (I can’t) that it makes you feel like he doesn’t value you enough to care if you’re in his life, that it hurts your self esteem, that it colors all your other time together to know that he can’t tell you what his hear is telling him. Maybe they way you guys are trying to talk about this isn’t working for you. I don’t know how to take another approach, but a poster put something on one of my less than happy vents like a playful checklist – I can’t remember it, but it was a little like this:
Things to do before I’ll break a hip trying:
Go to Paris
Go to Tiffany’s
Eat a whole lotta great food in New Orleans
Put a Ring on it
Take the plunge…. bungee jumping
Make an honest woman of Mrs. Harmony
Live alone with 500 cats
Go to Skywalker Ranch – Tell George Lucas the prequels sucked
Get married at a Renaissance Festival
Honeymoon in the Bermuda Triangle
Go free diving witha spear for tuna
This is silly, but you get the point. Maybe it can make him laugh about the questions, instead of shutting down and getting nervous.