(Closed) Shouldn’t the bridesmaids pay for their own dress?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 62
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t know how a Bridesmaid or Best Man could assume a bride is paying for the dress. I never heard of the bride paying for them. 

Post # 62
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

There are different traditions for different cultures.  In my culture (Asian), as the bride,  I will most definitely pay for my bridesmaid dresses.   Although Americans would not agree,  since the majority would ask the bridesmaids to buy the dress to attend the brides wedding.  I grew up in American myselF, yet it doesnt make sense for a bride to Ask her bridesmaids to buy a dress to for the brides wedding.   

IMO, having your best friends/family to be your bridesmaid at your wedding should be an honour and that they should not have to buy a dress of the brides choice to wear at the brides wedding.   The bridesmaids are alreafldy doing the bride a HUGE favour for being there on her special day,  helping the bride out with her wedding and such.   I just feel a little cruel to ask the bridesnaids to buy a dress that is not even for their party/event.  

There are alot of people saying that they cant afford to buy the bridesmaid dresses, hence would request their bridesmaids to purchase it.  This does not make sense to me at all because this is your wedding,  not the bridesmaids wedding,  why should bridesmaids be asked to do such thing?  The cost of bridesmaid dresses should be considered A cost.   Its like decor and floral, if you want special decor or flowers at your wedding, you would pay for the special decor/flowers.  Likewise,  if you wabt your bridesmaids to be there on your wedding day in the dress of youelr choice,  doesnt it make sense that you should pay for it?   This is your wedding.  

 

And how can you say this to your best friend which you want at your wedding: “So youre my best friend,  i want you to be my bridesmaid,  but if you cant afford the dress i want you to buy, you dont have to be my bridesmaid because I cant pay for your dress”.  

– I will never understand this.   

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  cl128.
Post # 63
Member
2012 posts
Buzzing bee

cl128:  This is a very old thread but thank you for reviving it because it’s nice that people have a chance to see another perspective.

The bridal party paying for their own attire is also foreign to me. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing in my case because I come from a Turkish background as does my Maid/Matron of Honor and we disagree on this topic. She just assumed she would be paying for the dress however my SO and I made it clear we would be paying for everything and she seemed shocked by that.

The way I see it is that we are asking these people whom we love to do us a favour by standing by our side on one of the most important days of our lives. I don’t understand the concept of then asking (and in some cases, expecting) them to spend their hard-earned money to do so. The mere thought of them agreeing to be there with us and involved a little more than other guests is in itself such an honour and gift to us, we don’t feel comfortable asking them to have to pay hundreds of dollars to do so.

I understand budget constraints (some couples simply can’t afford to pay for the dresses) however if you can’t afford it, then just don’t have a bridal party.

If there are no stipulations (eg. “Wear whatever you want”, etc.) then I get the bride and groom not paying but if you are specifically requesting a $200.00 dress in a random fluro colour in a ballgown cut which will undoubtably never be worn again, be prepared to shell out the cash for it.

Different areas vary as well however although it may be the norm in one place, it irritates me that a lot of brides and grooms I know are suddenly jumping on the bandwagon and attempting to change “the norm” in our area too just because they don’t want to spend the extra money. Um, no.

I recently got told by a bridesmaid in an acquaintance’s wedding that the bride is demanding (not just requesting) that the ladies get their hair and makeup done professionally – which they are expected to pay for themselves. How dare the bride behave this way? Especially considering all budgets were agreed upon before the dresses were bought and the she specifically said the girls can do their own makeup and hair? I’m sorry, but b*tch please. My friend seriously considered dropping out however after already spending over $1,500.00 on a dress, shoes, jewellery and special lingerie (another surprise expense that was not agreed upon), it’s actually cheaper for her to go ahead and pay the extras instead of bowing out and wasting the money she has already spent.

Sorry about the long post but d*mn, some people need to be a little more considerate of their bridal party who are already doing a nice thing for them by agreeing to participate. Trust me, although it may be an honour for some people to be asked over other people, it’s definitely NOT a privilege to be in your wedding. THEY’RE doing YOU a favour, not the other way around. Sheesh.

Now if it is normal for the BMs to pay in your area, budgets are agreed upon, you don’t have the extra money to spend and your girls are happy to do so then by all means, make that kind of arrangement but I just want people to know that it’s not a “set in stone” thing and don’t get offended if someone from another area or culture expects you, the bride, to pay for the dress as that might be what’s normal for them.

Post # 64
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I’m paying for my birdal party dresses, and some of them are getting help on lodging. But this isn’t always common, it depends on your crowd and your budget and their budget.

I’d agree with those who say bridesmaids don’t always know what’s expected of a bridesmaid or what’s normal wedding etiquette. My Maid/Matron of Honor who pored over pinterest boards and wedding magazines turned out to be really inexperienced with wedding etiquette. It’s caused a few bumps and awkward convos, but I feel like she means well.

Post # 65
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Boston Museum of Science

I think it all depends on the wedding and each person’s budget. Personally, I am making it a priority to pay for everything for my girls. I am asking them to be a part of my wedding to help me and be by my side. I don’t want them to be more inconvenienced by having to pay for anything. This also gives me more freedom to look at dresses instead of worrying about each persons budget (some of my girls will still be in grad school when my wedding takes place). I’m also paying for shoes, accessories, nails, and hair/makeup day of. I know not everyone can do this but each wedding is different so I don’t think you should take it personally if she asked that. 

Post # 66
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Absolutely yes. I have no idea why people think it is the bride’s responsibility to pay for BMs. Then why have them?

Post # 67
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ireland here, we(the bride and groom) pay for bridesmaids and groomsmen clothing it’s just how it is done here.

 

And I find it so strange that in some countries the bridesmaids and grooms have to pay.

Post # 68
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

muguet: “Then why have them?”

so you’re saying the purpose of Bridesmaids is to foot part of the bill for wedding stuff? What does who pays for what have to do with the reason for having them?

you have them because you want some of your friends to be a part of your day.

im in the US and I paid for My BM’s dresses. I’ve always thought shoving wedding costs onto friends was incredibly rude.

Post # 69
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Im so glad to see that there are quite a bit of people who also agree that the bride SHOULD cover the cost of her bridesmaid attire.   I agree 101%!  

Ive read that the main concern for brides is that they cannot afford the bridesmaid dresses,  which leads me to question, why pick a bridesmaid dresss that you cannot afford and request that the bridesmaid buy it to wear for your wedding?  (I really dont understabd this point abd if someone can please explain,  i’d like to understand the reasoning behind this).

Like what ive mentioned before,  the bridesmaid dresses should be considered a cost component for the wedding’s budget,  just like floral. If the brides want special floral,  then the bride will need to pay for special floral,  likewise,  if the bride wants special bridesmaid dresses,  the bride should pay for these special bridesmaid dresses.  

Post # 70
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

msiraldo:  I actually have a different experience. My SIL paid for all the bridesmaid dresses and they weren’t even expensive. And in June my BFF is getting married & she paid for all the dresses too. There’s just a lot of expenses when you’re part of a wedding…dresses, hair, makeup, bachelorette, shower, wedding gift. I actually like it when the bride pays for the dress especially if its something I may not wear again. 

Post # 71
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

Yes bride pays for everything dress hair make up shoes jewelry transport etc…. But I am from New Zealand and this is the norm 

Post # 72
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I’m in the uk, it’s the norm for the bride and groom to pay for the dress, though ive started seeing a few where they ask their wedding party to pay. The idea is that the bride and groom chose to marry and chose to have these people in their wedding party and more often than not stipulate what these people wear. If they weren’t having a wedding with a wedding party, the BMs and GMs wouldn’t need to buy these items.

Anyway…I’m not sure where I stand on this one, just describing what’s the general consensus here!

Post # 73
Member
2012 posts
Buzzing bee

muguet:  Just out of curiosity, what exactly do you think is the reason for having bridesmaids?

Post # 74
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

Yes, UK here too. Basically whatever you require someone to wear, you pay for it. So if you require someone to buy a new dress, you pay for it. If you want their hair a certain way, you pay for it. But if they wanted to get their nails done and you weren’t bothered whether they did or not, they’d pay for it themselves. 

Same with the men’s suits. 

Post # 75
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I thought it was traditional for the bride and groom to pay for attire as well (Australia here). We won’t with ours but for me that’s because I will ask the bridesmaids to wear whatever they feel comfortable in i.e. no specific Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and because my Fiance was in the wedding parties of his groomsmen and also paid for his suit then. TBH i kind of feel awkward not paying for them

Sukii the traditional reason of having bridesmaids was to confuse evil spirits that might attack the bride! But i think the reason now is to be supported by the people you love as you enter a new chapter in your life. I’m betting it’s different for everyone though. What do you think the reason is? 

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