(Closed) Shouldn't this be a fun and happy time?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@FutureMrs2013:

Sounds like you are in bad luck, i’m sorry.

Think positive! The best part already started, you have a man that loves you and wants to marry you! ๐Ÿ™‚ Your life will be happy and beautifull together, the wedding it’s just one day of many. Cheer up, and don’t take things too personally

Hope everything goes by smoothly*** :hug: 

Post # 4
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureMrs2013:  The fun comes and goes.  Haha.  Sounds like you are in the middle of a hurricane right now.  Wedding planning is stressful enough without all this added nonsense.  I am sorry for the health scares, you really don’t need that right now and I’m sure your folks feel the same way! 

 

 

 

I think that some of your family members (and FI’s family members) need a good talking to.  Your sister sounds alot like mine and we don’t get along half the time.  So, when she makes a comment like that to me(bridezilla reference), I shrug it off and chalk it up to her insecurities, jealousy  and immaturity.  If it is a giant financial burden for your sis, tell her that you understand if she needs to step down.  She should have consider the financial commitment before she told you yes, but it’s better for her to step down now than stress you out the whole time about how much money and inconvenience is involved with you getting married. 

 

If he and his parents are so insistent on having their names on the invite, is it really a big deal to you?  Or is it more a big deal with your folks?  If you don’t care and they do then tell them they can fight amongst themselves and get back to you when the decision has been made.  In the grand scheme of things, no one will notice or care what the wording of the invitation is and whose parents were listed how.

 

 

 

As for your friend, let this serve as a lesson never to do business with friends or family.  It almost always ends badly.  On that note, if he really was cheating you on the finances, he wasn’t that great of a friend to begin with so no big loss there.  Right?

 

One thing that has kept me grounded throughout all of this has been my Fiance.  He reminds me frequently that this, in fact, is not THE most important day of my life.  There are many days in our future that will be equally as important.  And, after all, what really matters is that in the end, we will be married.

 

For me, the fun started 2 weeks ago, with our engagement pics.  Time for me and my man to stare into each others eyes and enjoy each others company.  I have been relaxed ever since.  All of our big vendors are booked and most things have now been decided.  Just a few more decisions to be made and then it is time for showers and parties!

 

 

 

Now have a glass of wine and breathe.  Good luck, friend.

Post # 5
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsM914:  I know, weddings seem to bring out drama! My and my Fiance have been having our issues, but as for actually planning the wedding, things have actually been really smooth! But people around me have drama and my family has been acting crazy since I’ve been engaged.

But what helps is to be laid back and drop your expectations. Don’t focus on every little thing. There’s only a couple of things people really remember about a wedding: the dress, the food, and how fun the recpetion is. So I’d say focus on a couple of simple things and be willing to give in or compromise on smaller things and don’t sweat them if they aren’t perfect.

As for family and friends, the same thing applies: simplify! The more people you bring into it, the more drama and opinions you have to deal with. The main decisions should be from you and your fiance. For example, even though I felt weird about it, I went dress shopping by myself and found a magical dress on the first try. I think had I invited more people, all their opinions would have confused me. I’m so glad I did it on my own. 

If it means your sanity, cutting out extra events like showers and reheasal dinners may very well be worth it. I know a few people who got married this year and one eloped and the other is having a super simple wedding. No extra events. Me and my Fiance also got a package deal, and we are so glad we did. A lot has already been done six months prior to the wedding. 

So I’d say adjust your expectations and just focus on you and your Fiance being happy that day. And good food, friends, booze and music is all it really takes!

Post # 6
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@FutureMrs2013:  Sorry for all the bad luck sweetie! Weddings are definitely stressful at times and with all your unnecessary drama I would be frustrated as well and wondering where all the fun is…

I haven’t really gotten too much into wedding planning but the one thing that I have noticed is that weddings truly bring out the “real” in a person. And people for some reason like to cause drama. My sister thought she would be in smooth sailing and our cousin actually caused all this drama a few months before the wedding. Just ridiculous!!!

Honestly if someone told me to not get married on their birthday because it’s their birthday I would be like “umm….okay still get married”….how old is she going to be? If it’s not a milestone then who really cares…maybe you could have done something special for her on her birthday. I’ve seen people celebrate peoples birthdays with a small cake at their wedding.

Sorry about all the health scares – I hope all is well with your family!

I’m not including Future Mother-In-Law name on the invitations because she’s not helping and I’m not including my parents either. Since this wedding is mainly being paid for by us I will just use the “together with their families” and they will just have to deal with it

You have a great FH I’m sure who loves you and adores you and wants nothing but the best for you. Remember in the end the wedding is about you two.

 

Post # 8
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It hasn’t been much fun for me either. The wedding industry paints a completely unrealistic picture of what wedding planning is ‘supposed’ to look like. We have been fed this sh*t since we fitst watched Cinderella! Life doesn’t stop just bc we are getting married even though we feel like it should. People still suck. Friends still let us down. But the good stuff still happens too! It just isn’t going to look like a wedding rom com ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Take a deep breath sweetie.

I know EXACTLY what you mean. While I am not nearly as far along in planning and haven’t had the same situations happen…I was dealt two pretty significant blows three days before Fiance proposed: my mom nearly died from breast cancer two years ago and now they found something in her colon (where breast cancer goes next) and my dad found out he has chronic heptic liver something. I was so devastated by all of this and then when we GOT engaged, my best friend since I was 3 broke up with her boyfriend of 6 months and has yet to congratuate me or acknowledge it. I have called her every day to support her through her tough breakup and she has literally not even mentioned it. I, like you, have gone out of my way to make sure other people getting engaged felt so special and loved during their moment and I can relate to how hurt you can be by some people blowing it off. I am so so sorry for your mom and dad’s health issues and for your sister being basically a bitch to you. Out of all people, she knows EXACTLY the emotional stress you’re under wtih your family’s health and should be the one supporting you. I really hope that your wedding planning and wedding turn around so that you can feel as special and happy as you deserve. You’re in my thuoghts!

Post # 10
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@yayaya:  Did you mean to address that to me or OP? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsM914:  whoops, OP 

Post # 12
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@FutureMrs2013:  I’m sorry your wedding planning has been so stressful. I found that the time before my wedding was full of stress and anxiety and that I was surrounded by people who didn’t have the super excited attitude I was looking for. I was hurt and disappointed a lot. Plus the expectations of the Father-In-Law was an added pressure we had a hard time dealing with.

 

We wanted our invitations to read, bride and groom along with their parents invite you to their wedding… but knew that wouldn’t fly with his parents because they were paying for some of the wedding so we actually ended up doing 2 sets of invitations. One set to his parents friends and family that said Mr. and Mrs. Grooms parents invite you to the wedding and the other set to our friends and my family that said bride & groom along with their parents invite you to the wedding. It was a tiny bit of extra work but a comprimise worth making.

 

My sister, Maid/Matron of Honor also set limits on spending money and how much time she was able to commit to wedding planning with me. As in, I don’t want to spend more then this much on a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress and I don’t want to spend more then this much on a flower girl dress. She did not host my bridal shower (would have taken up too much of her time) and did not attend my bachelorette party (she had a baby the day before we left for the trip). Darling Husband and I paid for accomodations for our wedding party (up to 3 nights), covered 4 meals the weekend of our wedding (rehearsal dinner, breakfast day of wedding, dinner and brunch the next day) plus we stocked their rooms/cabins with snacks & drinks,  & I was still getting complaints about spending money from the wedding party. Also, I had our accomodiations comped for the bachelorette weekend, so all the girls had to do was get there (we drove)… My mom’s husband was in the hospital from 6 weeks before my wedding until 4 weeks after my wedding with a rare neurological disorder called guillain-barré syndrome & my mom was doing her best to keep it together too… it was all kind of a mess.

I ended up taking paxil the 4 months surrounding my wedding since I wasn’t handling the stress very well and took xanax on the day of my wedding. Nothing could get to me then. ๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t know exactly what my point is, I guess some of us just have weddings that are super stressful! 

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