(Closed) Shouldn\'t Wedding Planning be more fun…Hating the responses to No Kids Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Frankly, fuck ’em. If they choose to not attend, and you are not close anyway, it will give you a chance to enjoy your beautiful day with people whom you actually WANT there.  I understand that a part of you may be hurt about their rudeness at not even sending in an RSVP but this is YOUR day. Make it the way you want it to be. You are having a wedding for yourself, not for them. 

Post # 3
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Forget em. It’s your day! And as a mom myself who just received an invite to a No Kids wedding – YAHOO. Grandma can babysit and hubs and myself can enjoy a night out. Don’t let them make you feel bad! Your day, your way:)

Post # 4
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
Esteco_2016:  Screw them. Sounds like it has worked out for the best to be honest.

Post # 5
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

Sod ’em. If they want to miss your special day because they’re so petty, then let them. You don’t need it. 

It’s rude not to RSVP, I agree, but at least you know they aren’t coming. It’s not like they’re going to turn up with 100 kids and random strangers in tow 😉

Don’t let it put a dampener on your Big Day planning 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

My family hasn’t invited kids to weddings, since I was a kid – the late 1960s. No one under 21 was invited to our daughter’s wedding – not even 6 of the groom’s 1st cousins (18 and under), whom they see all the time. (His family keeps their weddings at 21 and up, also).

250 guests were invited and 225 attended. One couple traveled a whole day’s drive, to attend, and managed to secure babysitters. Another couple, who lived locally, said they didn’t have a babysitter, despite being given 10 months notice, with the save the date. (Plus no one around here invites kids to weddings). Everyone who attended had a fabulous time.

The only 2 of 250 not to even bother to RSVP, was my entitled brother in law and his wife, because the centers of their universe weren’t invited. 1. I’ve never met the younger child – daughter/bride had met him twice 2. They had a nanny at the time – possibly still do? 3. I. sure the uncle travels on busines alone; I guess they were just furious they couldn’t determine our guestlist?  

Narcissistic/entitled aunt saw my daughter a year later and lied to her about the situation – twice. Didn’t even know we had set my Mother-In-Law, to track down their RSVP. It served two purposes, because she thinks that son/uncle is the light of the world. He told my Mother-In-Law that he didn’t get around to responding; they never intended on attending. That probably translates to his wife flipped out and ripped the invitation to shreds, and they didn’t have the RSVP information anymore. (He certainly has my husband’s/FOB e-mail address, although he only e-mails him once a year – on his birthday). Aunt also acted all offended that her children weren’t invited – no one’s were; it would have resulted in 100 more guests.

I just said out loud to my husband “they’re dead to me.” I ceased to care. The last family wedding they told the MOB they were bringing the kids along, even though they weren’t invited. Then the mother refused the kids’ plates, because, she said loudly “they eat adult food.” I don’t see where you have to reward behavior like that, with an invitation? They didn’t even acknowledge that my daughter’s wedding even occurred- they didn’t even send her a congratulatory e-mail.

Since you were never close to those relatives, it may be the same reason why we were never close to the couple in my example. I saw it as an opportunity to purge them from our lives. Good luck!

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
Esteco_2016:  I understand that you’re venting and that’s perfectly ok. You are also allowed to have the wedding you and your Fiance want, and you’ve decided you don’t want kids there.

However…You knew this would be a big deal and would upset people and you still chose to do it. You made your decision and they’ve made theirs. You need to accept the consequences of choosing to have no kids. A lot of people won’t be able to or won’t want to attend. You can’t get annoyed about that a wedding invitation isn’t a summons, no one has to attend. 

Post # 8
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m latina too and inviting only adults for my wedding. But I am having a small affair and I already told everyone by word of mouth about the adult only rule. If someone can’t make it, so be it. Not much you can do. Have your beautiful day with people who you are actually close to and who actually care. You don’t need judgmental people at your wedding anyway.

Post # 9
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Think of all the money you’ll be saving by their non-attendance, and don’t worry about it. Some family members will probably come around.

Post # 11
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

It’s perfectly understandable that you don’t want kids at your wedding. It’s also understandable if parents don’t want to attend a wedding if their children haven’t been invited. Personally, if I had children, I imagine it would be nice to get away from them for an evening and have a nice time with my husband – however, everyone has different feelings on this sort of thing.

To just not RSVP? That, I believe, is rude and petty. I don’t see anything wrong with not having children at your wedding. It is your wedding, so you get to decide who comes and who doesn’t.

You said that you didn’t get along with your father’s wedding before this. So, I would try not to let this bother you anymore. Them not coming will probably actually prevent a lot of drama that could have otherwise happened at your wedding. And you don’t need or want drama at your wedding, right? Your wedding should be all about YOU and your husband. So forget the rest of them!

Post # 12
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My cousin and aunt are (I have heard through the grapevine) having a hissy fit and threatening not to come because my cousin’s kids aren’t invited. We are a tiny family so that’s a big deal. I don’t know what to do because if everyone we invite comes and brings their children, it’s 36 kids, about 25 of whom are three or under. I love kids but that’s a lot even for me (and my evening wedding at which dinner probably won’t even be served until 8 or 830). In the meantime, my Fiance is half Latin too and his mom has already complained about it – I don’t know if extended family knows yet. 

That vent was just to say I feel your pain and I’m sorry!

Post # 14
Member
19 posts
Newbee

Girl I feeeeeeel you. I knew I wasn’t going to get RSVPs back because we are Latinos and frankly they aren’t used to that type of thing. My wedding is at the end of May and I’ve literally gotten half responded and the RSVP date was set for 1 week ago. Now I need to go and hunt down the other people asking if they are coming or not. I care because I need to make a seating chart.

I got my first email last week when one of my cousins, whom I am not that close with but we did grow up together, confirmed with a party 4. My invitation clearly stated it was for 2 adults, him and his wife, and I was so annoyed that he was like “Hi thanks for the invite, confirming for a party of 4; myself, my wife and my 2 kids.” I was like are you kidding me -_- I kindly responded and told him I am sorry but we are not able to include kids due to limited space. I really didn’t feel like I had to I give him or anyone any explanations. He was pretty rude when he responded and told me he would like to decline the invitation. Fine with me, I knew it was going to happen. I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to leave your kids for a few hours. I KNOW he has a ton of family from his wife’s side that watches their kids all the time, so that’s not the problem. He is the only one that has said somethng directly to me about the no kids thing. Everyone else has had comments to say through the grapevine but if they care that much then I am fine with them not coming. 

I knew it would be drama, but it is annoying. It is your wedding and you’re allowed to do what you want and feel how you want. I am feeling the same way these days where I regret planning a wedding and wish I had just done something out of the country or something small. It’s hard to get excited recently with drama and other people’s input so I know how you feel :/

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